That we can afford the chicken!?

[hungryfordinner]

So I've had an argument with my husband and really need some independent perspective.

We are a family of three - me, husband and toddler

• we own our house outright (paid off last summer)!
• we both earn good salaries- after childcare we have about £5k per month to go towards living and saving. We each get £500 to cover tube transport / mobile / personal expenses, so £4000 is free. We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future. There is plenty in savings if we need it.

And yet- today I realised we had no meat in the fridge aside from some sausages, no vegetables apart from tomatoes; and we only get groceries on a Sunday. Not fancying sausages, I bought some chicken breasts in Sainsbury's for £6, and came home and made dinner for the three of us, using the tomatoes and pasta we already had.

I thought that my husband would be pleased I had dinner ready (Wednesday is my day off; he has Fridays off and never has dinner ready for me when I get home).

Well, he has come home and kicked off big time about me buying the chicken. Apparently we need to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, even if it means pesto pasta or tinned meals. And we shouldn't be eating so much meat.

We spend max £40 on food / nappies (his rule) per week and honestly it's driving me crazy. Yes- some people do this and manage fine. I get this. It's not impossible but it's not fun.

But AIBU to think that since we are in such a fortunate financial position, we can splash out on a bit of mid-week chicken? Why the need to control our existence in such a shitty way?

Wait - while I'm at it- a cleaner. I always said to him I want a cleaner when I am back at work. Our time together is too valuable to waste time cleaning. But nope. Instead I spent at least an hour of my day off cleaning skid marks that his disgusting mate had left in our family bathroom last night, scrubbing the rest of that bathroom down, vacuuming and mopping the ground floor, and doing laundry.

All while trying to entertain a toddler or get him to nap (bloody hard work).

On Saturdays we both do a full clean of the house, either while the child sleeps or if he won't sleep,!we take turns cleaning / entertaining child.

I'm sick of living such a miserly existence when we can well and truly afford to live a little!

That does not sound like a fun way to live.

Have you spoken to him about it before or is this recent behaviour

I'd be very glum. It sounds like he is financially controlling which is depressing to live with.

Just use your money to buy chicken for you and your child next time. Let dh watch you eat it and count his pennies.

Has he always been this controlling over money?

I can’t decide if this is a bit of a stealth boast

Anyway, you should have a say over what you spend your money on

Why does he get to decide the budget?

Fuck that shit. We spend twice as much on food, have a cleaner and have a fraction of the disposable income that you do.
There's nothing worse than a tightwad. Why does he get to dictate the spending?

What a giant stingy git!

I agree it doesn’t sound fun - but is this the reason you’re in such a fortunate financial position to start with? At least partly?

I couldn’t live that way FWIW, but very tight fisted people are more likely to have mortgages paid off early & plenty of savings. For obvious reasons I guess!

But no, YANBU, at all about the chicken. What about takeaways or meals out? Are they forbidden?

Sounds like financial abuse/control which is a form of domestic abuse.
Get yourself some advice and help. Perhaps check out the freedom project.

Actually I'm probably a bit hasty posting that because you do have plenty of money to spend but it's sounds horrible. It needs discussed and probably stopped in it tracks.

That’s ridiculous! There is no point saving money if it means having such a big impact on your day to day living.

Get the cleaner and eat the chicken! Tell him
to stop being a Scrooge!

If he won't compromise I'd leave tbh!

So, you're earning your own money. You do the bulk of the cleaning. Get a cleaner if you want one. You don't need his permission.

You don't exactly have it tough, do you OP...

Holiday home abroad?

That's madness. We have much much less spare money than you and we have chicken whenever we bloody well want it. Our budget is £80 a week on food shopping and we are two adults, a 3yo and a 11 month old. So one extra baby than you but double the food shop budget (and we sometimes go over, no huge issue if we do) and far less disposable income.

I couldn't live like that, I'd be utterly miserable. Life is for living and you are in a position to be able to balance living comfortably and still save.

Plucking a figure of £200, if you spent this on additional things (such as chicken midweek if you fancy it) per month, it wouldn't have much of a noticeable impact on your savings, yet would make day to day living more enjoyable!

Why does he get to set the food budget?

He sounds like a misery guts sucking the joy out of living while every penny is remanded in custody.
Life’s too short, buy the chicken, or even better get a mumsnet chicken it will last you all week

You earn £5000 a month between you and 'his rule' is that your not 'allowed' spend more than £40 a week on food and nappies?

LTB, the controlling B.

Not only is this not a fun way to live if you have a choice, the level of control he wants to exert is alarming. I would be inclined to tell him that you are drawing a line in the sand. Either he adopts a more healthy to both your relationship and joint spending, or you want out. Do you really want to live like this for years?

On Friday if he hasn’t cleaned up and cooked a storecupboard meal, I would declare it takeout night!

You can definitely afford chicken..and a cleaner. Honestly, you’d both be better off enjoying the home and life you have now...the holiday home doesn’t seem important if he’s making you skimp in everyday life!!

£6 is a lot for chicken for four people!

We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future

Bollocks to the future, what about your child's today? As DC gets older, they won't look back on the private education/ponies/trust fund/whatever, they'll look back on the arguments and the penny pinching. Emotional wellbeing is the greatest, most important thing you can give a child.