That we can afford the chicken!?

[hungryfordinner]

So I've had an argument with my husband and really need some independent perspective.

We are a family of three - me, husband and toddler

• we own our house outright (paid off last summer)!
• we both earn good salaries- after childcare we have about £5k per month to go towards living and saving. We each get £500 to cover tube transport / mobile / personal expenses, so £4000 is free. We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future. There is plenty in savings if we need it.

And yet- today I realised we had no meat in the fridge aside from some sausages, no vegetables apart from tomatoes; and we only get groceries on a Sunday. Not fancying sausages, I bought some chicken breasts in Sainsbury's for £6, and came home and made dinner for the three of us, using the tomatoes and pasta we already had.

I thought that my husband would be pleased I had dinner ready (Wednesday is my day off; he has Fridays off and never has dinner ready for me when I get home).

Well, he has come home and kicked off big time about me buying the chicken. Apparently we need to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, even if it means pesto pasta or tinned meals. And we shouldn't be eating so much meat.

We spend max £40 on food / nappies (his rule) per week and honestly it's driving me crazy. Yes- some people do this and manage fine. I get this. It's not impossible but it's not fun.

But AIBU to think that since we are in such a fortunate financial position, we can splash out on a bit of mid-week chicken? Why the need to control our existence in such a shitty way?

Wait - while I'm at it- a cleaner. I always said to him I want a cleaner when I am back at work. Our time together is too valuable to waste time cleaning. But nope. Instead I spent at least an hour of my day off cleaning skid marks that his disgusting mate had left in our family bathroom last night, scrubbing the rest of that bathroom down, vacuuming and mopping the ground floor, and doing laundry.

All while trying to entertain a toddler or get him to nap (bloody hard work).

On Saturdays we both do a full clean of the house, either while the child sleeps or if he won't sleep,!we take turns cleaning / entertaining child.

I'm sick of living such a miserly existence when we can well and truly afford to live a little!

I think it was Steve Jobs who said "let food be your medicine or medicine will become your food" or something similar, if you have the disposable income I would not be economising and living a life as if you were on benefits. Tell your DH you will not live like that.

Is it the carbon footprint that stops you being allowed to get a cleaner too OP?

If I were you I'd be very, very careful about whose name savings and property is in. And I'd also be making sure I had a very good idea of what we had and where, just in case it were being siphoned off "for safe keeping." (Easily justifiable, as you're so profligate )

He sounds as miserable as my Nan.

She’s always saying how broke she is...yet I know full well she owns her own home and has oodles of cash in the bank.

She’s so broke she can’t afford to put the heating on in the house..and instead confines herself to one room with a gas fire.

Yet goes on 3-5 foreign holidays a year

All of you have very good points. I used to do the grocery online shop, but would send it to him to check, and he'd come back with stuff to delete (or occasionally add), always around £40.

Then he decided that online shopping has too much of a carbon footprint, so he now does the shopping weekly. We don't have a car so he takes a grocery trolley.

Even his parents think he's far too obsessed with money. They are wealthy and also frugal (just not as bad as him), and his mum was a terrible cook, so I don't know if he doesn't get the importance of a good diet. My family were always on a budget, but our fridge was never empty and we always ate well- something I want my child to experience too.

I don't mind bringing my own lunch, so long as I have the ingredients to make it!

And yes- we take approx 1 long haul holiday per year, and 2 short haul or local, so yes our carbon footprint isn't greatly magnified by chicken! 🍗

I just don't think he even has an inkling that his ideals are strange.

I could indeed pay for a cleaner out of my £500 but after tube / gym / phone / general personal upkeep like haircuts and makeup, I don't end up with much to spare! I need a couple of work dresses because my pre-pregnancy stuff is too big now (probably because I BYO lunch rather than go to pret etc).

Long time lurker here, wow OP all the LTB comments! Fwiw I think you should have been able to buy the chicken without criticism. But you yourself admit you are not great with money and yet you are MORTGAGE FREE!!!! And presumably quite young as you have a toddler. There must be a reason you have got there and it seems to be your husband (BTW if it wasn't for my husband I would be drowning in cc debt and pcp car payments so I know it can be wise to defer in some cases. Provided savings are split 50/50)
LTB is extreme but I agree with a pp suggesting an additional £200 a month spend on luxuries (chicken and a cleaner!) your dh does need to try and relax a bit money wise.

Amibeingnaive
Nowt wrong with Skeggy! You enjoy yourself mate!!

Your dh sounds a control freak to me. £40 for food and nappies is nothing. You are comfortable financially yet he is making your life a misery. There are no pockets in a shroud. You need to be able to buy more groceries and could easily afford £100 per week, which is not a lot. If you want a cleaner just get one and pay out of your wages. A couple of hours each week should only cost £25. Just splash out now and then what is he going to do about it? Your dh needs to lighten up and enjoy life. Life is for enjoying here and now as well as saving for future. Don't let him control you.

He’s a cheapskate!

Bloody hell if I was spending £12 on dishwasher tablets I’d be expecting them to unload the machine for me

Just get your own bank account, have your salary paid into that and buy extra food/ pay for a cleaner as you wish, surely?

Set up a DD into the savings account and let your DH know how much you are paying in.

@Serin I cannot wait. Mumsnet favourite Peter Andre will be performing. He loves his kids, I hear.

Re the £12 dishwasher tablets I do tend to buy massive boxes of the things because the price per unit is lower than smaller packs. But I can say, with much regret, that they contribute neither to the loading nor the emptying of the dishwasher.

There are no pockets in a shroud.

Really? Just tell him to get stuffed.

With Morrisons shopping deliveries there is a 'green' option where you can pick a slot when they're already delivering in your area, allowing you to reduce the environmental impact.

op you need to have a serious chat with your oh!

£40 on a weeks shop is just miserly and utterly joyless.

What a miserable penny pinching existence.

Seriously, put your bloody foot down.

I hesitate to comment really but is £6 a lot to spend on chicken for 4?
That aside his attitude is clearly making you unhappy (unsurprising) I would suggest a big talk.
If he’s like that with you buying some chicken I dread to think what he’s like with other things

Is that £500 your personal spends for a month? Surely commuting costs (tube?) aren't optional costs and shouldn't come out of personal money?

I would claim a cleaner is also a joint cost and shouldn't need to come out of your £500. But YMMV. Either way, pay for a cleaner for a few months and expect him still to do his share while you're sat around with your feet up, and I'll bet he changes his mind about it being an unreasonable expense.

I think it is very concerning that he questioned you buying the chicken (after cooking him a nice dinner with it!). If I buy anything my DH would just assume it was cause we a) needed it or b) I wanted it, I am an adult as is he and we are free to make these kinds of decisions. (unless one of you has form for getting into debt).

It is a pretty sad way to live fretting over every penny when you are financially comfortable. You need to nip this in the bud now.

Dish up plain boiled pasta, no sauce, no cheese, no condiments until he complains.

He has control issues. Do not let him control you. Buy whatever you like.
And dont have nore kids wit him or give up your job. UNLESS he sorts out his issues.

God does he not get sick of the penny pinching.
Yes it’s great to save up and have plans but you have to live your life for now not just for the future.
Honestly he needs to understand that by many people’s standards you are loaded, and there’s simply no need to be so restrictive.
I honestly can’t imagine how you can put up with such a miserly attitude.

There are no pockets in a shroud

everyday is a school day !!

If your DH is this miserly when you have £4K spare each month (which is far, far more than most people), when will he ever loosen up? When he gets the holiday home, he’ll be focussed on maximising investments, or buy another home for your child. I couldn’t live with someone who appears to be the living embodiment of Scrooge. How miserable.

Very controlling and also annoying. Is he uptight? Doesn't sound very sexy at all.