That we can afford the chicken!?

[hungryfordinner]

So I've had an argument with my husband and really need some independent perspective.

We are a family of three - me, husband and toddler

• we own our house outright (paid off last summer)!
• we both earn good salaries- after childcare we have about £5k per month to go towards living and saving. We each get £500 to cover tube transport / mobile / personal expenses, so £4000 is free. We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future. There is plenty in savings if we need it.

And yet- today I realised we had no meat in the fridge aside from some sausages, no vegetables apart from tomatoes; and we only get groceries on a Sunday. Not fancying sausages, I bought some chicken breasts in Sainsbury's for £6, and came home and made dinner for the three of us, using the tomatoes and pasta we already had.

I thought that my husband would be pleased I had dinner ready (Wednesday is my day off; he has Fridays off and never has dinner ready for me when I get home).

Well, he has come home and kicked off big time about me buying the chicken. Apparently we need to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, even if it means pesto pasta or tinned meals. And we shouldn't be eating so much meat.

We spend max £40 on food / nappies (his rule) per week and honestly it's driving me crazy. Yes- some people do this and manage fine. I get this. It's not impossible but it's not fun.

But AIBU to think that since we are in such a fortunate financial position, we can splash out on a bit of mid-week chicken? Why the need to control our existence in such a shitty way?

Wait - while I'm at it- a cleaner. I always said to him I want a cleaner when I am back at work. Our time together is too valuable to waste time cleaning. But nope. Instead I spent at least an hour of my day off cleaning skid marks that his disgusting mate had left in our family bathroom last night, scrubbing the rest of that bathroom down, vacuuming and mopping the ground floor, and doing laundry.

All while trying to entertain a toddler or get him to nap (bloody hard work).

On Saturdays we both do a full clean of the house, either while the child sleeps or if he won't sleep,!we take turns cleaning / entertaining child.

I'm sick of living such a miserly existence when we can well and truly afford to live a little!

Fuck that shit. On a Wednesday in future take you and ds out for a huge slap up lunch, then say you just fancy toast for dinner.

Let him have pesto pasta. And unless you are reducing your carbon footprint in every area, chicken isn't so bad.

On the holiday home? Are you going to be sitting in every night with pesto pasta? Sounds awful.

You need to start a secret savings account.

Are you actually serious? £40 a week for food? Your husband losing it because you bought chicken for dinner which cost £6? I could maybe see his point if you were struggling on a very low income but you’re not by your own admission. I spend at least £150.00 a week on food/household products for a family of 3 so can’t imagine what kind of food you are eating / household products you are buying if it only costs £40? And why would you deprive yourself and your child when you obviously can afford to buy decent quality food etc.?

Also, if your kids are in nappies now, they'll soon start to eat larger portions and that budget will have to increase. He should prepare himself for that.

Does he make his own lunch for work? Because you can't get lunch at Pret for less that £6...

I've got no where near as much money as you and my dp wouldn't give a flying fuck how much I spent on a bit of chicken! Or anything else for that matter. He trusts me to make decisions regarding the family finances and wouldn't question it. Your dh sounds a bit controlling tbh.

Oh god OP your update is even worse...

You can't buy lunch at work??? Tell me, on your massive income, you're not taking your own miserable bloody cling filmed sandwiches or Tupperwares of leftovers??!!
That's how us lot who've got no money live! And it's boring as fuck!

Youve got the money, enjoy having a bloody lunch from the shops for god's sake.
WHATS THE POINT IN MONEY SITTING THERE?!

I couldn't live with such a misery guts.

I would tell him (not ask him), that you're paying for a cleaner to do your half of the cleaning. You can pay out of the money you earn.

If he wants to save money by doing his half of the cleaning himself, he can crack on.

Two of us and a baby spend double that on food weekly. (Admittedly DH is an endurance athlete and eats for three) We do top up shops too! Has your DH actually tried shopping himself on that budget?

This really sounds like a miserable way to live tbh.

I’d go out and buy more chicken tomorrow.

What's the carbon footprint of 2 homes for 3 people (one beung a child). He's a controlling idiot.

My DH can be a bit funny over money, like Amibeingnaive’s DH, and we are also fortunate to be in a comfortable financial position. He does the majority of our grocery shopping and I think he’s never broken out of being son of a single mum then an impoverished student. For example it’s taken me years to persuade him to get decent quality toilet paper and not cheap and nasty stuff that is unpleasant to use. He is generous in other ways and makes encouraging noises when I go clothes/shoe shopping (which I hate) or if I buy craft items or books - it’s just food and household items for some reason.

Having said that, he would never kick off if I splash out on some naice food from Waitrose or M&S, nor impose a budget without discussion. That would be raising red flags for me.

£40 a week? Is he for real? I spend about £20 just on non food stuff, probably more.

There are people who have to survive on £40 a week for food as it's all they have.
Your husband is sucking the life out of you.
What happens when the baby grows?
Fruit isn't cheap, ditto yoghurts, snacks for example.

I can't stand skinflints. One of life's greatest pleasures ( in my opinion of course ) is eating and the way you have been treated over a chicken is disgraceful.

Incidentally, who actually goes and does the food shop? We're a family of 4 but technically feeding 3 adults as ds is nearly 16 and well over 6ft. I do 15 packed lunches a week. Our average spend is £150 but can easily go over that.

Carbon footprint of chicken yet he is happy to spend 5 figure sums on holidays which presumably dont involve driving to Skegness?

1 - no point in being the richest man in the graveyard
2 - feed him pesto pasta for a week say it's all you can get on budget
3 - £40 food shop? WHERE IS THE WINE?
4 - make him clear up his mates skid marks

Oh god, I've just realised you work! Why on Earth is he laying down the law?

And yes, GET A CLEANER. I have ridiculous bourgeois guilt about paying someone to clean for me so i don't have one, but I am a bellend.

Ps make it beef next time.

@JazzyBBG

£40 food shop? WHERE IS THE WINE?

Important question.

You cannot possibly be so ill-informed that you don't know that £4,000 per month after all bills is a vast amount of money to have in a household budget?

What do you do all day that makes you unaware of this?

So hopefully meeek means he accepts some indulgences would be ok?

Tell him to get to fuck. I mean , seriously why would you let someone be a tightwad like this?

You’re spending £40 a week on food, whilst having a fully paid off London house and £4000/month disposable income?

Have I actually got that right?

£40 a week on groceries when you can afford more!!! Wow, just wow.

Was he very poor as a child? Has he always been this miserly?

@Serin in fairness it was me who mentioned the £££££ holidays and, to the best of my knowledge, my DH has not ever considered the carbon footprint of a chicken breast.

Ironically though, he and I are actually going to Skegness tomorrow for a romantic weekend at Butlins 😄

£40 a week for food?! That's quite tight if you're earning that much, we earn similar but spend over £100 per week on the shopping (although includes dog food, nappies etc).
We also have a cleaner.

Life is far to short to spend time cleaning if you don't enjoy it and can easily afford to pay a cleaner.

And what he said is bollocks if he's planning to fly to this holiday home!

Although we've not paid off our mortgage... Maybe we should take a leaf out of your DHs book