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AIBU?

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Original poster

That we can afford the chicken!?

792 replies

hungryfordinner · 27/02/2019 18:49

So I've had an argument with my husband and really need some independent perspective.

We are a family of three - me, husband and toddler

  • we own our house outright (paid off last summer)!
  • we both earn good salaries- after childcare we have about £5k per month to go towards living and saving. We each get £500 to cover tube transport / mobile / personal expenses, so £4000 is free. We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future. There is plenty in savings if we need it.

And yet- today I realised we had no meat in the fridge aside from some sausages, no vegetables apart from tomatoes; and we only get groceries on a Sunday. Not fancying sausages, I bought some chicken breasts in Sainsbury's for £6, and came home and made dinner for the three of us, using the tomatoes and pasta we already had.

I thought that my husband would be pleased I had dinner ready (Wednesday is my day off; he has Fridays off and never has dinner ready for me when I get home).

Well, he has come home and kicked off big time about me buying the chicken. Apparently we need to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, even if it means pesto pasta or tinned meals. And we shouldn't be eating so much meat.

We spend max £40 on food / nappies (his rule) per week and honestly it's driving me crazy. Yes- some people do this and manage fine. I get this. It's not impossible but it's not fun.

But AIBU to think that since we are in such a fortunate financial position, we can splash out on a bit of mid-week chicken? Why the need to control our existence in such a shitty way?

Wait - while I'm at it- a cleaner. I always said to him I want a cleaner when I am back at work. Our time together is too valuable to waste time cleaning. But nope. Instead I spent at least an hour of my day off cleaning skid marks that his disgusting mate had left in our family bathroom last night, scrubbing the rest of that bathroom down, vacuuming and mopping the ground floor, and doing laundry.

All while trying to entertain a toddler or get him to nap (bloody hard work).

On Saturdays we both do a full clean of the house, either while the child sleeps or if he won't sleep,!we take turns cleaning / entertaining child.

I'm sick of living such a miserly existence when we can well and truly afford to live a little!

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 27/02/2019 19:30

Saving for the future? By living in misery just now?

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 27/02/2019 19:30

Why are you allowing this to happen? You need to tell him, not ask him, or are you not allowed to decide him your earned salary is spent?

He also doesn’t get to decide what you eat, if you want meat everyday, then you eat meat everyday if you can afford to!

Do you have access to the bank accounts?

LEELULUMPKIN · 27/02/2019 19:30

Stuff that for a lark (or a chicken) I cannot believe the shit some people put up with. Miser's never change OP, so just think on that you will still be having to justify buying a bit of bloody chicken when you get that holiday home. Sounds like real fun.

Amibeingnaive · 27/02/2019 19:30

All that said, DH has not and would never try and impose a budget on me for grocery shopping.

Does he do the shopping or do you? If so where is he shopping - surely not at Sainsbury's? I managed to spend £65 on a top-up shop in there yesterday (which admittedly included champagne, but still).

Original poster
hungryfordinner · 27/02/2019 19:31

Oh wow so many replies! I will take a closer look shortly .. thank you all for your time.

However

  1. no it's not a stealth boast, it's a full on whinge. I know damn well we are fucking well really really fortunate!
  2. neither of us are privately educated, nor will our child be.
  3. our second home will be in my country, where we plan to move after having another child (or in a few years if we do not). Will keep London house for child/children
  4. I got a huge amount of chicken breasts for £6; it was about 5 or 6? I like to buy big packets because it's better value for money and I can freeze some for next week. Or cook a big batch of food and take some leftovers for lunch.
  5. I have admittedly let my husband set the financial budget. He is good at saving money. I am not so good with money (although don't have a debt problem, I just tend to whittle it away if I'm not careful, ie I buy supermarket shops during the week or buy lunch at work).

Husband has come in meekly and said it's not just the money, it's the carbon footprint of meat 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
CalmdownJanet · 27/02/2019 19:32

God what a joy sponge! No wonder you have money with such a tight wad!

I bet he could peel an orange in his pocket!

EssentialHummus · 27/02/2019 19:32

I think (along with what everyone else said) that you're facilitating this too much for him. Leave him to magic up 4 dinners from a tin of chopped tomatoes and half a scone, or whatever you've got in the fridge. Leave him to clean up after his mate. If he thinks this is what he wants he needs to act on it, not be cushioned by your hard work.

And more generally, if it's Wednesday and the fridge is empty (and your funds allow) you go out and buy more food; you don't punish yourself until Sunday.

TSSDNCOP · 27/02/2019 19:32

It’s not the cost of the chicken is it? It’s that he has spending rules and you’ve broken them.

He’ll be a miser here, and a miser in the lovely holiday home if he doesn’t start to unclench.

I agree, you can live like that, but fuck me life’s too short to be scraping as a lifestyle when you’re actually pretty minted.

marylou1977 · 27/02/2019 19:33

I guess he now grocery shops, cleans and cooks. He is not a king. If these are his standards, then he needs to go by them.

HollowTalk · 27/02/2019 19:33

Buy the chicken for yourself and eat it. Let him sort out his own food. He sounds very selfish.

PersonaNonGarter · 27/02/2019 19:33

Fight back HARD.

Your money, your choice, one life.

NataliaOsipova · 27/02/2019 19:34

Husband has come in meekly and said it's not just the money, it's the carbon footprint of meat 🤦‍♀️

I sincerely hope he isn’t going to be taking any flights to this future holiday home......!

chillpizza · 27/02/2019 19:35

Sounds like a complete fun sponge. I’m all for savings but £40 a week on food when you earn 5k a month common that’s a joke.

ShakeYourTailFeathers · 27/02/2019 19:36

Oh he sounds fun.

LEELULUMPKIN · 27/02/2019 19:36

A few threads ago another poster (sorry I don't remember your name to give you the credit for this) said that they knew someone who was so tight that if they put a lump of coal up their arse they would have a diamond in a fortnight.

It's not your DH is it OP?

mummmy2017 · 27/02/2019 19:36

I think it is the CO OP who only do UK meat.
Maybe have a chat with him and say you want to up the food budget, say by £20 a week, as you need more as you feel your earning half the money as well so should have a say in it.

CherryPavlova · 27/02/2019 19:36

Forty pounds a week for food sounds very frugal. It would sap the joy out of food and life. I understand some have no choice and must scrimp but for most people that’s just not sustainable unless you grow your own vegetables, keep chickens and forage a lot.
Give him value beans on thin white value bread every day. Keep going until he stops being quite so silly. You can have something nicer.
The money belonged to you all. You all get to decide how it’s spent.

CalmdownJanet · 27/02/2019 19:37

Tell him no problem that next time you'll go to the local butchers for the locally sourced slightly more expensive organic chicken, bet the tight fucker changes his carbon footprint tune then

supersop60 · 27/02/2019 19:37

Oh my God, that's ridiculous.
Yes, you can afford a bit of chicken mid-week, if you want to.
You earn good money, and while it is sensible to save, you really do not have to live like paupers. Please enjoy your life a bit before you die wealthy and miserable.

Sosad2004 · 27/02/2019 19:37

God god. How much of a carbon footprint- that argument does make sense if you are going to by flying (maybe?) To a holiday home?
Tell him you & your kids needs the protein & nutrients from the chicken. He can get by on his tinned meals if he want to, you have plenty of cash enjoy your chicken!

PettyContractor · 27/02/2019 19:37

It’s not the cost of the chicken is it? It’s that he has spending rules and you’ve broken them.

This sounds plausible to me.

Tell him you've increased the food budget to £60, with effect from last weekend. He should then be happy, as you've under-spent by £14.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 27/02/2019 19:38

Fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Get a cleaner and pay her/him out of the joint account and buy yourself venison, smoked salmon, oysters and caviar for the next week and watch his mean little head explode. Honestly Op, who made him the boss of you - oh wait, I forgot he has a penis and balls so obviously he knows best.

If you want to carry on cleaning up his mate's shit stains, then go right ahead. Alternatively, you could remember that women have had the vote since 1918 and you can choose to exercise your free will and have an equal say in the weekly budget and whether you get a cleaner.

Sosad2004 · 27/02/2019 19:38

Doesn’t make sense- that should say!

Candidsugar · 27/02/2019 19:38

This has got to be a joke Biscuit

SingaporeSlinky · 27/02/2019 19:39

Just tell him the £40 a week rule is ridiculous and you’ll spend what you like, as you do the shopping. I always buy free range chicken when I can. Add more meat to the weekly shop and freeze it, or add an extra shop during the week for fresh meat and extra veg.
With that money, there’s no excuse to be so tight on food.

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