That we can afford the chicken!?

[hungryfordinner]

So I've had an argument with my husband and really need some independent perspective.

We are a family of three - me, husband and toddler

• we own our house outright (paid off last summer)!
• we both earn good salaries- after childcare we have about £5k per month to go towards living and saving. We each get £500 to cover tube transport / mobile / personal expenses, so £4000 is free. We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future. There is plenty in savings if we need it.

And yet- today I realised we had no meat in the fridge aside from some sausages, no vegetables apart from tomatoes; and we only get groceries on a Sunday. Not fancying sausages, I bought some chicken breasts in Sainsbury's for £6, and came home and made dinner for the three of us, using the tomatoes and pasta we already had.

I thought that my husband would be pleased I had dinner ready (Wednesday is my day off; he has Fridays off and never has dinner ready for me when I get home).

Well, he has come home and kicked off big time about me buying the chicken. Apparently we need to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, even if it means pesto pasta or tinned meals. And we shouldn't be eating so much meat.

We spend max £40 on food / nappies (his rule) per week and honestly it's driving me crazy. Yes- some people do this and manage fine. I get this. It's not impossible but it's not fun.

But AIBU to think that since we are in such a fortunate financial position, we can splash out on a bit of mid-week chicken? Why the need to control our existence in such a shitty way?

Wait - while I'm at it- a cleaner. I always said to him I want a cleaner when I am back at work. Our time together is too valuable to waste time cleaning. But nope. Instead I spent at least an hour of my day off cleaning skid marks that his disgusting mate had left in our family bathroom last night, scrubbing the rest of that bathroom down, vacuuming and mopping the ground floor, and doing laundry.

All while trying to entertain a toddler or get him to nap (bloody hard work).

On Saturdays we both do a full clean of the house, either while the child sleeps or if he won't sleep,!we take turns cleaning / entertaining child.

I'm sick of living such a miserly existence when we can well and truly afford to live a little!

Could he have financial problems you may not know about?

If he doesn't want to eat meat for environmental reasons, that's completely fine, but it's not a choice he gets to make for you. By the same token, you shouldn't be the one bearing the consequences of the decision not to employ a cleaner. He ought to have been on skid mark duty, for a start.

Wow perhaps this thread is just an opportunity to boast?
If it is you have me well and truly jealous. We both work our arses off full time and just about scrape by

How did you come to the conclusion that these are the budgets .

The comments about how much meat cost are irrelevant .

Op you should be able to buy a whole chicken if you want to.

@twooutofthreeaintbad

I don't get the impression that OP and her DH are just dossing about at work, in fairness. They probably work their arses off too.

I also don't think she's boasting about the fact her husband was a dick over a packet of chicken breast and that he controls the purse strings.

Financial freedom is enviable, you're right. Doesn't seem like the OP has much from what I've read though.

Carbon footprint of meat? Wtf! He won't be flying away to the holiday home, will he? He'll be walking!

I don’t think the DH is financially abusive but i do think he is as tight as fuck.

DH comes from a poor background, he is a high earner, my goodness, he likes his grub. Money is no objection where food is concerned. I think his biggest fear is going back to the Colman's packet sauces of his childhood.

Does he actually do the shopping though?

DH does it a lot more these days because I make him but when I was at home with the kids on mat leave he really had no concept of the price of things. So while £100 a week on shopping sounds a lot, when you consider a packet of dishwasher tablets can be £12, a pack of loo roll £8, a packet of chicken breasts £6 etc. it adds up pretty fast without anyone buying fillet steak and Chateauneuf-du-Pape. I think we've all had that 'how much?' moment at the till, right?

Does he work in finance? My relative is a financial controller at work and makes her whole family miserable

I don’t know why people are accusing the OP of boasting. There’s nothing to boast about living with a miser, it’s utterly horrible

Oh dear OP - all that money and a bloody miserable existence

Stinginess really is a most unattractive trait

Does he know he can’t take it with him? Stingy controlling git.

Did he actually eat the chicken though ?

I bet my Carbon footprint he did

How is he in a broader sense though OP? Is it just food he's weird about or is it other stuff. And is it only you who isn't allowed to break the rules?

Excellent. You’re on the same page now- you need an extra 20 per week minimum in the food shop to buy organic local meat.
When my dh says something ridiculous purely because he thinks it will make his argument stronger I call him on it like that every time. You need to spend the extra for the next few weeks. Or negotiate it down to half and ... just buy meat for you and ds.

Would be interested to know who's account the savings is in tbh.

oh, so THAT'S how you pay your mortgage off early and have a holiday home for when you're too old and knackered to enjoy it

Also, while he can't 'take it with him' he can use it as a buffer in case he loses his job, hand it down to his child, use it to see him through retirement etc etc.

I don't disagree that he should loosen the purse strings but a cavalier philosophy like that is to be exercised with caution, as people continue to live longer and the cost of living rises.

Christ. What a complete and utter twat.

"I just tend to whittle it away if I'm not careful" - yeah on food for your family dinner. OP grow a backbone. If you are going to keep posting then answer some questions, how can you not be aware that you are in fact very wealthy already and that to have to save a few £s on some chicken is just preposterous.

Financially I'm in roughly the same position as you OP. I spend £100 a week on food shopping (excluding cleaning products, washing liquid, fabric conditioner, drinks...) and it's only me and 3yo DD.

I've also been in the position of having to budget myself to £30 a week. It's not something I'd ever go back to just for the sake of it - such a miserable, uncomfortable way to live.

£100 a week wouldn't make a dent in your disposable income so I honestly cannot understand your husbands problem.
I couldn't live with someone so miserly, tightness is one of the worst traits.
Draw a line in it and say no more. He isn't doing the shop, he doesn't get to set the 'budget' - you don't even need one!

@timeisnotaline great idea - OP's DH can go meat free several days a week, because OP appreciates his concern about his carbon footprint and wants to support him in reducing it.

He is controlling you financially. It is not beyond the realms of being unreasonable to buy a piece of chicken for supper.
I would be very wary op. You may own your house, but it is a gilded cage unless you can live independently and use your joint money how you see fit.
He is not your jailer, choosing to scold you for spending money you have worked hard for.
Financial abuse can spread to general controlling.

Some of the wealthiest people I know are the tightest penny pinching...
ok, so it's the Carbon footprint but you need to tell him that his reaction was OVER the top. Way over.

Tell him fork off.