That we can afford the chicken!?

[hungryfordinner]

So I've had an argument with my husband and really need some independent perspective.

We are a family of three - me, husband and toddler

• we own our house outright (paid off last summer)!
• we both earn good salaries- after childcare we have about £5k per month to go towards living and saving. We each get £500 to cover tube transport / mobile / personal expenses, so £4000 is free. We are saving for an overseas home and our child's future. There is plenty in savings if we need it.

And yet- today I realised we had no meat in the fridge aside from some sausages, no vegetables apart from tomatoes; and we only get groceries on a Sunday. Not fancying sausages, I bought some chicken breasts in Sainsbury's for £6, and came home and made dinner for the three of us, using the tomatoes and pasta we already had.

I thought that my husband would be pleased I had dinner ready (Wednesday is my day off; he has Fridays off and never has dinner ready for me when I get home).

Well, he has come home and kicked off big time about me buying the chicken. Apparently we need to make what's in the fridge last a whole week, even if it means pesto pasta or tinned meals. And we shouldn't be eating so much meat.

We spend max £40 on food / nappies (his rule) per week and honestly it's driving me crazy. Yes- some people do this and manage fine. I get this. It's not impossible but it's not fun.

But AIBU to think that since we are in such a fortunate financial position, we can splash out on a bit of mid-week chicken? Why the need to control our existence in such a shitty way?

Wait - while I'm at it- a cleaner. I always said to him I want a cleaner when I am back at work. Our time together is too valuable to waste time cleaning. But nope. Instead I spent at least an hour of my day off cleaning skid marks that his disgusting mate had left in our family bathroom last night, scrubbing the rest of that bathroom down, vacuuming and mopping the ground floor, and doing laundry.

All while trying to entertain a toddler or get him to nap (bloody hard work).

On Saturdays we both do a full clean of the house, either while the child sleeps or if he won't sleep,!we take turns cleaning / entertaining child.

I'm sick of living such a miserly existence when we can well and truly afford to live a little!

With the amount of money you have available he is being very miserly. Personally I would not let my dh tell me what our joint food budget with our joint money should be. I spend £80+ a week. We like nice food.

I couldn’t live like that! You should be enjoying the comforts that your pretty high relative wealth brings. Do you go on holidays or do anything nice?

BTW, £6 sounds about right for around 4 chicken breasts from a Sains Local.

Fuck that, we are family of 3 and spend double without the nappies! No spare money but I would rather have no savings that not feed us properly. You are not buying enough food to make it last the week! Are you scared of standing up to him?

Is this a reverse? I think this is a reverse

He sounds a bit mean!! But I’m very impressed you have paid you morgage off we never managed that until we were 50 !! So well done to you. But it does sound like your husband has forgotten how to enjoy life having nice food is important and it does sound like you have plenty of money. I think it’s time to but your foot down and tell him food budget needs to increase I would say double and that cleaner is going to be employed for three hours a week!! May be it’s time to make him watch a Christmas carol!!

BTW, £6 sounds about right for around 4 chicken breasts from a Sains Local yes but you only need two breasts for two adults and a toddler.

Surely as you both work he cannot dictate what you choose to spend money on?
I could perhaps understand it if money was very tight, but as you are very comfortable off he is being ridiculous.

We (family of 4 ) spend about £100 per week on food, and my DH is overjoyed if l happen to buy a joint of beef midweek!

A cleaner is perfectly reasonable, in your position l wouldn't hesitate and certainly wouldn't be told what l can and cannot spend my money on.

I'd be utterly miserable living like you do...
There's only me and DH we have far less disposable income than you but equally value our time and more so fridge contents...
We spend double what you do on the weekly shop and I can easily spend an extra £40 just popping into Tesco midweek.
He a controlling man, who I wouldn't want to be living with

So why does he get to make the rules about how much you spend on food, meat, chicken or anything else? In our house, I decide, and dp doesn't care. Chicken??? I buy chicken for the ddog - those herbed, roast-in-the-bag ones; she has 2/3 a week. And we've got a mortgage and nowhere near as much disposable income as you! I hate meanness!

He sounds terribly financially abusive. He needs to be made to watch every version of Scrooge / A Christmas Carol.
What are you going to do OP?

Who made him the boss of the finances?!

This clearly is something you need to discuss and decide if a compromise can be made or if you should separate.

What a miserable way to live

You never know what's around the corner - illness, trauma, a life changing injury or accident. So while the going is so good, at least live a little and enjoy your fortunate circumstances

There needs to be a balance between saving and spending. What's the point in accumulating all this money if you can't even have a bit of £6 chicken when you fancy it

Sounds bloody miserable. And unnecessary. If it were me (because I’m petty), I’d go to town on this - value beans on value toast every night until he sees the error of his ways....

This has echoes of that ham thread

it doesn't matter how many chicken breasts there were and if they cost £6 each, this is shite. Why in gods name would you choose to live like that?

go out and buy fish and chips whilst you wait for a taxi to take you away from this madness. WTAF.

I wonder if your DH comes from a background where poverty was an issue.

We are very well off, by anyone's standards, but DH can still be weird about money, because things were very unstable, financially, in his childhood. And it's usually little things that he can get weird about - like this. He will be fine about spending a five figure sum on a holiday, but can have a moment about paying for a more expensive car park, when we could park in a cheaper one that's a bit further from our destination - saving: £3. It's about what he sees as 'frivolous' spending, which doesn't always align with what I think. He also has form for cutting corners at the supermarket, rather than buying the brands I prefer (I.e. Flora because it's on offer, rather than Lurpak, which he thinks is profligacy itself).

I should add that he is incredibly generous with me and not tight in the least, just strange with petty expenditure.

He has got a lot better over the years as he's finally started to feel financially secure, but occasionally he will have a random wobbler about a couple of quid and I'll be quite bemused by it. But I guess having your house repossessed as a kid can leave a scar.

Why on earth are you with him..what is the point of savings and a holiday home if you can’t eat nice food in it 😂

He's being a tight and ungrateful arse!

My DH and I earn nowhere near as much and we spend way more than £40 a week on groceries!! Your budget is crazy, especially when you factor in the price of nappies.

Who is he to decide what you spend your money on?! Get the cleaner. Buy the chicken. Life is too short to waste time on penny pinching and cleaning if you can actually afford not to.

Start shopping in Aldi I think their chickens are about 2.70

We are into FIRE; we have always watched our money, saved and have retired early BUT we were never so frugal that life became a miserly existence.

There is a medium ground and you need to find it. If you give your child a childhoood that is constrained by lack of spending, how will they feel when they grow up to realise you have thousands in the bank?

Tell him if he won’t get a cleaner, cleaning is now his job.

Spending £6 on chicken is not unreasonable if you need to be on a tight budget and you don't need to be!

Tell him you're not happy with the weekly shop budget so you're upping it by 10-20 pounds a week so you can include more meat etc. You should include more variety in your child's diet anyway and not be trying to shop as if you have no money!

Also good for you clearing your debts like that, that's the dream.

Is this for real?! That's awful. I don't think I could live like that. Your disposable income is huge. Also presumably you're in or near London so shops are more expensive.

He's a dick or controlling or both.

He sounds like a controlling bastard. You earn your own money so why allow him to tell you how to spend it? Book yourself a cleaner! Uncouple your finances from his if necessary.

We spend at least £100 per week on groceries for 4 and have less income than you and a hefty mortgage. Personally I'd rather live well now than save up to spend my precious holidays in a holiday home with this twat.