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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask why people let their DCs sleep in the same bed?

441 replies

amrscot · 26/02/2019 22:54

I have a couple friends who let their 2, 3 and 4 year olds sleep in their marital beds every night.

Personally I don't understand the reasons behind it and think surely it can't be good for a relationship in the long term.

AIBU to ask others thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Pishogue · 26/02/2019 22:56

Let me see. Could it be the difference between sleep and no sleep?

Mammylamb · 26/02/2019 22:57

We do it. Otherwise we would get no sleep

Not sure why it bothers you though

AnneLovesGilbert · 26/02/2019 22:57

Have you asked them? They’re more likely to know the reasons than we are.

Original poster
amrscot · 26/02/2019 22:58

@Pishogue but wouldn't it be better to try to persevere with the child to get it to sleep in its own bed? Surely this would happen after 2, 3 or 4 years?

OP posts:
RickOShay · 26/02/2019 22:58

Why don’t you think it would be good in the long term?
Why do you care?

Areyouongluedear · 26/02/2019 22:59

Because I’m tired as shit and can’t be arsed to keep waking up hearing a whiney “muuum-meeee” every few hours.

MmaMakutsi · 26/02/2019 22:59

Grin at ‘marital bed’. Are you stuck in the 1950’s?

Original poster
amrscot · 26/02/2019 22:59

When I've asked they have no apparent reason for the child sleeping in their bed instead of their own

OP posts:
elQuintoConyo · 26/02/2019 22:59

Thoughts?

Just make yourself a cup of tea and have a little think yourself.

Mammylamb · 26/02/2019 23:00

They might have reasons but think they are none of your business

sleepwhenidie · 26/02/2019 23:00

You know it’s possible to have sex in places other than in bed at night, right?

Sleep deprivation isn’t good for relationships either.

It can be lovely to snuggle up with your little one (especially if they aren’t the wriggly/elbowy type)

Why do you care?!

NuffSaidSam · 26/02/2019 23:00

Because everyone sleeps better that way
Because they are attachment parenting
Because they like it
Because they want to

I really wouldn't worry about it. Worry about your own DC and your own marital bed and be done with.

burbleburble · 26/02/2019 23:01

Unless they go to bed at the same time as their children, I'm sure they have the opportunity to enjoy one another, and are quite adept at finding suitable (child free) locations. DH and I sleep in separate rooms as he snores, and I don't cope well with being woken repeatedly through the night. We're also maximising sleep, I doubt we're that unusual.

Pishogue · 26/02/2019 23:01

Did you go around and ask questions with a clipboard? Damn them and their inability to produce reasons!

DippyAvocado · 26/02/2019 23:01

To get some sleep! DD is actually a better bedfellow than DH. DH sleeps in another room.

Sizeofalentil · 26/02/2019 23:01

Our 14month old sleeps in our bed because it's the only place she'll sleep. And yes, we've tried everything.

I hated it at first, but now I really enjoy the extra cuddles and snuggles I get from her. Especially as I'm back at work after maternity leave.

Re: relationship - I don't get what you mean? If you mean sex, I think dh and I have more than a lot of couples we know with similarly aged babies: we're less tired and sex becomes more of a priority as we have to plan it to some degree and do it earlier in the day when the baby is off having a nap.

BirdieInTheHand · 26/02/2019 23:02

I did. It's easier than getting up in the night. Everybody sleeps.

PS you know you can have sex other than in the marital bed you know?

Kintan · 26/02/2019 23:02

Why would it not be good for the marriage? Surely not being sleep deprived would make your marriage happier! It’s only for a few short years - you never hear of a15 year old who sleeps in with their parents still. Honestly OP if I were you I wouldn’t give it another thought - they probably don’t understand your reasons behind not doing it either.

SweetheartNeckline · 26/02/2019 23:02

"Marital bed" Grin

Because it seems perfectly natural to us, we all get more sleep and we all like it?

MadameJosephine · 26/02/2019 23:02

Why do they need to give you a reason? My DD sleeps with me because she prefers to and I’m happy to let her, I don’t need to justify that choice to anyone

janetforpresident · 26/02/2019 23:02

Why is it anything to do with you. I have friends who are vegans, friends who are atheists, friends who do extreme sports,smoke, ride motorcycles etc. These are all things I don't do/understand but I don't start a thread

Original poster
amrscot · 26/02/2019 23:02

Don't know why some people are so touchy Confused

Asked for opinions lol

OP posts:
angelikacpickles · 26/02/2019 23:02

My 4 year old comes into our bed almost every night. He slept there all the time until he was 3.5. Now he has his own bed but he comes up at some stage during the night. I don't notice him coming in, so other than sitting up awake waiting for him, I'm not sure what you think I should be doing.

When he was a baby, he was a terrible sleeper and would wake constantly in the cot. His older sister was much better at sleeping in her cot.

donajimena · 26/02/2019 23:03

In my non-marital bed I hosted my eldest until he was 3. I actually got sleep that way. As I was working there was no chance of fighting it for a few nights. I need my sleep. Even if I hadn't been working I still would have carried on.

AChickenCalledKorma · 26/02/2019 23:04

In my case it was 3 years. If it had been as simple as getting that particular child to sleep in her own bed, we certainly have done that. But my goodness she was a light sleeper and two hours of effort followed by 30 mins of sleep didn't seem like a great alternative to a solid night's sleep in a shared bed.

She's 16 now and would sleep all day given half a chance. So I don't think any harm was done in the long run.

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