To ask why people let their DCs sleep in the same bed?

[amrscot]

I have a couple friends who let their 2, 3 and 4 year olds sleep in their marital beds every night.

Personally I don't understand the reasons behind it and think surely it can't be good for a relationship in the long term.

AIBU to ask others thoughts on this?

My dd1 and dd2 take turns to share our martial bed

Bit dangerous for children no?

As soon as my DD was out of her cot and could walk from her room to mine she would end up in my bed more often than not. The nights she didn't come into my bed either I'd end up squished in her bed or get no sleep from constantly putting her back to bed.

She's 10 now and sleeps in her own bed 99.9% of the time but occasionally when she has a bad dream or doesn't feel well, I will wake up with her snuggled in my bed, why would I want to discourage these moments which will dwindle to nothing as she gets older?

Interested to know your angle. I've got two kids and neither sleep in my bed, but still. Are you:

A) Childfree and completely clueless as to the reasons why some families might need to co-sleep for their own sanity?
B) A parent who, like me, is lucky enough that their kids can sleep in their own beds fairly consistently and yet for some reason feels the need to judge parents whose kids cannot?
C) A Daily Mail intern?

Because our four year old has night terrors, and I can't think of anything worse for him than waking up and being alone when that happens.

Because we love the cuddles.

Because I hate sleeping alone and I'm
A grown up, so I can see why a child would.

Because they're only little once

Dh and I don’t sleep in the same bed. Marital bed ha ha ha. My bed.

..but wouldn't it be better to try to persevere with the child to get it to sleep in its own bed? Surely this would happen after 2, 3 or 4 years?

Mwahahahahaha, you are ever so droll.

You don't have any kids, do you OP ?

Im a widow so mine probably doesn't count as a marital bed any more. DS is 3, he wont be doing this forever. When DH first died it was comforting for both of us.

DD is in with me at nearly 4, I love it, she sleeps better, I do as well and I treasure the cuddles and chats we have, it’s lovely.

DH and I don’t share a bed though and haven’t for 15 years. He snores, and has awful nightmares and needs loud white noise to sleep as well so he has his own room.

Because we’re too busy and tired to do the sleep training thing. Work long hours.

Personally, I don't understand people who pretend to be so dense and understand that everyone does things differently in order to be a GF.

We co-sleep. We like it. People we know are both fascinated and horrified by it. Not sure why - it feels natural to us, we've done it since he was 2 months old and we love our night-time cuddles since we both work full time and feel like we hardly see DS in the week.

*We do it. Otherwise we would get no sleep

Not sure why it bothers you though*

This x 100000000000000000000000000000000

Mind your own OP.

I would die of no sleep if I didn’t co-sleep.

And my DC feels safe and secure in with me.

Because I have a clingy child
Because I want to sleep
Because it's easier
Because it makes her happier
Because I'm pregnant and I don't want the battle
Because each to there own
Because it works for me

My 3 year old starts off in his own bed and wakes up so comes in to ours. We tried for ages to shh him and put him back in his and none of us slept. It is so much easier this way.

I never understood those who judge others sleeping arrangements.

I don't sleep well when DH is away and prefer to have a cuddle.

Why would I force my kids to sleep alone?

We have a perfectly good bedtime routine and everyone goes to their own beds nicely. When the kids want cuddles, they go to whoever they want a cuddle from.

In the morning, everyone is happy.

Win win.

I think you are getting a bit unfairly flamed OP.

I've never co-slept with DCs, they've always slept in their own beds and slept all night. But that means I've also never been in a position where I won't get any sleep unless I let them sleep in our bad so 🤷🏼‍♀️

I think YAB a bit U by asking the question as it was bound to set off a lot of defensive reactions.

Because we all needed sleep
It's much easier to keep check on a sick child
Because they wanted to
Because we wanted to
Childhood is fleeting, let them enjoy tbe love and closeness while they are lityke, they outgrow it all to soon.
Because the reasons are in fact none of tbe OPS business.

I don't co-sleep. Mostly because I know I'm a deep sleeper and struggle to wake so worried it wouldn't be very safe and luckily Ds isn't too bad a sleeper and Dp helps on a night time. I really struggle with lack of sleep, just really need a good stretch of sleep or I'm horrid. So if it was sleep or no sleep I'd take sleep.
And for us things could well change as Ds is is only 4 months.

I don't have a marital bed though as I'm not married and if you mean the intimate relationship might suffer. We rarely have sex in our non marital bed as Ds is right next to us anyway, so I'd presume others would do as we do and make the most of other rooms.

My 4yo comes into us most nights. She was the only one that co-slept (until about 2y 8m and I breastfed her until then as well). We had her cot-bed pushed against our bed with a side removed.... so we had more space.

She's been in her own bed for almost 2 years now. Still comes into us several times a week. But she's 4, not the best sleeper (obvs) and sometimes you just do what you have to do to get some sleep!!!

DS 14 months co-sleeps with us

I think small children wanting to sleep with their parents is completely natural, it’s what our ancestors would have done for thousands of years.

However, I do actually know someone who hasn’t had children yet but quite obviously finds it strange that DS sleeps in our bed, and is always telling me we need to let him cry it out because it will ‘do him good’ - I just explain to her that I want sleep and this is the easiest way, mainly because I don’t want to have a debate about sleep training - it’s just not for us and we don’t need to justify that. Secondly, I also don’t want our mutual friends who are usually around and have sleep trained, to feel I am judging their choices.

Maybe whoever you’re thinking of just can’t be bothered to ‘debate’ it with you - each to their own and all that

I'm quite envious of people who can get a decent nights sleep with a kid or two in their bed.
The nights mine were in bed with me led to the days where I felt like a hungover zombie.

How anyone can sleep being constantly kicked in the minge/back/stomach/face while simultaneously having your hair/eyes/cheeks/nipples scratched off by needle sharp nails, peppered with the odd headbutt all while being half boiling because there's a bed full of people and half frozen because they've also hogged the bedding is beyond me.

Because human beings need sleep to function. Not quite sure going without much sleep for 2, 3 or 4 years is particularly recommended - esp if you also have you go to work and function as a professional human being.

My dd 2 sleeps for between 4 and 7 hours in her own bed then stirs and in she pops. Nothing like a sleepy 'tuddles muma' to make you smile.

My eldest 2 dd slept in their own beds, ds stayed in his bed but didn't sleep and it was a constant battle, exh wouldn't allow him in with us but he would have slept better.

It's about personal choice and what works for each family and child individually. Dh and I certainly aren't missing out either.

No need to be judgy or unkind. Each to their own.

Would you be as quick to have an opinion about how a parent chooses to feed their child?