To think I should be allowed to sleep!!

[Whycantistaymotivated]

In short. I snore, I can sometimes wake myself up. DP can't sleep if I'm asleep first. I can fall asleep very quickly, I've had broke sleep since DD was born and suffered from pregnancy insomnia so it's safe to say I can fall asleep easy as I am that f@#king tired.

I am now as usual waiting for DP to fall asleep. He normally comes to bed between 12-1am I try to get to bed by 10:30 so I can get a couple of hours before he wakes me up so he can come to bed. Tonight he has come to bed early coz he has a headache so I've not actually had any sleep yet.

TV is on to keep me up until he falls asleep

This is our main arguing topic. We've been together 6 years. If we argue it's about my snoring.

Sorry for the midnight rant but AIBU to just want to sleep!

Was told to lose weight - coz that's easy! 😡

It's absolutely not easy but surely it's better than coming to (hopefully verbal) blows with someone you (presumably) love? I had something of a weight problem and I would liken dealing with it to taking up running, half of the progress you make is achieved through the realisation that your body is capable of much more than you initially believe.

My DH only really snores after he’s had a drink. He now knows to sleep in the spare room if he’s had a drink because every time he wakes me up I make sure I wake him up. Every single time. Sleep deprivation is torture and I would have ended smothering you with a pillow by now I’m afraid. Totally selfish behaviour to not try to do anything about the problem and expect others to just put up with it.

@whycantistaymotivated

First... Go in Google, search sleep apnea test. Do the test... To me, you sound like you have OSA (Obstructive Sleep Apnea).

Second... Get Dr to send you to local sleep clinic, for a trial. They'll get you to wear a wrist device, that takes measurements as you sleep... Do the rest of the scheme.

Thirdly... Join a singing club... Yes, singing. It's said to be really good for OSA.

Fourthly... TRY to loose some weight. I know it ain't easy, and I fluctuate a lot, so I know it's hard. My weakness is my health, along with acute OSA, I have disabilities and can't exercise, plus on shit loads (I mean shit loads, 9 for supper, 8 for breakfast, and another 4 at least during the day) and every single one of them has weight gain, as a side effect 😭, why can't they make you lose weight instead‽ Reducing neck size is so important in OSA, as well as lowering weight generally.

Obvs if like me, you have complex medical reasons for being over weight, then spk to Dr.

2016/2017 I lost 18kg, but last year put 9kg back on... To be fair, I did have 4 lots of steroids GGGRRR. So hard work again to lose this gain would be good. I've maintained Jean size tho, which is good. Got to find out what's causing my pitting odemas tho (this adds to extra weight) .. Dr is confused too.

If you love your DH, surely you'd try???

Totally agree with @Frequency

*
that's shit loads of pills n medication. Just in case ya wondered.

Have you had your snoring investigated?
My husband's biggest regret is not listening to me sooner. He got diagnosed with sleep apnea so bad they woke him during his sleep study to start intervention.
It changed both our lives.
Get this medically investigated.

For those that wake you dp, I hope you do so gently?

My ex would shove me really hard and I'd wake with a startle, and my heart pounding. During one of my sleep trials, she did this, and the heartbeat skipped of the scale.

Sleep apnea is not please try for the person who has it, as much as it's nasty for the person listening.... This is what happens.

You STOP BREATHING. It's that serious. The loud snort, is your body waking itself to get you breathing again. I have 300+ episodes a night like that.

My fiancée says its like sleeping g with 290 drunk bears. My neighbors have heard me snore before now! Oops 😁

Seriously though, do not jolt awake the person snoring, one day they'll have a heart attack.... It's the equivalent to letting off a banger next to someone not expecting it, it's that much of a shock to the system.

If you can cope with DH not getting up for the baby, buy him some decent earplugs. Do get really bad snoring checked out to make sure its nothing more sinister though.

It's saved marriages of people I know! :D

My sympathies lie with your DP. Everyone deserves sleep.

You are the snorer, it's your problem. Do something about it.

I have slept next to a snorer for 16 years and I can honestly understand how people are driven to violent acts.

mac
I tried gently waking my DH.
Gentle tapping,calling his name,talking to him.
Nothing
I would have to give him an all mighty shove just to get him onto his side,he would still be asleep
Night after night of this,several times a night.

Seriously though, do not jolt awake the person snoring, one day they'll have a heart attack....It's the equivalent to letting off a banger next to someone not expecting it, it's that much of a shock to the system.

By the same token, surely a loud alarm has a similar effect?

This is me. I didn’t realise how bad my husbands snoring was until we had our DD and I couldn’t wear ear plugs (as needed to hear her) we’ve been in separate rooms for well over a year now and are both so much happier for it. We went away last week and with one bedroom it was hell. I can not sleep when he’s snoring and it drives me insane - he ended up on the sofa for 3 nights!

@dontdoitdoris

I fully understand, but every night we are borderline to have a heart attack due to not breathing, and we do it have every night multiple times a night, when we or any person is jerked awake, it is a huge shock to the system... Just like when that bloody alarm clock goes off! Or your DC jumps on the bed early in the morning... That's what we go through when jerked awake. Imagine that every time you do it to your dh/dp

@cherrysoup

An alarm clock is ONCE, not multiple times a night every night!

As a long term SUFFERER of OSA, I do NOT get a good night's sleep, ever and haven't for well over 20years. Most recently, that's been down to pain, but what sleep I do get is poor quality sleep.

I bet everyone who sleeps with an OSA partner, thinks to themselves... It's alright for you, you slept all night. We don't, oh god do we not sleep well.

Imagine this, while awake I want you to do this test... Then come back and tell me, if it's made you quite uncomfortable, having a headache, and feel quite tired.

Every 5 minutes for the next half an hour, I want you to hold your breath until you feel FORCED to breath again.

Do it, I dare you.

Then come back and tell me how you feel.

Sorry OP. This is a rubbish situation. Is there any way you can comfortably sleep separately at the minute?

I snore really badly. I thought it was my weight so was gutted when it didn't help when I lost four stone. In the end I went to my GP and they sent me to the ENT at the hospital who examined me and told me I had flappy throat and a misaligned jaw and these were what we're making it so bad. And I'd just have to learn to live with it. He did say singing daily might reduce it though, maybe you could try that?

I don't get why you haven't moved rooms?

My ex used to snore and so did I. I wanted separate rooms but he refused. Not only That but I wanted a duvet and he wanted sheets and blankets. Also I wanted lots of heavy coverage on the bed, he just wanted light sheet and blanket. Just another reason why he’s my ex.

I strongly recommend separate rooms.

mac
I dont do that as I have my own room.

Perhaps if you are borderline for having a heart attack you should seek alternative treatment

Sleep apnoea has now been proven to have nothing to do with weight. My husband, his brother and my sister in law all have it and it was at my brother in laws last appt that they discussed the new findings. I’d get yourself to the doctor and get a referral to the sleep disorder clinic as soon as possible it’s a life changer for both of you.

@Helentad really???? So they've just done some new research that has completely overridden decades of evidence based thoracic and ENT research that strongly correlates obesity and OSA? As a health care professional I'd love to read this research if you can provide more details, or even better: a link to the study that I assume is going to necessitate a change to current guidelines?

Helentad If OSA isn't caused by being overweight someone should let the NHS know - www.nhs.uk/conditions/obstructive-sleep-apnoea/

@PCohle and all the other authorities on the subject Granted some people with osa are not overweight but most are and being overweight increases your likelihood of having osa by grossly significant amounts. But the meta analyses and Cochrane reviews are obviously wrong and outdated now

If you had taken the time to google new reasearch on sleep apnea you would have found at least 4 medical research pages including one from Harvard medical school showing the information I’ve said. Next time do your research before you jump down somebody’s throat!!!
It was a specialist at the Liverpool Aintree hospital that has been seeing my brother in law for nearly 10 years (who has many years experience as a senior doctor). He was originally seen in a different hospital before being referred to Liverpool, they said about his weight etc but Liverpool said even back then that it’s more to do with the shape of your jaw and the throat than your weight. My husband who isn’t overweight but still has sleep apnea is having a mould of his mouth done as this is the new thinking about putting the jaw and throat back into the correct position to help the flow of air.

C0untDucku1a

"She has been told it will improve with losing weight. Yes it is easy. You control your eating. You have a reason to do it and there is endless support out there for you."

No, it's not easy because poor sleep makes it harder to lose weight! Her DH is actually making it harder for her to help herself. If he cares about her health I don't think it's unreasonable for him to try earplugs.