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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should be allowed to sleep!!

217 replies

Whycantistaymotivated · 24/02/2019 00:02

In short. I snore, I can sometimes wake myself up. DP can't sleep if I'm asleep first. I can fall asleep very quickly, I've had broke sleep since DD was born and suffered from pregnancy insomnia so it's safe to say I can fall asleep easy as I am that f@#king tired.

I am now as usual waiting for DP to fall asleep. He normally comes to bed between 12-1am I try to get to bed by 10:30 so I can get a couple of hours before he wakes me up so he can come to bed. Tonight he has come to bed early coz he has a headache so I've not actually had any sleep yet.

TV is on to keep me up until he falls asleep

This is our main arguing topic. We've been together 6 years. If we argue it's about my snoring.

Sorry for the midnight rant but AIBU to just want to sleep!

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 24/02/2019 00:37

Just go to bed. If he can't sleep then he can go on the sofa, like I do when my DP snores.

You need to go back to your GP and see if you can do anything about your snoring. It is horrendous trying to sleep with a snorer.

HirplesWithHaggis · 24/02/2019 00:39

I actually find the sound of my dh snoring reassuring, but he snores very gently, not in masssive snorts. I may be odd.

RollerJed · 24/02/2019 00:42

Well I nudge dh every time he snores, it's a friggen sound I hate. But after doing it consistently back in the early days dh hardly ever snores now 🤷‍♀️

But when he does, I nudge him and give him a loud shhhh.

RagingWhoreBag · 24/02/2019 00:46

I actually find the sound of my dh snoring reassuring, but he snores very gently, not in masssive snorts. I may be odd.. I must admit, it my DP isn’t snoring, I panic that he’s dead, but reassuring... nah! It’s the most awful noise in the world, especially when you can sleep yourself.

CalmdownJanet · 24/02/2019 00:46

Dh is snoring like a train tonight, its driving me insane, I can hear him all over the house, I actually said out loud a while ago "I wish you would fucking die" Blush and so now I have snoring and guilt to keep me awake. Snoring is actually a form of torture though

RagingWhoreBag · 24/02/2019 00:46

When you can’t sleep yourself! Must spell check.

2birds1stone · 24/02/2019 00:48

I am a horrendous snorer and it's down to my adenoids and the fact one of my nasal tubes that goes from my nose to my ear is slightly bent. As a consequence I always sounds like I have a cold and when I get a cold it's 100 times worse.

My dh comes to bed with me but I have to face away from him. If I don't he will turn me over and then he strokes my back to quieten me down so he can sleep.

He also snores a little, but when he is on his back he grinds his teeth (argh) also has night terrors which drive me mad (freaked me out the first few years we got together now I just tell him to shut up and sleep)

Your dh is being selfish by not coming to bed earlier for your sake but I think seperate rooms or even seperate beds might be an option?

Itwasntme101 · 24/02/2019 00:51

Try an anti-snoring pillow. I bought us 1 each not expecting them to work and neither of us have heard the other snoring since we got them.

Choccywoccyhooha · 24/02/2019 00:58

Your partner snoring is one of the most trying things to experience. The fact that you can't sleep because they are asleep exacerbates the situation and makes it very hard to act rationally. Many times I have been moved to rears of frustration and exhaustion because of my dh's snoring, so now I sleep elsewhere. We don't have a spare room, so I sleep on a foldout bed in my daughter's room. He slept in "our" bedroom. It's shit.
Please sort out your snoring, or sleep separately.

BejamNostalgia · 24/02/2019 01:10

Yep. You need to lose weight.

My DH had this problem when he was overweight and it stopped when he lost.

Unless you’re actively trying to lose the weight, I can understand him being pissed.

mumwon · 24/02/2019 01:11

if dh snores I gently push with my feet (accidently!) till he moves onto his side. This way doesn't fully awake but turns over & can disclaim that I deliberately pushed him. :)

CJsGoldfish · 24/02/2019 01:17

Sleeping with a snorer is utter hell. I was driven to tears of frustration more nights than I like to think about.
If I did not go to sleep first, it would be a bad night.

You need to address the snoring. If it means losing weight, that's what you do. Or move to another room.

Klopptimist · 24/02/2019 01:35

I've always had a big chest regardless of the size of the rest of me

It's not just the chest though. Neck and abdominal fat are both contributing factors too. You do need to lose weight, for the sake of your health, your marriage and most importantly of all, DD. Surely the thought of being able to play tickle chase with her and having a good giggle or being an active GM in 30 years time is far nicer than the fleeting joy that crisps/choc/whatever brings?

SeaToSki · 24/02/2019 01:40

Look at the Smart Nora. Its meant to be good

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 24/02/2019 01:49

Does he have to be up for work? Have you tried nasal dilators? If sounds like you are blaming him for something you could change. I know weight loss is hard and a difficult issue but it is possible. He can’t change any of this, he just wants a nights sleep. He doesn’t seem abusive or mean for this. If this was reversed and you were the man here everyone would be calling you selfish to be honest

HirplesWithHaggis · 24/02/2019 02:04

RagingWhorebag, yeah, I admit that I panic that he's dead. He had a series of massive strokes a couple of years back which have left him... remarkably undamaged, but he just turned 60...

He snored loudly in the past and I've done the nudge in the back thing etc, but it's gentle snoring now and I do actually find it reassuring. But I think I may be derailing a bit, sorry, OP. I do absolutely sympathise with you, but can't add anything more useful.

Topseyt · 24/02/2019 02:11

You need to try and address the snoring, I'm afraid. Life with a snorer can be very stressful as they are very often the only ones who actually get to sleep.

My MIL was a dreadful snorer, literally resounding throughout the whole house. I know that with her there were medical issues which contributed, but anyone in the same room as her stood no chance.

My MIL's trouble was partly that she was in denial about the snoring. One of her friends once shared a hotel room with her when they were away. When they came back things were very icy for a while because friend had had no sleep at all, had been unable to move to a separate room and had ended up giving MIL both barrels about her snoring.

At least you acknowledge your problem. Maybe press the GP again to try and get something more done. It really can be a relationship wrecker sometimes.

Quintella · 24/02/2019 02:15

Sleeping with a snoring partner is FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING FUCKING F-U-C-K-I-N-G TORTURE so he has my sympathies in that respect. It sounds likes you need to address this by losing weight or by finding a separate bedroom. He loses my sympathy however by not doing any night feeds and being too delicate a creature to wear ear plugs. Solutions await...

Absolutelylocaltoyou · 24/02/2019 02:17

Separate rooms works for us.

StoppinBy · 24/02/2019 02:41

I would suggest you sleep separately.

I had a partner who snored so badly I couldn't sleep, both of you need sleep, not just him or you.

WinterHeatWave · 24/02/2019 03:28

DH snores horrifficly.
I need to be asleep before him. Luckily I'm the morning person, so naturally I want to go to sleep earlier than him.
If I wake in the middle if the night, i have to nudge him until he rolls over. I rarely wake him.

Is a second room a possibility? Even if it's just for nights like tonight when the usual pattern doesn't work?? There is no way, btw, that I would tolerate being woken at 1am every night so DH could go to sleep. There is also no way I'd tolerate the TV being put on when I was waiting to sleep.

I'm firmly in the fence. No, YANBU to want to sleep. Some of his behaviours are unreasonable, but equally, he is NBU to want to sleep either!

pinkboa · 24/02/2019 03:49

He's fucking selfish.

Go to sleep OP. Let home figure out what to do. He won't compromise and you need your rest.

Birdie6 · 24/02/2019 04:03

My ex was like this - fell asleep in a minute, and snored ALL NIGHT. I'm not exaggerating when I say I came close to actually killing him on a few occasions.

See the doctor, get tested, and buy your husband the best ear plugs that you can afford. It's not fair to complain about him, when you are creating the problem to start with.

Purpleartichoke · 24/02/2019 04:12

There is no magic solution to stop snoring. There are techniques that work for some people while others try method after method. People snore. It’s just a fact of life.

That doesn’t change the fact that it is a burden on their partners, but it is never ok for him to wake you because you are snoring. Not once. Not ever. Frankly I think waking a person because you don’t like their snoring is abuse. People need sleep.

There are plenty of work arounds. White noise machines, ear plugs, separate bedrooms. You have to work together to find a solution, but that work needs to be done during the day.

BusterGonad · 24/02/2019 04:13

Sleeping with a snorer is hell, truly hell, you need to compromise, he needs to stop being a twat and wear ear plugs abs you need to buy some anti snoring devices and lose some weight. If neither of you are prepared to do any of this then you really haven't got a very good marriage to begin with.

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