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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think I should be allowed to sleep!!

217 replies

Whycantistaymotivated · 24/02/2019 00:02

In short. I snore, I can sometimes wake myself up. DP can't sleep if I'm asleep first. I can fall asleep very quickly, I've had broke sleep since DD was born and suffered from pregnancy insomnia so it's safe to say I can fall asleep easy as I am that f@#king tired.

I am now as usual waiting for DP to fall asleep. He normally comes to bed between 12-1am I try to get to bed by 10:30 so I can get a couple of hours before he wakes me up so he can come to bed. Tonight he has come to bed early coz he has a headache so I've not actually had any sleep yet.

TV is on to keep me up until he falls asleep

This is our main arguing topic. We've been together 6 years. If we argue it's about my snoring.

Sorry for the midnight rant but AIBU to just want to sleep!

OP posts:
ThanosSavedMe · 24/02/2019 07:21

I have sympathy with your dh I’m afraid. Although in my case, I’m the one who goes to bed earlier to get to sleep before he comes up and starts snoring. It really is a nightmare trying to get to sleep next to a snorer.

I think you need to look into what you can do or the causes more.

AlaskanOilBaron · 24/02/2019 07:29

That doesn’t change the fact that it is a burden on their partners, but it is never ok for him to wake you because you are snoring. Not once. Not ever. Frankly I think waking a person because you don’t like their snoring is abuse. People need sleep.

Hilarious!

My husband snores when he's been drinking, which leaves me seething in anger out of his lack of consideration.

There's also a psychological element to all this. Like your husband I'm fine if I fall asleep first (unless I wake to have to pee ini the night), but if my husband is in the bed, I start to worry in anticipation of not being able to get to sleep before him which of course keeps me awake.

You need to lose weight. He's probably rightfully angry that you haven't done what you can do resolve this issue.

AlaskanOilBaron · 24/02/2019 07:31

We now have separate bedrooms, but we still occasionally have to share one, like when we visit friends or whatever.

I dread it.

ittakes2 · 24/02/2019 07:38

My mum only snores when she sleeps on her back - she sewed a tennis ball into the back of what she wears to bed - she can't physically rollonto her back during sleep so she no longer snores. The tennis ball is large but because it is round she doesn't find it uncomfortable when she moves.

LoniceraJaponica · 24/02/2019 07:40

OH used to snore. In his case it wasn't his weight. He is as thin as a lat. He went on to develop severe sleep apnoea and a sleep study showed that he was stopping breathing several times a minute. He had a silent stroke. No-one knows whether the apnoea caused the stroke or was as a result of the stroke. Medical experts are baffled as to why he has this. He now has a CPAP machine, and night times are bliss again.

At the sleep clinic OH is the only patient who is not overweight.

It is your responsibility to sort your snoring out. Losing weight isn't an easy option, but for most people it makes a massive difference. It is also better than the faff of putting a mask on your face every night, especially if you are still getting up regularly for childcare.

ittakes2 · 24/02/2019 07:41

Also - can I just add - the concept of you sleeping a few hours and then him waking you up is not a good one. If you don't get into a deep sleep pattern which takes hours you won't be getting any restorative sleep. I used to have this sleep pattern and unfortunately started to develop fibromyalgia - specialist told me I wasn't sleeping for long enough in a deep sleep and I have been able to reverse my symptoms with better quality sleep.

nannytothequeen · 24/02/2019 07:48

Sleeping with a partner who bitches s d complains about your snoring is also utter hell. No, I'm not doing it on purpose. Yes. , I have used every spray and device on the market. Yes, I have been to an ENT specialist who said the issue is with my tongue and that tongue surgery is not available for this as it is very dangerous. Yes I will sleep on the couch but then you Moab about intimacy. Yes. I stay awake until you fall asleep sometimes physically holding open my eyes. No I do not have sleep apnea No my snoring is not an excuse for you to call me names, nor kick and hit me. Nor is it a reason for a whiny self pitying story to tell yo the woman at work so she can nastily throw it back at me when she becomes the other woman. I lost weight alright. 85 kgs of complaining twat who turned bedtime into a battleground without any love or understanding. And now I sleep like a baby. Snorers rarely do it on purpose.

Butteredghost · 24/02/2019 07:49

Sleep apart OP. This sounds like hell. If you don't have another room, have a mattress in the lounge room or dc room.

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/02/2019 07:51

Dh is a terrible snorer. He also is within normal bmi range. We have separate mattresses on our bed, which he loves. But not enough to do anything about it so he gets to sleep in the spare room now. He was out of work for several months last year. Did he attempt to sort it? Nooooo

I agree with a pp the sleep deprivation gives you murderous thoughts. I am a light sleeper. I go to bed first. He has elephant feet and wakes me up when comingto bed. Separate rooms work.

Aridane · 24/02/2019 07:54

Poor DH

Aridane · 24/02/2019 07:55

Sharing a bed with a snorer is hell. Utter hell! It's selfish for them to expect their bed partner to put up with it.

What have you done to address the snoring?

Yep

Iggly · 24/02/2019 08:00

Snorers may not do it on purpose but if they don’t -fucking- get it sorted then they’re selfish arses.

MiniCooperLover · 24/02/2019 08:01

So he won't go to bed earlier (despite knowing you are tired) and won't wear earplugs .. he's not willing to do much to help himself is he. I'm a snorer so know how you feel but eventually if you've tried a lot of options that's just how it is. I know the non-snorers won't like that.

combatbarbie · 24/02/2019 08:04

DH used to snore and it was utterly soul destroying, I'd nudge him, push him til he went on his side, a few times I've kicked him through utter frustration. You say he's a deep sleeper but constantly wakes you when you are snoring, which is it?

Anyways I digress, I forced him to the docs too, fobbed off with nasal strips etc etc then we went on holiday to Morocco and whilst visiting a herbalist there was a anti snoring thing....it was essentially herbs (on smell I'd say it was black pepper) wrapped in muslin cloth. He would sniff it before bed....we bought it for a joke but it bloody worked, after a few weeks he didn't need it....I guess it just opened the airways.

Now he only snores if he's had a drink but I can cope with that!

Iggly · 24/02/2019 08:05

So he won't go to bed earlier

Why should he?? He probably massively resents having to change his routine for something which, in his eyes, could be fixed.

I’m projecting a little as my dh snores and didn’t take me seriously for years. I was being woken by him and the dcs. He would also complain about lack of sleep but couldn’t make the link to his snoring.

It was hell.

SnowdropsiUnderTrees · 24/02/2019 08:09

Sleep deprivation is awful. My DH snores and I nudge him to wake him up but we both end up tired.

Notmorewashing · 24/02/2019 08:11

Snoring is hell you need to lose weight and move to the spare room!!!

MiniCooperLover · 24/02/2019 08:14

He's going to bed an average of 3 hours after her. Going to bed at 12-1 means he's going to be tired anyway, so I feel he's projecting a lot onto her snoring. We got to bed at the same time and my DH wears earplugs (and still hears his alarm gone). I feel he should work with her too. Everyone has jumped on the OP for not trying enough, but the other person needs to try too.

PumpkinPie2016 · 24/02/2019 08:21

You need to go back to the GP and push for more help - tell them it is affecting your husband as well!

I have sympathy with your husband - my husband went through a period of really bad snoring (I unfortunately couldn't sleep through it) and it was awful. I knew it wasn't deliberate but it didn't make it any better!

It may not be sleep apnea - my DH doesn't have it, he ended up being prescribed a nasal spray to use twice a day and the difference has been amazing! Very rare he snores now!

Head back to the GP!

Iggly · 24/02/2019 08:22

Maybe he’s sitting there thinking what’s the point of going to bed early if he’s going to be disturbed anyway? Who knows.

But the op doesn’t sound like she can be bothered to fix it. It’s her problem!

Ghanagirl · 24/02/2019 08:22

The dude could look like George Clooney, cook like Gordon Ramsey, clean like Kim and Aggie and give me the best sex of my life if he snores, he's gone.
Really!!

Vulpine · 24/02/2019 08:28

Slightly off point but he's trying to get to sleep whilst you watch tv in the bedroom? Wouldn't be better to have no screens 8n the bedroom

SoyDora · 24/02/2019 08:29

People need sleep

Yes, including the OP’s partner.

Nomorepies · 24/02/2019 08:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

EvaHarknessRose · 24/02/2019 08:37

You definitely need seperate sleeping arrangements. This is unsustainable for both of you.

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