To think I should be allowed to sleep!!

[Whycantistaymotivated]

In short. I snore, I can sometimes wake myself up. DP can't sleep if I'm asleep first. I can fall asleep very quickly, I've had broke sleep since DD was born and suffered from pregnancy insomnia so it's safe to say I can fall asleep easy as I am that f@#king tired.

I am now as usual waiting for DP to fall asleep. He normally comes to bed between 12-1am I try to get to bed by 10:30 so I can get a couple of hours before he wakes me up so he can come to bed. Tonight he has come to bed early coz he has a headache so I've not actually had any sleep yet.

TV is on to keep me up until he falls asleep

This is our main arguing topic. We've been together 6 years. If we argue it's about my snoring.

Sorry for the midnight rant but AIBU to just want to sleep!

There is no magic solution to stop snoring. There are techniques that work for some people while others try method after method. People snore. It’s just a fact of life

But sometimes there is a magic solution. Snoring doesn't have to be a (miserable) fact of life.

A partner who snores is torture. Your doctor told you to loose weight and you seem really dismissive of the idea. If I was your partner I'd be really annoyed with you.

You should be trying really hard to stop or at least minimise the snoring.

That said, he should go to bed earlier. If he needs a head start then he should go to bed an hour before you do, not stay up until midnight and then wake you up.

I think he's being unreasonable waking you up every night when
A. He goes to bed much later than you
B. Won't consider ear plugs
C. He knows you are getting up in the night for dc

He's expecting you to make all the compromises without wanting to put himself out.

You can't be woken up by dc and him all night. It's not sustainable.

And I love all the just lose weight people. It's worth being tested for sleep apnea but it's not as if you've tried other options.

And it's not as if you've not tried other options.

Hang on, you snore and have done for the past 6 years. You know it’s because you’re overweight and you’ve done nothing about it for 6 years, You are angry with your partner because he doesn’t like your snoring.

FFS - lose some weight. See an ENT in case it’s your tonsils.

My dh snores, he now sleeps in the spare room. It sucks sleeping with him. Even in the spare room I can hear him and sleep with a noise purifier.
Why haven't you tried anything? Losing weight is one thing, but there are other things you can try too. Dh is going for a sleep trial now.

I should add Dh's snoring has gotten worse in the last year as he's gained weight. He's a thin man with a sizable gut and neck and that has made it far worse. He's now working out more and eating less.

Sharing a bed with a snorer is complete and utter hell. DH went through a period of awful snoring. The dr told him to lose weight, so he did. It’s loads better now.

I am in the uncomfortable spare room bed as we speak due to DH snoring.

Snoring is the most irritating thing in the world, but even worse than that is "I don't snore that bad, you're just a sensitive sleeper" 🤯🤬 I love him but he's a CF!

He needs to be more helpful at night with DC and you need to be trying EVERYTHING you can to be reducing the noise levels at night. I'm with you both on this one.

My husband and I sleep in separate beds due to his snoring. It's not wonderful for our marriage but I would have left him by now, because of sleep deprivation/insanity, if we did not do this. He is trying to lose weight too so maybe one day he can move back in. I cannot express how infuriating and damaging to ones health it is to be kept awake by an overweight person lying on their back snoring away, who does nothing to address the issue and then gets annoyed when THEY get woken up!!

Separate beds (even fold out bed in lounge) and do everything you can to stop snoring.

And by the way - I tried every brand of ear plugs available and I could still hear my husband snoring loud and clear !!! It's the snorers problem to resolve, not the other way round.

And the snorer should be in the spare bed / shittier bed !!!

That doesn’t change the fact that it is a burden on their partners, but it is never ok for him to wake you because you are snoring. Not once. Not ever. Frankly I think waking a person because you don’t like their snoring is abuse. People need sleep.

Hahahahaaaaaaaa !!!!!!!!!!!! You snore then ?

People need sleep yes - which is a big issue if they can't get any because their partner is snoring like a train

Agree with PPs, your posts imply you haven't done much to address the issue. Start making a proper effort to loose weight and meanwhile see a dentist for a properly fitted snoreguard.

I left my DP because of snoring.

Sort out your snoring!!!! It's torture for the person who doesn't snore.

Another one here stuck with a snorer. We've tried nasal strips, the things that go up your nose, mouth guard and a weird chin strap thing. None have worked, apart from an anti snore pillow for a few nights. That's stopped working now as he won't have the pillow flat like you're supposed to. I know the route of the problem is weight gain but I don't know whether he will do anything about it.

In the meantime, I put earphones in & listen to an audiobook to try to mute out the sound, earplugs don't seem to work for me, plus, I need to listen out for DC. It's debilitating 😔

I would suggest, read through the thread as if it is someone else’s op. Try to take the personal out of it & look at it a bit objectively.

Make a list of all the suggestions (including the lose weight one!) and all the ones that would pertain to him as well (like ear plugs, different rooms etc).

Someone up thread pointed out, this is a night time problem, but it needs to be sorted out during the day, ideally when you’re both in a reasonable temper. Try not to get stressed and angry about it, look at how you can sort it together which does mean both of you doing some leg work.

My other suggestion is singing for snorers. Or singing full stop. Strengthens your pharynx & soft palate. Or something.

I can understand where he is coming from, I have sleep apnoea and used to snore very loudly.
My then DH used to feel ill in the morning from lack of sleep and had to commute a long way to work. He's come home exhausted.
I have since had investigations for it and a gastric band and snore much less but we really should have slept apart in the week.

Luckily my DH doesn’t snore but my DParents do. We used to go on holiday and sleep in the same room as them and it was literally torture. I would always fall asleep before them but, if I woke in the night, I stood no chance. I still remember the absolute feeling of despair at not being able to sleep because of them. As there were two of them, it used to be worse. They used to alternate snoring so it was constant sound. If one stopped, the other would carry on and then they seemed to swap. I would be reduced to tears about it.

I think you’re both being selfish. He needs to go to bed earlier if he wants to be asleep before you but you need to be more proactive in getting it sorted.

OP I am with your OH.

Sleeping with a snorer is hell.

Sleep on the sofa or lose weight.

Sorry OP I'm with your dh on this. You need to lose weight. Yes it's hard but for your health and your dh's sanity it needs to be done. Sleeping with a snorer is awful.

My husband was never a snorer until he put on weight. It's hell trying to get to and staying asleep. Ive put on weight too and im now exerising it off. You could eat more salads and workout to a davina mcall dvd five times a week. I'm hoping all my salads will help slim my hubby down too!

**That doesn’t change the fact that it is a burden on their partners, but it is never ok for him to wake you because you are snoring. Not once. Not ever. Frankly I think waking a person because you don’t like their snoring is abuse. People need sleep

This is the biggest pile of bollocks I’ve ever heard. Trying to sleep with a heavy snorer is hellish. If I’ve been kept awake for hours on end, you can bet I’ll be trying to wake my husband to change position so I can get some sleep to avoid being totally sleep deprived.

I lost 4 hours sleep last night due to my overweight, snoring DP. He does nothing to try to loose weight and has occasional vague attempts at things like nose strips, sprays etc. Doesn’t really try. I have on many occasions been in tears over the snoring. As a pp said, it’s hell, utter hell. I have on more than one occasion wanted to kill him and spend more nights on the sofa than I can count.

Yes, he’s being a twat about bed time and should be going up at 10pm or something reasonable, he really needs to do that. It’s unfair on you to not come up till 1am. But it sounds like you have no idea what torture it is to try to get to sleep next to a snorer.

@Whycantistaymotivated

Waking yourself up snoring is very likely sleep apnoea - it's the pauses in breathing that often wake people not the loudness of the snoring. I would look up sleep apnea, the consequences are scary for your health.

Approach your GP again and be open to loosing weight. Having treatment for sleep apnea can help you loose weight as you will be getting better rest at night.

So YANBU you are allowed to sleep, but so is your DH !

I’d be really annoyed if I was your DH, you’ve been told by the GP to lose weight and you’ve dismissed it.