To think I should be allowed to sleep!!

[Whycantistaymotivated]

In short. I snore, I can sometimes wake myself up. DP can't sleep if I'm asleep first. I can fall asleep very quickly, I've had broke sleep since DD was born and suffered from pregnancy insomnia so it's safe to say I can fall asleep easy as I am that f@#king tired.

I am now as usual waiting for DP to fall asleep. He normally comes to bed between 12-1am I try to get to bed by 10:30 so I can get a couple of hours before he wakes me up so he can come to bed. Tonight he has come to bed early coz he has a headache so I've not actually had any sleep yet.

TV is on to keep me up until he falls asleep

This is our main arguing topic. We've been together 6 years. If we argue it's about my snoring.

Sorry for the midnight rant but AIBU to just want to sleep!

@nannytothequeen
You seem very angry

I have this problem the other way round.

I don’t think your DP is kind and they aren't helping find a solution.

He won't wear ear plugs as doesn't like putting anything in his ears
Ear plugs help massively and he is being a dick not to try as there are multiple types

Get him to sleep separately

It seems like a bit of mixed messages here. You say he sleeps so soundly that he wouldn't hear his child wake up and in fact is so 'asleep' that he doesn't know what he's done in the night - yet he can hear and be woken by your snoring... which is it?

You HAVE to sort your weight and sort your snoring OP - end of. If you do that and he then continues coming to bed late, then you have a problem which would be entirely his fault.

Sorry OP but I have absolutely no sympathy for you, snoring is the absolute worst.

My exP snores like a pig, I'd have to do all the dealings with the children through the night and get no sleep because it was like laying next to a steam train. He was told to lose weight yet couldn't be arsed, same as you. It was absolute hell.

You need to sort it out for your poor DH I'm afraid, you are beyond selfish.

And I've actually called off early relationships with people once I've heard them snore, I can't stand it.

Sounds like torture for both of you. Seperate rooms seem the only solution in your case, and it might save your marriage. Then you can both decide, he can decide to try ear plugs, you can decide to try to lose weight. You're both grown ups, you can both be a part of the solution.
Lack of sleep will damage your health (for both of you) And incidentally, broken sleep will make it harder to lose weight.
I have had ex partners who snored, I didn't feel like killing them, I just moved to another room (or the couch) and everyone got sleep.

Ear plugs don’t help me. I can still hear the snoring.

Was told to lose weight - coz that's easy! 😡

Have you tried?

I'm the wife of a guy who snored for years and it was a fucking nightmare. The only plus side was once we had kids, the lack of sleep during the first few months didn't bother me at all because I'd already been dealing with it for years.

I think a snorer who refuses to do anything about it is an incredibly selfish person. My dh only addressed his snoring when about 7 years in I snapped and said I would leave unless he did something about it - I meant it too. There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture!!

Prior to that I made damn sure that it was his problem not mine - so I always had to fall asleep first and if one of us slept on the sofa then it was him. So maybe yes your dp was being unreasonable on the face of it, I can completely see why and I can guarantee I'd have done worse over the years.

And as for the posters saying he should be going to bed earlier, yes I agree but occasionally it's nice to stay up and watch something on your own on tv. I got sick of going to bed at 10 every night and never being able to stay up and watch something of my choice on the telly.

Seriously?

You have to wake up if he comes to bed later than you
You can't sleep until he is asleep

Tell him to get himself some ear plugs and to grow up!! If my dh is snoring so I cannot sleep, I put earphones in and listen to music. No one should be going without sleep for the other.

I don’t see on what planet he is BU? It’s absolute torture sleeping with a snorer. Ear plugs wouldn’t help me at all, they don’t drown sound out completely. If dp was a snorer we wouldn’t be sleeping in the same bed.

Constantly being kept awake by snoring is absolute hell on earth. My DH snores and it's so, so annoying - and earplugs don't help as I can still hear him!

No one should be going without sleep for the other

Why does this only apply to one and not the other? So op being woken up is unreasonable but op keeping her DH up all night with snoring is not?

Im not sure saying her dh should wear earnplugs when he doesnt want to is the solution. The op needs to deal with her snoring, not expect her dh to find solutions to findnit more tolerable.

She has been told it will improve with losing weight. Yes it is easy. You control your eating. You have a reason to do it and there is endless support out there for you.

Buy a portion plate off amazon, and do not snack. Go out for a 40 minute brisk walk every evening. Both of you. This will also help you sleep.

Snoring is the worst. It would be a total relationship deal breaker for me unless we had very separate bedrooms.

I’d rather sleep on the floor of the living room than be kept awake by snoring.

That aside, your DH doesn’t sound great re not doing any night wakings etc

Fundamentally how has your relationship worked prior to children? How did you both manage sleep?

TBH I’d invest in a really good sofa bed and he can sleep downstairs since you’re upstairs doing the night wakings. Or you can sleep
Downstairs and he can step up and do some daddy time.

Do you have enough space to sleep separately? I sympathise with you being woken up, but trying to sleep next to a snorer is awful. Nothing else makes me quite as murderous. I go to bed before my DP but he still sometimes wakes me up in the night and I have to poke him to roll onto his side. I travel a lot for work, which he doesn’t really like, but the sleep I get alone in a quiet hotel room is bliss.

Me and my H (he isn’t very DH at the moment!) haven’t spoken since friday after a middle of the night row about his snoring. I usually go to bed before him but DD is going through a period of night waking, so friday was hell on earth, between her waking, him snoring and no amount of nudging would make him move. Then he ended up keeping DD awake and I snapped, he snapped. Same last night.

I woke at 5.30 friday morning and i’ve had 7 broken hours sleep since. I feel like absolute rubbish. Living with a snorer is absolute torture, especially when we both work full time.
He has two childfree days off this week and I won’t get chance to catch up on sleep for 3 weeks.

For your husbands sake OP, I would say you do need to be a bit more considerate and take steps to resolve your snoring.

Sorry, I do agree that snoring is just horrendous torture. It's even worse when you tell the person how badly it affects you and they don't make an effort to try anything to help.

You need to investigate every possibility of curing or at least easing the snoring, and you need to sleep separately in the meantime so you can both sleep.

Honestly, the noise has made me actually angry before, white hot anger at the noise. It is worse than nails on a blackboard.

I agree with @Shazafied and others - the onus to find a solution is definitely on the snorer, not the person being woken up constantly!

My DH always snored and I was always a light sleeper, but rolling him onto his side always shut him up so I'd only be woken up 3-4 times per night.

As we've got older though, he's started snoring loudly in every conceivable position and I've become a ridiculously light sleeper. We've tried most solutions but he's refused to see a doctor because 'it's not that bad' (and he's a man).

So he's now sleeping permanently in the spare room because he's the one causing the problem and refusing to find a medical solution. We both sleep much better now, he sneaks in early in the morning for cuddles (if it's before 6am he still might lose an appendage) and when we move it'll be to a house where we both have our own rooms.

Win-win!

You should go back to GP and get a referral to a sleep clinic in case you have sleep apnea. That can be a pretty dangerous condition if left undiagnosed.

If he needs to be asleep before you then he needs to go to bed earlier.
The solution is in his hands.

Although it would be worth seeing if your snoring is due to an underlying problem. But do it for your sake not just his.

Snorers rarely do it on purpose, but the OP hasn't even bothered losing weight. If someone who snores has genuinely tried everything and is still snoring, that's rather different.

Its not al down to th snorer to fix - its a shared problem - if what it takes is going to sleep first then if you really are tired and sleep deprived - you take it

Same if you are able to focus on wieght loss - great do it. But realise between losing serval stone and going to be early - which is the easier? Weight loss is not about the size of your chest for snoring - its about the layers of fat inside your ENT cavities and particualrly the throat - the snore is vibrating body parts in this area.

DH snores - overweight smoker - he snores less using tobacco rather than cigarettes, on his side rather than back and also using the herbal snore sprays available from boots - usually about 15 quid a bottle but often on 3 for 2 which is about 6 months worth.

I have gradually adjusted to noises and vibrations from snoring but he has reduced the level as well.

I don't find earplugs work for me as it is about the vibrations as well as noise.

Even sep bedroomss wouldn't really help given the volume etc

Snoring makes me glad I'm single. Snoring is one of the major reasons I ended my last relationship. He tried the nose strips, throat sprays, mouth guards etc. He was referred to ent. Told to lose weight (bmi 30) and he couldn't be arsed basically. He was waking me up, my kids up, I'd be on the sofa wearing earplugs and I found still hear him. People at campsites we're kept awake by him. It was horrendous. I grew so resentful and he made me feel bad for sleeping on the sofa like I should just be able to sleep through it. Ear plugs made my ears hurt. Some snorers are just bloody selfish.
How overweight are you?