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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I too demanding

187 replies

Cozynightin · 20/02/2019 20:30

Boyf of six months . We meet once/ twice a week . We live near eachother . I would like more but he wants to take things slow . He is going away for the weekend on Friday . We met last night, Tuesday. I will not see him until next Tuesday as he said he won’t be recovered until then . Is this good enough or am I too demanding ? We are in our early thirties . He is home alone tonight and tomorrow night relaxing and will do the same
Next Sunday and Monday . Should I be concerned that he isn’t really into me ?

OP posts:
Michaelbaubles · 20/02/2019 20:32

Not too demanding, if that’s what you want from a relationship, but too demanding for him. Maybe he’s not into you, maybe he’s not really wanting a relationship at all but likes having you around, maybe he really does want to take things slowly...hard to tell without knowing his other behaviour.

I’d think though 6 months in you’d be making an effort to see the most of each other you could.

Tennesseewhiskey · 20/02/2019 20:33

It's impossible say.

I am sure loads of people will say he isn't into you. But some people just like plenty of their own space.

However, if it's not working for you, it's not working you and you may want to think about not taking the relationship any further if you wants aren't aligned.

Jackyjill6 · 20/02/2019 20:33

I wouldn't say you are too demanding, but your expectations are different. He certainly likes his own space.

Karigan195 · 20/02/2019 20:34

Er I doubt he’s relaxing for both nights if he’s going away. At least one will be spent sorting overnight bags etc.....

Wearywithteens · 20/02/2019 20:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Michaelbaubles · 20/02/2019 20:35

I’ve never known a man spend more than I’ve minutes sorting out an overnight bag!

2birds1stone · 20/02/2019 20:36

This probably won't help but when I got to my 30s I knew I wanted a proper relationship. Met my now dh. After 6 months I had moved in. However he was in the same headspace that we had been in relationships and knew what we wanted.

If you want things to go faster, see him more etc and you speak to him about it and his response is the opposite then perhaps the relationship isn't for you

Tennesseewhiskey · 20/02/2019 20:38

Michaelbaubles wish that was true. My Dp is already planning on what to pack for our holiday in AUGUST!!!!!!!

He has started buy t-shirts and putting them in the case. Lots of conversations around wether I think this top or that top is good for abroad.

I am the one that will throw everything in last minute. Lol

Averysmallcasserole · 20/02/2019 20:39

I’d still hope to be mad about someone at 6 months and wanting to be together. I’d ditch him

TheSandman · 20/02/2019 20:42

Are you sure he's not married?

Original poster
Cozynightin · 20/02/2019 20:43

I would have liked to have met him tonight or tomorrow night or even when he got back on either the Sunday or Monday but he didn’t want to meet me as he would be too tired afterwards and before hand , he wanted to chill . We met last night for a few hours . He seems
Committed to us but on his terms . I’m frustrated

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozynightin · 20/02/2019 20:45

He’s not married . Our relationship has only really developed pace in the last month or two

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 20/02/2019 20:46

I would dump this one, op. Why waste more time on someone who will never change?

MsVestibule · 20/02/2019 21:04

It's not my idea of a good relationship. I like my own space too but would expect to see a boyfriend at least 3 or 4 times, including quite a bit of the weekend.

You say it's only picked up pace in the last couple of months - what was it like before?!!

Original poster
Cozynightin · 20/02/2019 21:08

When we started to see eachother, it was summer and he was away on holidays a lot . He had a full summer socially so we rarely met .. sometimes going weeks between meeting . We have only met each others families and friends in the last number of weeks .. over Christmas . I hardly saw him over Christmas save for a few evenings for a few hours while with his family and friends. Since then, we see eachother once you bet the weekend of he is free and then once or maybe twice per week . Its a really slow burn!

OP posts:
smartipants · 20/02/2019 21:51

Sounds like you want to be more of a priority to him, but he is clearly just fitting you in when he has nothing else on/can be bothered. That's all fine if you're happy with a casual relationship, but sounds like you want to move it forward. I'd be having an exploratory chat to discover if you are both anywhere near the same page!.

Nothinglefttochoose · 21/02/2019 00:53

He’s not that into you. Sorry.

BertrandRussell · 21/02/2019 00:57

What I say to my dd is that any man worth being with should be desperate to see you and spend time with you. At least for the first couple of years!

Justagirlwholovesaboy · 21/02/2019 01:00

Sorry it sounds like you like him more than he likes you, you deserve better :(

SleepingStandingUp · 21/02/2019 01:11

My friend sees her partner weekends only, so Sat to Sun and they're getting engaged and buying a house. It just works for them, they're both busy in the week, but it's been enough over theast 18 months to decide they want to get married. So it can be perfectly fine.

HOWEVER a relationship is meant to make you both happy. You aren't happy. Therefore you need to talk to him and discuss how you feel.

NunoGoncalves · 21/02/2019 01:25

Er I doubt he’s relaxing for both nights if he’s going away. At least one will be spent sorting overnight bags etc.....

hahaha! Sorry, I'm with Michaelbauble on this one. Who spends an entire night packing a bag for a weekend away?? It would take me about 15 minutes!

OP, it's really dependent on the individual. I personally would, like you, want something more serious after 6 months in early 30s. It definitely seems like he wants a more relaxed relationship, and that's his prerogative! The two of you need to either compromise somehow, or move on to someone who wants the same things as you.

Butterymuffin · 21/02/2019 01:27

He really isn't stretching himself to see you, is he? I would back way off on this and treat him like a very casual relationship, which is most likely what he's thinking anyway.

ReanimatedSGB · 21/02/2019 01:35

You're keener than him. Whether he's not that fussed about you or just doesn't think that A Close Relationship is a big deal, he's not going to change, because he doesn't want to.

If this isn't what you want, move on. Otherwise, it's a matter of getting some hobbies and making sure that your life involves more than just hanging about waiting for Your Man to be free. (A mistake too many women make is thinking that having a relationship is all you need... life has so much more to offer.) But don't whine, cling, pester, lecture him about how he needs to 'grow up' or 'commitment' . He doesn't want to.

starshollow1 · 21/02/2019 04:14

Yanbu and not too demanding at all. If it's not there by 6 months then it never will be.

By 6 months me and DH had moved into a new flat together. I figured if it wasn't going to work I'd rather know sooner than later.

Sounds like he's either not that into you or he has another partner that fills his other days. You deserve to be someone's priority, not their backup plan. Sorry OP Thanks

Imperfectsusan · 21/02/2019 04:20

He's away for the weekend, as in not in town. He realises the weekend will be full on, and he'll be tired at the end of it. He wants Monday evening to rest and recover. Or he's an introvert and needs one evening people free.

Perfectly reasonable and rational request.