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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am I too demanding

187 replies

Cozynightin · 20/02/2019 20:30

Boyf of six months . We meet once/ twice a week . We live near eachother . I would like more but he wants to take things slow . He is going away for the weekend on Friday . We met last night, Tuesday. I will not see him until next Tuesday as he said he won’t be recovered until then . Is this good enough or am I too demanding ? We are in our early thirties . He is home alone tonight and tomorrow night relaxing and will do the same
Next Sunday and Monday . Should I be concerned that he isn’t really into me ?

OP posts:
ToeToToe · 21/02/2019 10:51

I'm afraid I think he's just not that into you.

I mean, it's fine if what you both want is a casual thing - but I remember when DH and I first got together, and we were desperate to spend as much time together as we could.

RiverTam · 21/02/2019 10:52

I don't think it means he's not into you, just that there's a mismatch with how much time you'd like to spend together. And if you would like more then you need to say so and if he's not on for that, then knock it on the head.

Juells · 21/02/2019 10:53

Sounds like it's fizzling out, and was never that full-on for him in the first place. I wouldn't waste any more time on him TBH.

RedFeltHeart · 21/02/2019 10:55

It sounds reasonable to me. I like a lot of time to myself. It isn't a reflection on how I might feel about someone, but once or twice a week sounds about right to me.

Otherwise, when you are you going to see your other friends? Do hobbies? Just chill/relax?

RedFeltHeart · 21/02/2019 10:59

He said any guy who’s really into a girl will be desperate to see her and will always make time. If they don’t then they’re really not that interested

If someone is 'desperate' to see me and will 'always make time', I wonder why they don't have more going on in their life and why they are do desperate for me to fill that gap for them.

NutElla5x · 21/02/2019 11:02

He is either not really into you or he just really really likes his own space op. Either way this relationship is never going to work,so I would just end it now if I were you .......you never know that might even make him buck up his ideas,don't finish things hoping for that though.

JacquesHammer · 21/02/2019 11:03

My point was, if this guy was really into the OP, he would WANT to see her if he hadn’t for a few days, especially after being away, as he would have missed her

And my point was you can’t know that.

He might be very into her, but also value and need time to himself.

As I said in my very first post, neither OP or the bloke are wrong but they may be wrong for each other.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 21/02/2019 11:05

His behaviour has clearly given you pause for thought. Perhaps you need to take a step back and reconsider the relationship. Maybe he has just been really busy and the next month will give you time to see how you feel about this . If you want a quicker answer, you could always try the brutally honest "It feels like I want to spend time with you, more than you want to spend time with me? Discuss." and you if you could do this in the form of dicussing how he feels and without any ultimatiums, you both might move forward with a clearer idea of what you both want from your friendship. But you'd have to be prepared for the fact that the answer may be the start of break up proceedings. I guess without asking, its all just speculation. Not an easy decision. I wish you all the best

AryaStarkWolf · 21/02/2019 11:05

Well he's either not that keen or he's not looking for the same thing you are (and tbf most people would like to spend more time than that with a relatively new partner)

pictish · 21/02/2019 11:05

I agree with Redfelt there.

It could be that he’s not feeling it....OR it could be just as it says, he wants to take it slow. You’re only six months in. I’ve always been a slow burner myself.
What does your instinct say?

Original poster
Cozynightin · 21/02/2019 11:07

But he will have had a full seven days to himself!! Out of which , he could possibly see me for any amount of time during and or all of four of those days and he chose not to !

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 21/02/2019 11:07

Oh and to answer your question, wanting to see your BF more than once or twice a week isn't demanding imo

Original poster
Cozynightin · 21/02/2019 11:07

If he wanted to he would, it’s that simple really isn’t it 😥

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 21/02/2019 11:08

But he will have had a full seven days to himself!!

Who is he going away with?

JacquesHammer · 21/02/2019 11:08

If he wanted to he would, it’s that simple really isn’t it

No. Why not stop making assumptions and ask him?

downcasteyes · 21/02/2019 11:09

There's no right or wrong answer to this. Or, to put it another way, neither of you is being unreasonable. You just have different ideas about the pace of this and the amount of time you want to spend together. Personally, that level of contact would not be enough for me, and I'd be looking for someone who was prepared to invest a bit more intensively in the relationship. But that doesn't make your guy wrong - just wrong for you.

Original poster
Cozynightin · 21/02/2019 11:10

Going away on a boys weekend from friday to Sunday . I don’t feel I can say anything as he is made himself clear about his need for space and rest

OP posts:
user1471426142 · 21/02/2019 11:10

It feels very slow to be honest. I’d be a bit sad that he didn’t feel like he could ‘chill’ with you 6 months in. That for me would be more of a warning sign than the number of days per week. I wouldn’t understand why you couldn’t go round and just watch tv and have a takeaway for example.

JacquesHammer · 21/02/2019 11:12

Going away on a boys weekend from friday to Sunday

But that’s not time to himself.

Are you maybe interpreting “I need time to myself” as “I want time away from you”?

RedFeltHeart · 21/02/2019 11:16

He might be very into her, but also value and need time to himself.

There's no way I'd want to see someone the day after a weekend a way or the night I got back. Tuesday sounds reasonable to me. I'd want time to 'recover'.

Some people don't need as much 'contact' as others for their social/emotional needs to be met.

If he wanted to he would, it’s that simple really isn’t it

Well, yes, it is. But the fact he doesn't want to isn't necessarily a reflection on how he feels about you.

I'm in a LDR. The last time I tried dating someone who lived closer to me, I was completely overwhelmed by how much time they wanted to spend with me (3 - 4 times a week). It was utterly exhausting and caused huge problems because the more he pressed to see me, the more I resisted and felt that I needed time to myself. I really liked him but it was just too much and I realised that there were things I could have been doing on that extra night or two but that weren't getting done - friends I hadn't seen; music I hadn't learnt to play; books I wasn't reading; life admin I hadn't got done...

I very much enjoy and value the time I spend with someone else but there has to be balance with the rest of your life. Now, I spend the whole weekend with the man I'm seeing every 3 weeks or so. It's perfect for both of us.

So it's not necessarily that this man isn't into you but he certainly isn't meeting your relationship needs any more than you seeing each other more often would meet his.

crimsonlake · 21/02/2019 11:18

I agree, he does not seem that in to you and you are not high on his list of priorities. Your post seems somewhat familiar? Personally I would not be hanging around for the dregs of a relationship he is offering you, you need to value yourself more.

RedFeltHeart · 21/02/2019 11:18

Are you maybe interpreting “I need time to myself” as “I want time away from you”?

I think a lot of people mistake the former for the latter.

pictish · 21/02/2019 11:26

Then I’d say he has laid the ground rules for your relationship...and seeing as they don’t suit you, you might have to think about whether it’s a goer or not.

amusedbush · 21/02/2019 11:27

If he wanted to he would, it’s that simple really isn’t it

Yes. It sounds to me like he's keeping you around for convenience/sex/until he finds something better. He is keeping his options open and he sounds quite cold.

Dump.

NameChangeNugget · 21/02/2019 11:33

In think you need to chill out. You obviously want different things. If I were single, I’d like his approach.

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