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Original poster

Am I too demanding

187 replies

Cozynightin · 20/02/2019 20:30

Boyf of six months . We meet once/ twice a week . We live near eachother . I would like more but he wants to take things slow . He is going away for the weekend on Friday . We met last night, Tuesday. I will not see him until next Tuesday as he said he won’t be recovered until then . Is this good enough or am I too demanding ? We are in our early thirties . He is home alone tonight and tomorrow night relaxing and will do the same
Next Sunday and Monday . Should I be concerned that he isn’t really into me ?

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 02/03/2019 17:19

I had rather hoped that I could just hang in there until he got more serious about me

The problem is you’re equating time spent with seriousness of feeling. If he’s a person who needs time alone, that doesn’t mean he’s saying you’re not good enough to spend time with, he’s saying quite literally “I need to be alone”.

It doesn’t mean he isn’t serious however I would say again despite neither of you being unreasonable, you’re clearly not compatible.

thebeesknees123 · 02/03/2019 17:21

Are u sure he isn't marrird?

BlimeyCalmDown · 02/03/2019 19:04

It doesn't sound like he is emotionally or physically available, chalk it up to experience a move on. We all deserve the person we are in a relationship with to be 'into us'.

SparkiePolastri · 02/03/2019 19:20

It's meant to be easy and mutually satisfying. Especially in the first months.

If it's all about suiting him, and meeting his needs, then it's not easy, and it's not satisfying for you. At all.

Move on.

Original poster
cozynightin · 04/03/2019 14:29

He’s definitely not married. In fact I think he is behaving immaturely . He basically spent the majority of the weekend with his parents . I know he hasn’t seen them in a couple of weeks and I know they are very close but he could have stayed with me any of the nights but yet we only spent a few hours hanging out . He doesn’t even seem interested in sex anymore!!! I was hurt that he brought his parents for company when he had to go to a different area a few hours away for a meeting. I could have gone and would have gone and even sat in the car reading or listening to music. Yet he didn’t invite me .he does not see anything wrong with this ! As a pp said before I was wrong to think his feelings would intensify with time . He would spend all day and night with his parents and family and his close friends... one of which is female, which for some reason hurts me terribly . But just not me . He tells me he is really into me and sees a serious future together and he is so convincing, he has convinced himself ...but the pace of this tells me that it could take ten years for him to be there , ready to move intogether, get married, have kids. He is so convincing . I really believe he is crazy about me but , at his pace .

OP posts:
BasinHaircut · 04/03/2019 18:50

cozy so you have still gone back for more?

You are mugging yourself off now love, you need to let it go.

Original poster
cozynightin · 04/03/2019 21:21

What does that mean ?

OP posts:
purplepears · 05/03/2019 05:57

Actions speak louder than words.
Think about it @cozynightin .
You are deserving of so much more. Your heart is hurting and that's not how you should feel.

Tobebythesea · 05/03/2019 06:22

I’m sorry but it sounds like you are not compatible. In my experience and with my close friends, things seem to develop a lot quicker in relationships when you get older.

From what you are describing it sounds like my relationships at 16! He sounds immature and you deserve different.

AlexaAmbidextra · 05/03/2019 08:30

I really believe he is crazy about me but , at his pace.

Well now you’re sounding delusional.

fia101 · 05/03/2019 08:34

Please read the book "he's just not that into you" and "it's called a break up cos it's broken" When I read them years ago it clarified things immediately.

Original poster
Cozynightin · 05/03/2019 09:51

Well he certainly wants to hang out with his parents more than me for sure! I cannot explain it other than to say that when we are together I have his full attention and he is so living and we have a wonderful time. It seems like he can seperateall different areas of his life and give 100% to each of them separately. He would be very surprised if I dumped him as when we are together, it’s wonderful. He fobs me off a bit though... when I asked to meet more or suggested an activity, he would say.. but I am so tired on Thursdays or I have to prepare for this weeding etc. He makes them seem like genuine reasons but I know deep down that they are excuses in that if he wanted to , he could but prioritises other simple things that aren’t as important , in my opinion. I think he wants it every way . I’m afraid to suggest too much as I can predict the answer but he is very loving and thoughtful and seems genuine when he is explaining to me why he can’t meet more etc.it seems to be a case of all words but little action. He is happy with the level of contact, but for how much longer? Do these men ever up their game?

OP posts:
BringMeTea · 05/03/2019 10:08

Throw this one back OP. You are on to a hiding to nothing. He's not 'the one'. Move on.

AnxiousAspie · 05/03/2019 10:40

Trust me; bin him. I ended it on Friday after 8 months of this and I am so relieved. At first I was very upset but after exchanging belongings yesterday and seeing him for who he really is, I feel so much better. I think I was mourning the loss of what could have been, rather than what it actually was. Like you, I was crazy about him and he said all the right things, but he would want space and to be left alone. He isn't worth me and this one isn't worth you.

Slippiepippie · 05/03/2019 11:00

Weird. When me and DP were together six months we were glued to eachother by that stage. Totally in love and with eachother everyday and night.

I would think he might have something to hide or hes not 100% interested?

andypudding · 05/03/2019 11:04

I had a boyfriend like this years ago op. He wasn't married, but it turned out he was certainly still dating other people. He was social, always doing something - other than spending time with me. I felt like I got the scraps. Then I found out he was dating numerous people and just a giant liar, and it all made sense.

Original poster
Cozynightin · 05/03/2019 11:09

Thanks for your messages . I know it sounds weird but for those of you who have been in a relationship like this, you’ll know how convincing and loving and kind these men are. When he is with me, I feel adores and from a pp I can see that it is not me he doesn’t want, it is his space that he wants more, i think . Maybe i am delusional but he really wants a future , but how would a future pan out if he needs so much space? It is like he is afraid of leaving his family and branching out on his own despite being completely independently financially from them. They are unusually close . Can it ever work or do you have to have the same needs for contact and for space ? How do men like this even come to a place where they want to live with you ?? I feel stuck between a man who prefers space to me and feeling cherished when we are together . It’s weird

OP posts:
andypudding · 05/03/2019 11:24

Well in my situation, he did go on and get married and have a baby. However he picked a job that takes him away months at a time so he's barely around. He once said to me that he could never spend time with someone 24/7, while in the same breath saying how he'd love to be married. I thought 'well how the fuck does that work?'
Married people generally do spend a lot of time together. He figured out a way!

Original poster
Cozynightin · 05/03/2019 11:26

Did he marry you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cozynightin · 05/03/2019 11:28

Sorry just reread your post . Thanks for response . Sometimes I wonder if he is into another woman but I don’t know where he’d get time for that ! He has a case of mentionitis at the moment about a colleague but she’s unavailable so I doubt it all things being equal

OP posts:
Ginseng1 · 05/03/2019 11:40

You are not compatible. Sounds like he puts everything & everyone before you & 6 months in this is a bad sign. And then he is putting on the act the couple times a week you are together? I'd say he seeing other people still but even if he isn't he just isn't that in to you.

Original poster
Cozynightin · 05/03/2019 12:08

Really don’t think he is seeing anyone . He isn’t a player and hardly is interested in sex With me not to mention another woman . Think he might be over invested in a friend if his though, sadly

OP posts:
Mitzimaybe · 05/03/2019 12:54

OP he has you at his beck and call. He can pick you up and put you down again when he gets tired of the ideal man act needs his space. If he really cared for you then there would be a compromise - e.g. he wants to see you one or two days a week, you want to see him 6 or 7 days a week, so you compromise on 4. But no, it's all about what HE wants. What you want is irrelevant to him. That shows you how little he actually, genuinely, cares about you.

I'm not sure you are totally seeing this yet.

purplepears · 05/03/2019 12:58

How old are you both? And are you the same nationality?

Original poster
Cozynightin · 05/03/2019 13:38

Early thirties. Me younger boys couple of years . Both same nationalities, both live very near eachother and both drive .he has been honest from the outset about his needs in a relationship but I felt that his interest in spending
Time with me would increase and it has, but it’s still remaining slow

OP posts:
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