AIBU to leave an 8 week old to cry?!

[DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS]

I've been rocking him in a swing chair on and off since 7pm. Not to mention the hellish day.

I only breed arsehole children that don't sleep. Though I love them very very much.

I've tried countless things.
White noise
Black out blinds
Routines (I paid £34 for one!)
Something that smells like me
Various swing chairs
Rocking chair
Patting
Shush and pat
Etc etc etc etc

Now he's ridiculously over tired and I'm ridiculously pissed off.
My first child was the same.

The ONLY way he sleeps is in the car.

It's not sustainable to do every nap and bed time in the car.

He's next to me screaming.

I'm not asking for suggestions.
Believe me, I've tried it.

You need more help, someone to take over each day so you can sleep. I know someone who had a baby who would only sleep when walked in a pram. Every morning he went to his aunt so mother could have 4-5 hours of sleep. Maybe your DH can take over the whole evening so you can sleep? Or sleep in someone elses house nearby if you can still hear the baby in your bedroom.

Although I'm not a fan of cry it out I do think that people exaggerate the effects. In the 70s a lot of parents couldn't hear their children at the other side of the house that well. Plus it was reomended (well to my mum at least) to wait a bit to see if the baby had just been crying during a dream instead if properly waking up. We haven't all turned into psychiatric murderous patients . I wouldn't recommend it in principle but it isn't that terrible either.

Breath in. Breath out. Do it and say it in your head at the hardest of times. No I wouldn't leave a baby to cry but I have learnt that a couple of minutes here and there while I get my shit together keeps me sane.

I too was going to suggest hunger. If you have an oversupply and he struggles to feed is there a chance he's limiting what he's having?

Have you Googled 5S's? - shhhing, sucking, swaddle, side and swing. If you do all of this together they sleep. Well they're supposed to sleep. Sadly I believe the unspoken ingredient in that equation is confidence. Babies need to believe that you mean it. I struggled with DD2 who was much like this and rarely slept. Everyone else could get her to sleep apart from me (even friends I rarely saw). I just didn't have any faith in myself and felt stressed the whole time. That's not to imply that it's your fault - it could well just be my experience.

There are some emotionally immature people on here aren’t there. People who seem to lack any empathy at all or the ability to read between the lines of a post. Just eye opening to read the first few pages and people rushing to tell the OP off. Astounding.

So pleased you received supportive posts in the end OP and I really hope your night was better! For solidarity I will say this: Yes! Babies can be complete arseholes! Yes! It is ok to feel furious and walk away to get yourself together (or hand baby over to someone else)! Yes! This too shall indeed pass. I promise. We can’t say when or what else will replace this but rest assured that one day life will be easier again

Slow hand clap for every PP who launched into criticism and deconstruction of every word a frazzled, emotional mother of a non-sleeping newborn typed. You were obviously all perfect mothers who could write a word perfect post while getting a your babies to sleep and never losing your temper. So great when women support women.

OP, hang in there. Try to grab a couple of minutes to walk away and take a breath. I used to get DH to take up the ridiculous cycle of techniques to get our DS to sleep while I took myself out of earshot for 5 minutes. Sending hugs x

Hugs, yes you can. Give yourself a five minute break. Put baby safely in the cot and close the door. Have a cup of tea then try again. Xxxxx

Someone mentioned tiger in the tree hold which really helped my twins when they were in this awful phase. They were diagnosed with CMPA much later and things improved massively when we cut out dairy. I agree with getting him checked for a TT by an IBCLC and asking the GP to try a different reflux medication.

Hang in there. There’s a good reason that loud noise and sleep deprivation is used to torture people. For me when my twins were crying it caused me physical pain, I couldn’t stand it while my husband was much more able to handle it.

Hope you are feeling better today, OP. Been there, done that, it was shit and it's totally ok not to love every single moment of parenthood. It doesn't mean you don't love the very bones of your child.

And, yup, I agree with previous posters that, if you feel like you can't cope, there's nothing wrong with putting your baby down in a safe place and taking a couple of minutes in the bathroom to cry and swear and splash water on your face. Plenty of my friends have more than one child and, realistically, there have been situations where they couldn't get to the baby the moment it started to cry. All those babies have grown up just fine, obviously.

Good luck today and hope this phase passes soon.

OP I hope your night improved.

Just for future reference- MN can be amazing but it can also be awful and make you feel like shite because there are some real twats. It was clear what you meant. Hearing your baby cry and not being able to stop it is utterly torturous. I really feel for you.

There’s some right arseholes on this thread!

Hope you managed some sleep OP

Oh definitely try tiger in the tree. But sitting cos it can murder your arms and back unless you support yourself. Sending support and hugs. X

What cheby said ^^^ about breastfeeding support. Partly I think if you sort the feeding (latch, positioning, possibly over-supply) he might at least sleep on the boob, and partly because someone at a breastfeeding group will hold the baby while you go to the loo and have a cup of tea - I help out at one and I do this a lot! Even just a few minutes without a baby screaming at you and with a sympathetic ear can help a lot.

OP when my dd (reflux and colic baby who wouldn't sleep ever, ever, ever) would scream and scream and scream relentlessly all evening I found an app called sound sleeper. It's a white noise app and it was basically the only thing that would make her sleep. (It had womb noises that she would calm down when she heard it) It's honestly the best money I've ever spent. I had PND because I was so tired I was hallucinating and I had no support. I remember posting on here and other forums basically wishing I wasn't here anymore and it was honestly the worst time of my life. It will get better, I promise.

Do give the app a go if you can.

Hang in there OP. Ignore the ‘perfect mothers’ talking nonsense.

Your mental health matters too and you have older children to be in a fit state for as well. I wouldn’t leave an 8 week old to cry for 3 hours straight in another room but they will be absolutely fine left for a short while whilst you have a drink/ Bath/ loud music on headphone/ scream/ decent meal. My DS used to get to an over-tired fussy point at that age from not sleeping and being over handled and used to scream his lungs out in the cot for 10-15 mins before falling into a deep sleep for a good few hours - was just how he settled. I never would have left him for longer then 30 mins like that but he was usually fast asleep long before that.

Sent DH out with baby for a pram walk today and get a proper nap in for you xxxx

I did let the baby cry but only while I posted the OP and he was next to me and I was patting his back.
I do follow my instincts, but that counts for toffee when the baby needs to get his voice heard.
Last night was not good. But it's been worse.
He's currently fast asleep on me as per the photo and I darent move an inch.

Thanks for the advice. I've tried various things to help breast feeding issues which are helping but we aren't fixed yet. I think he will cope with the flow better when he is older. I just can't believe I haven't established a method of actually getting him to sleep that doesn't involve the car!
It's a constant battle.

Not that it looks that way right now...

He looks so much older than 8 weeks inthe picture. Maybe it's the hair.
Thanks for the support I've been reading through the posts this morning.

She is not the one who needs support but her 8 WEEKS old baby

In order to support her 8 week old baby, this exhausted mother needs sleep herself. It appears most likely from your comments that you have no direct experience of her situation. If that’s so, it’s not helpful to profer your uninformed opinion.

Wow people saying suck it up can just fuck the fuck off!

Do none of you seriously remember how agonising it is to have a newborn? Let alone one that just cries when you're desperate for sleep! FFS you judgemental bastards.

OP you have my utmost sympathies, the newborn stage is hard enough without having a non-sleeper. It WILL get better, hang in there, try to hold on to your sanity! If it helps, your baby is CRAZY cute.

Aww, what a cute little boy! Don't worry, OP. At eight weeks, I didn't have a
reliable method (she also hated the pram and car!). Babies are constantly changing and what works one day might not work the next.

The best advice my midwife gave me was just walk away. Make them safe, leave them somewhere safe, cot, basket ect and take 5.
It's ok for them to cry, it's ok for you to cry and it's certainly ok to walk away and take a breather.

See, I tried walking away but I could still hear her and it just stressed me out further with a side-order of guilt on top!

I had to walk away from DS a few times, he cried from birth, the only baby crying on the ward, he is near 4 now and still a grumpy clingy lil man 😁
I have no advise. You have my sympathy as nothing I tried worked. I survived it is the main thing. Can anyone give you a break at least if he is crying you won't hear him.

Awh he is a beauty. It will get easier eventually. Good luck

*screaming contradiction

They're nocturnal in the early days, OP. Is it possible for you to use this time to get some sleep?