AIBU to leave an 8 week old to cry?!

[DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS]

I've been rocking him in a swing chair on and off since 7pm. Not to mention the hellish day.

I only breed arsehole children that don't sleep. Though I love them very very much.

I've tried countless things.
White noise
Black out blinds
Routines (I paid £34 for one!)
Something that smells like me
Various swing chairs
Rocking chair
Patting
Shush and pat
Etc etc etc etc

Now he's ridiculously over tired and I'm ridiculously pissed off.
My first child was the same.

The ONLY way he sleeps is in the car.

It's not sustainable to do every nap and bed time in the car.

He's next to me screaming.

I'm not asking for suggestions.
Believe me, I've tried it.

@DONTPICKTHEMILKSPOTS ah ok, I thought you meant patting/shushing in a cot, in a sleep-training style. I totally sympathise with how tough it is, but there is an element of just having to power through this age, unless there’s something medically wrong (worth going to your GP). Sounds like he prefers to be upright if he’s falling asleep in the car seat, so it may be silent reflux or similar. Is he formula or BF? Have you tried skin to skin? That can be hugely calming for them (and you!)

It's hard, I know it is, it's your own brand of hell, my youngest had colic, reflux and cmpa

Have you tried gripe water, infacol or the gp? Get to the doctors and ask if they can help

I completely feel your pain. You're mistake was posting in aibu. You're pissed off and tired. I would get baby checked out though.

Always did for my DD anyway. Still does. Or 'baby sensory' videos on YouTube. Dancing rainbows and the like on a black background- high contrast.

Suck it up. Feed him. Burp him. You keep going with what could be wrong until he stops. If he's overtired you need to break the cycle and get him to sleep. Put him on his front or his side or by his sodding feet if it makes him comfy. He's an 8wk old baby. You're coming across as harsh tbh OP.

My dc2 had a tongue tie that meant he wouldn't sleep anywhere but on someone, because it made him uncomfortable with the air bubbles in his tummy, which were really hard to bring up.

It wasn't spotted by hv or anyone but proper lactation expert. Best money I ever spent getting that sorted.

You seem to have reached the point where you are coming across as very aggressive and angry in your post and your responses.

Have you tried taking a step back and letting someone else take over to settle your little one? You could unintentionally be projecting your frustration which will not ameliorate the situation.

I agree with PP about reflux - my DD was often inconsolable in the early evening for several hours until we changed her milk and feeding/sleeping position.

Ah hell cross post

I've been there ok nothing but good thoughts and you will make it

Where in the country are you? Do you have homestart/flying start type programs where you can get respite? That's the only thing that stopped me driving my car into a fucking wall at 2am

Just sending you some as I think that’s what you need right now. I’m sure you’re doing a great job, be kind to yourself 💕 Sorry I have no advice on the baby front x

I remember the early weeks they are fucking hellish and I hated them so much. You've tried loads, I'm not going to suggest anything else.

If you are getting to a point where you just need a moment to yourself then put the baby down somewhere safe and go to another room for 2 or 3 minutes. You'll feel better, the baby will be fine for a short while. People who are telling you to suck it up have either forgotten or have been blessed with easier babies. Is there anyone else with you who can take over for a bit?

Have you tried a dummy? Sorry if you have said that but couldn't see it. I had the crier from hell who only slept half upright or in a swinging chair with a dummy.

It is really , really shit! She is a nice 19yr old now though.

Jesus, give the op a break! Do whatever you need to do. Sometimes I had to put my dc in a safe place eg cot, swing, whatever whilst I went to the garden and screamed / cry etc. Then you can come back in a little calmer. Just keep repeating that this moment shall pass. Good luck op! You have done this before you can do it again.

Google PURPLE crying. My poor sister was at her wits end and this helped a bit.

She also chose to change from normal formula milk to lactose free and my niece was so much better.

Sympathies OP

Hey!

Letting him grumble for a while isn't going to hurt anyone. Leave him in a cot or whatever bed situation he has and take yourself off for a cup of tea. He will be absolutely fine and it's just as important if not more important for mum to have a second to chill out.

You honestly sound like your doing an amazing job. Plenty of others would have given up. Give yourself a break.

If you need a break and a few minutes to get your head together then yes, put him in his cot where he's safe and secure and walk away. Go downstairs, get a drink, mutter "for fucks fucking sake" a few times, and have a minute.

There is no harm in this and if you're getting stressed to the point of upset it's sensible to walk away for a moment. YANBU to leave him to cry in that circumstance.

Once you've had a minute, go back and try again to settle him.

I know it's shit when they just want to scream instead of sleeping

It sounds utterly awful and the “suck it up” comment is pretty shit. 6-8 weeks is the peak hideousness of crying time. I have no useful advice to offer just huge sympathy and I think your OP was fairly clear- you are doing a great job and it will eventually pass.

If your baby is fed, clean and burped but still crying, there is nothing wrong with taking a breather to make yourself a cuppa with earphones in or do a chore you can’t do with kiddo strapped to your chest. Jesus Christ, no one else in the house would eat and his bottles would never be made up if DS3 had his way all the time. DS1 was the worst, poor colicky little bugger. Thank fuck I had no other kids to tend to when he was tiny, sometimes I would cry as well because his screams would get to me so bad.

If he's exhausting himself crying he's probably hungry. Very hungry. Feed him more. If your milk is not enough you need to supplement. Boob is not enough for some babies but the boob brigade wont let people hear different than tit is tops.

I've been where you are. twice.

8 weeks is the worst. No one tells you babies are fecking evil sleep stealing life stealing open drains of evil. But then they get better.

If you have ruled out anything medical then sadly it is just just a case of riding it out and consoling yourself that at least you can tell everyone at their 21st birthday that they were a horrible baby.

Always rule out hunger before anything else at this age. Part of the reason for the evilness is that they need feeding more than seems possible.

You poor thing do you have anyone there that can jiggle baby for an hour so you can sleep/ bath/ hide?

He's falling asleep now while I pat his back.
But that's fucked as well because the second I stop he wakes.
So I'm an idiot but I just needed him to go to sleep

Fucking hell you would think three kids in id have cracked it?!

You're coming across as harsh tbh OP.

Oh, whereas "suck it up" isn't at all harsh....!?

Not really. Each baby is different as you know. You could have cracked it with DCs 1-17 and DC 18 could still bring you to your knees. Be kind to yourself.

Don't be so hard on yourself OP. You're doing great and you're a brilliant mum, if you weren't you wouldn't care and you clearly care. Can anyone take over the back patting?