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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New to the village, who is BU? Me or Dh?

155 replies

Chardonnay73 · 15/02/2019 18:31

So, moved into very small village this week, ( think one main street and that’s it) we have about 4 immediate neighbours, behind, either side and opposite. No one has come over to introduce themselves in a week. Dh thinks it up to them to knock on our door and introduce themselves and welcome us to the village... I think the onus is on us to go to them and say hello.
What is the usual etiquette in this situation? We haven’t moved for decades and can’t honestly remember what happened in our last house!!

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 15/02/2019 18:32

Well if they haven't knocked on your door then clearly the expectation is for you to knock on theirs.

Aquamarine1029 · 15/02/2019 18:36

I would let any introductions and interactions happen naturally. Perhaps your neighbours aren't interested in getting to know you, so just showing up on their doorstep would not go over well. Lots of people like to maintain a healthy distance from their neighbours. I'm one of them.

Greensleeves · 15/02/2019 18:37

God, I wouldn't do either. But I'm a crabby old cow.

thefirst48 · 15/02/2019 18:38

I agree with aquamarine. Whenever new neighbours have moved onto my street I wait until we are both outside and then introduce myself.

PandaMa · 15/02/2019 18:40

I've only ever introduced myself to neighbours when bumping into them as I leave the house. I can only assume that means we're all happy keeping ourselves to ourselves... until the snow comes and we all shovel our pathways and complain to one another about weather.

MrsBartlettforthewin · 15/02/2019 18:40

I'd wait until you see them in the street and then say hi. I would have hated it if my neighbours came knocking when I moved in/ they moved in. Mich prefer it to happen naturally.

Knitwit101 · 15/02/2019 18:41

I knocked on our new neighbours' door the day they moved in. Just said hello, told them my name and went away. I've hardly seen them since though so maybe I did it wrong and they are avoiding me now.

abbey44 · 15/02/2019 18:41

Do you have a pub nearby? I live in a very small village and it's the heart of whatever goes on, and where people introduce themselves.

ChrisPrattsFace · 15/02/2019 18:41

I live in a hamlet of 10 houses. No one speaks to anyone, and no one has ever intoroduced themselves to each other.
Bumped into a neighbour once because her car got vandalised and I helped clean it up.
Same in the village close by...
if you’re seen in passing, maybe a hello.

Maybe we’re all hicks out here in the sticks. Who knows.

PrivacyPolicyYeahRight · 15/02/2019 18:41

We knocked on our neighbours doors when we bought our house. It was nice, it broke the ice and all has been well since. We certainly aren’t the over friendly type either, we say hello over the front garden fence and that’s it.

Whisky2014 · 15/02/2019 18:43

When we went to our village we went round the people opposite and to either side. It's started friendships with all of them and we all have each other round for dinners. Go round op!

BlueMerchant · 15/02/2019 18:43

I wouldn't go knocking and I wouldn't expect them to come knocking on mine either. I'd smile and make conversation when I saw them and introduce myself then. I think times have changed.

MRex · 15/02/2019 18:47

We know most of our neighbours. Some knocked, most we know from the street, others introduced elsewhere by other neighbours. It wouldn't hurt to knock, if they don't want to know you then they won't make effort either way and if they do then you've just made a friend. Who might talk to you for an hour every time you leave the house, but anyway.

VictoriaBun · 15/02/2019 18:50

Moved into a small close in a village . When we first viewed a neighbour introduced herself to us and said people keep mainly to themselves. We moved in and she saw we drive old cars and my dh does not wear a shirt and the at the weekend nor plays golf on a sunday, and then comes home to wash the car. She doesn't speak to us now !

Original poster
Chardonnay73 · 15/02/2019 18:50

I certainly don’t want to be in each other’s pockets, but don’t want to appear rude either...It would literally be a ‘hi, I’m Chardonnay, we’ve moved in next door, nice to meet you’ type of thing. The replies on here seem quite polarised though! 🤦‍♀️

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 15/02/2019 19:04

I moved to a hamlet last year. Here as anywhere else I've lived, I've let it happen naturally - a 'hi' as you happen to meet. Otherwise it feels a bit weird and full-on, I think.

If someone had recently moved house, I wouldn't go knock on their door because I'd assume they were in a bit of chaos and I know a lot of people would prefer not to feel pressured into saying 'won't you come in?' while the kettle is still in a box and the table is covered in packing tape.

(Btw, when I moved, my lovely vicar did come round, and while it was very thoughtful of him, I was mortified because the paper was literally peeling off the walls and there were layers of dirt on everything. I realise he must have understood it was left like that, but I still felt bad!)

WinterfellWench · 15/02/2019 19:07

Of COURSE YABU!

FFS you have only been there a bloody week! Hmm

We moved into a little village 7 years ago, and spent the first few weeks moving shit around (out of the garage into the house and attic etc,) and painting and carpeting and wallpapering and so on... The LAST thing we were thinking was 'oooh no fucker has come to talk to us yet!' Confused It was at LEAST a month before we talked to anyone. We were coming in from shopping at Morrisons, and a woman visiting the elderly couple across the road (turned out to be their daughter,) said 'hiya, you settling in OK?' with a big smile.....

Chill your boots. You moved in THIS WEEK.

As some posters have said, people will say hi and come talk to you when they are passing you in the street, when you are doing your gardening etc..........

UnderMajorDomoMinor · 15/02/2019 19:07

Yes the onus is on you. You can’t move somewhere, keep to yourselves and then claim it’s unfriendly

Taffeta · 15/02/2019 19:09

If not go with anything formal.

We live in a small village and know all our neighbours but we've been here 14 years and it's been organic rather than forced.

It's easier in warmer weather as people are outside more so you're more likely to bump into them.

PeterPiperPickedWrong · 15/02/2019 19:09

We moved in and our neighbour knocked, after a couple of weeks, to say hello and advise us they were having someone do some work on the boundary wall, just as a courtesy.

The other neighbours we said hello to when we have been out the same time and had the usual “settling in ok?” type of chat. I wouldn’t dream of knocking on people’s doors to introduce myself and if someone knocked on my door, just to say hello, I wouldn’t know what to do with them! Am I supposed to invite them in amongs the boxes? Chat on the doorstep?

Chottie · 15/02/2019 19:10

When my new neighbours moved in next door, I went and knocked with a card and a bottle of bubbly and said 'hi and welcome'. :)

Taffeta · 15/02/2019 19:10

If = I'd

Stuuupid autocorrect

Aridane · 15/02/2019 19:12

In such a small village, absolutely, yes I would briefly pop round, introduce myself and exit. Of course they may all be mumsnetters and never answer their doors Grin

Felicia4 · 15/02/2019 19:17

I moved into a small village similar to yours 2 years ago. Some villages are very cliquey and becoming "part" of the village takes time.
Some of my neighbours would have loved an introduction and a knock on the door. Some would have liked to set up an obstacle course and 3 hour exam for me to do to prove my eligibility to live in the village.
Whatever you choose to do, don't take any negative reactions to heart! Good luck!

Eliza9917 · 15/02/2019 19:17

I'd wait until you saw them in the street.

Knocking on my door wouldn't go well because I don't answer it unless I've had a text or phone call telling me who is on my doorstep.

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