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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New to the village, who is BU? Me or Dh?

155 replies

Chardonnay73 · 15/02/2019 18:31

So, moved into very small village this week, ( think one main street and that’s it) we have about 4 immediate neighbours, behind, either side and opposite. No one has come over to introduce themselves in a week. Dh thinks it up to them to knock on our door and introduce themselves and welcome us to the village... I think the onus is on us to go to them and say hello.
What is the usual etiquette in this situation? We haven’t moved for decades and can’t honestly remember what happened in our last house!!

OP posts:
PenguinPandas · 15/02/2019 19:47

We moved a village in July.

Several of the neighbours introduced themselves outside - there was a lot of window cleaning going on that week! One neighbour came round with tomatoes - we had just moved from London and DS was Shock at that and thought it a most suspicious activity. Around here everyone has new year's street parties at their houses and we got invited to three of those. We haven't been round unless we've got a reason to chat about something. A nice thing is to go round with cake or similar and introduce yourself or invite the neighbours over for drinks. We haven't been that nice yet Grin

wildbhoysmama · 15/02/2019 19:48

Thank God for that Normandy your street sounds lovely. You'd be welcome here too if you ever move!

user1474894224 · 15/02/2019 19:50

Just go round. We had people pop over to say hi....and we are in the South. I got a lovely pot plant too and lots of lovely cards with names and numbers. Maybe you could bake a batch of biscuits and take each neighbour round a small bag...it gives you a reason to knock.

Fossie · 15/02/2019 19:51

You are disadvantaged by the time of year. Even now the best time to chat with a neighbour is when we both happen to be outside at the same time. Gardening is helpful but taking out the bins is possible.

You could feign ignorance and ask for local knowledge of something. When are bins collected? What time might you see the postman? Is there a window cleaner you would recommend?

I think friendly people are happy to help and it takes the onus off concentrating on who you are and how well you want to get to know each other.

DaphneduM · 15/02/2019 19:51

Are your neighbours also behind locked gates? Are you in a high crime area?

Rezie · 15/02/2019 19:53

In my very limited experience I've noticed that villages are either super welcoming or they totally freeze you out and ignore you. I wouldn't go knocking on the door but would say hello if seeing outside.

JinglingHellsBells · 15/02/2019 19:53

I introduced myself to new neighbours, in a village, when they moved in.
One family is very anti social and wish I'd not bothered- well, he is, she's not so bad.
I think the onus is on the existing neighbours to welcome you. In some communities, you'd get a new home card through your door and a cake or scones on your doorstep to welcome you when you moved in.

TooMinty · 15/02/2019 19:55

I'd say neither is more right. But if you want to get to know everyone then why not invite them all round for a drink for an informal house warming? Go and knock on to invite them or pop an invite through their letterboxes.

PenguinPandas · 15/02/2019 19:55

We are in the south too and there's lots of very friendly people in our village.

JinglingHellsBells · 15/02/2019 19:56

Ah, if you have electronic gates how on earth can they pop over? It does sound very high security and if people actually want to stop people coming to their door.

I think a lot depends on who your neighbours are.

True 'village people' tend to be friendlier than townies, who move into a village, bring their townie or suburban ways and don't know country customs!

ProfYaffle · 15/02/2019 20:03

Attitude to 'incomers' can vary hugely. I live in a small town, used to have an allotment in a neighbouring tiny village. Was chatting to another plot holder and her Dad, he told a rambling anecdote which ended with "I don't know why they asked him, he's only been here since 1963!". The 'only local after 4 generations' attitude does exist!

BeerandBiscuits · 15/02/2019 20:05

When my new neighbours moved in next door, I went and knocked with a card and a bottle of bubbly and said 'hi and welcome'.
God I would hate this Shock. I'd be polite and suitably grateful, then go out of my way to avoid you in the future.
Am quite happy to just smile/wave/say hallo when putting bins out etc.

Original poster
Chardonnay73 · 15/02/2019 20:05

I didn’t put the gates in! If you want to come in you have to press a buzzer... again... personally I think it’s wanky but they came with the house which we adore.

OP posts:
Notwiththeseknees · 15/02/2019 20:06

I would pop round to new neighbours and say Hi! But then I'm friendly.

TooManyPaws · 15/02/2019 20:14

I moved into a Scottish farm cottage just over 10 years ago. The farm across the road and the one in between us and the village both came round with a card and a bottle of wine a few days later. We all know who stays in which house and where each cat or dog belongs around here. I wasn't so sure about the hen roosting in my dining room though and was very glad that dog walkers from the village shut my gates when the cows got out and looked like my garden was enticing...

BrizzleMint · 15/02/2019 20:17

I don't think it's the usual thing to knock on the door and introduce yourself to your neighbours, I wouldn't dream of it partly because it's a mile before the next house

sleepylittlebunnies · 15/02/2019 20:42

I have lived on a council estate for quite a few years now. The people we bought off were very friendly, left up a bottle of fizz and 2 champagne glasses as a house warming present. They introduced us to next door neighbours before we moved in. Once in the neighbourhood kids all knocked the door with a barrage of question; what are your names? Have you got kids? Have you got a dog or cat? etc. It was quite amusing. I popped over the road to speak to a neighbour whose son I grew up with. Otherwise as the weather got warmer we met our other close neighbours as we were out the front painting fences and washing the car etc.

Having DC1 and walking him out in his pram gave other neighbours an easy opportunity to speak. I know pretty much all our street to smile and say hi to, have a grumble about the weather etc. In the heavy snow last year we knocked on elderly neighbours doors and did bits of shopping, did school runs for a new neighbour who had just given birth, we all regularly take in parcels and a neighbour did a load of washing for me when our machine broke.

I wouldn’t say anybody lives in each other’s pockets but we all answer our doors and happy to lend a loo roll or post a letter, even give a lift to hospital etc. I really think being neighbourly is lovely. It’s just like when I grew up; mum would take stew round to elderly neighbours when it was bitter, next door watered the plants when you go on holiday, my dad would often help neighbours move heavy items or do a tip run for someone without a car. Just nice things that don’t put you out if you are neighbours rather than having to ask a friend or relative who might live miles away.

UnicornRainbowsRain · 15/02/2019 21:24

Around here you invite everyone round for drinks.

We do the "window cleaning" thing too when folk move in Grin Suddenly everyone is keen on weeding their front path waiting to get the lowdown. The kids are ridiculous and just go and stare at people whilst they unpack the vans (we have a lot of children in our street). We quite often encourage the bolshy ones to ask the new neighbours names Grin One house is rented so has more people in and out which is the source of interest mainly.

UnicornRainbowsRain · 15/02/2019 21:26

sleeplittlebunnies that could be my street but we aren't a council estate. It's lovely.

LilaJude · 15/02/2019 21:30

Interesting how much variation there is. Our street is really friendly so it’s nice to reach out when new people move in. Out old neighbours brought round food at Eid, and we always invite neighbours to parties etc. And we watch each other’s cats when we’re way etc. It never feels OTT but it’s just very friendly and polite.

Maybe it’s a Scottish thing Grin

Wakk · 15/02/2019 21:34

The last place we lived the neighbours knocked to say hello. It was awkward and we rarely spoke again.

Our new village is much better. We nod to each other in passing but that's it.

Live in the Deep South, obviously.

Racecardriver · 15/02/2019 21:36

Generally I wait until I bump into them. We have lived in our current place for half a year. Up until last week I wasn’t 100% sure I had neighbours.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 15/02/2019 21:37

I’m in the south in a village, v small village. We bought the house in 2002 and several years later people are starting to talk to us. They say, oh you live in xxx xxxxxx’s house. I’ve given up and say yes I live in his house.

We are friendly people, but the village is odd. We are newcomers. Maybe when we’ve been here 20 years people might speak to us more!

BearFoxBear · 15/02/2019 21:37

Jeez this thread is about 60% depressing. I can't imagine being so utterly insular as to dislike neighbours having the audacity to knock on my door with prior warning. That's really sad.

Go round op. We moved to a village a few months ago and have made friends with some lovely neighbours 40 years our senior because we introduced ourselves! We've been invited to parties, to the pub etc and it's been important for us.

BackforGood · 15/02/2019 22:01

I would pop round and say hello too - maybe have a simple question about bin collection day or something if they look at you in an odd way when you pop round.

That said, when we've had new neighbours, I've popped round on the day they move in (or as soon afterwards as I noticed), just to drop a card in, say hi, and say to give me a shout if they can't find the kettle / teabags / whatever, or if they need to know where the local takeaway is or what days to put the bins out etc.

When we moved here, we invited the NDNs in for a drink to say hello and meet them properly.
(We live on a busy road in a big City)