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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

New to the village, who is BU? Me or Dh?

155 replies

Chardonnay73 · 15/02/2019 18:31

So, moved into very small village this week, ( think one main street and that’s it) we have about 4 immediate neighbours, behind, either side and opposite. No one has come over to introduce themselves in a week. Dh thinks it up to them to knock on our door and introduce themselves and welcome us to the village... I think the onus is on us to go to them and say hello.
What is the usual etiquette in this situation? We haven’t moved for decades and can’t honestly remember what happened in our last house!!

OP posts:
cherrybakewellsareyum · 17/02/2019 08:07

We moved onto our small village home about 1.5 years ago and only know two lots of neighbours. The neighbours across from us were also new and invited everyone around for drinks... we were the only ones who went let alone reply! We won't be staying around here for long!

bubblegumunicorn · 17/02/2019 09:33

I did this once for a new neighbor he couldn’t close the door fast enough! (That was London though) I just get to know the neighbors over time now no one knocks and we don’t knock either! :)

Fowles94 · 17/02/2019 09:34

Firstly please can people fuck off with hamlet, it's not the 1400's. Secondly I'm a grumpy bastard so wouldn't want you knocking on my door, let it happen naturally.

NoKnickerElastic · 17/02/2019 10:28

My neighbour popped a card through the door and invited herself for a coffee. Was a bit surprised but went along with it. She's not spoken to me since (8 years) except for popping leaflets through the door to promote her business!

bullyingadvice2017 · 17/02/2019 10:51

I knocked on the neighbours elderly couples. Just to say hi I'm moving in next door with my two children. Just a quick apology as done/ doing quite a bit of work (it's a doer upper!)
I took them a cake each when I was knocking walls down as i know that would have been a pain for them.

bullyingadvice2017 · 17/02/2019 10:53

Good luck with the village thing also. Tried that once, awful, Be sure not to fart or it will be round there that you have shit yourself by tea time!

If you were born there of course you can be as obnoxious as you like and no one will bat a eyelid!

NunoGoncalves · 17/02/2019 11:04

Hamlet is still a used word. It just means a settlement smaller than a village.

namechangechanger · 17/02/2019 11:14

If any of my neighbours came knocking on my door for anything other than to tell me something important I wouldn't like it. I'm not very sociable at all though so maybe I'm the weird one.

bringincrazyback · 17/02/2019 11:39

I'm not sure people do knock on in this day and age, and going by my own experiences it varies a LOT according to what part of the country you're in. As a village-dweller (not in the area I originally come from), unfortunately I agree with those saying villages aren't always as friendly to newcomers as one might hope, or not until people get to know you anyway, so don't feel discouraged if they don't seem all that welcoming at first.

I'd wait and say hello to people when you see them out and about. The other problem with knocking on is that I think it's awkward to know what to do once the introductions are over, the other person might feel duty-bound to ask you in and it might not be a good time, etc. I might be putting some of my own feelings into this, though, as I'm an introvert with fair-to-moderate social anxiety and tend to feel quite dismayed when anyone turns up on the doorstep unbidden. Unless it's Amazon or the supermarket, of course. Grin

Crunched · 17/02/2019 14:10

I’m in a large village but live in the centre, around the village green. When someone new arrives, I pop a ‘Welcome to your new home’ card in the post box so they know our names. ( My teens always hope they may need babysitters but that has never happened)
I would never want to intrude by knocking.

kealey1977 · 17/02/2019 15:22

If I was you, I would do what ever your most comfortable with. As you can see from the responses, everyone is different and there is no right way to do this. I live in a small village and waiting till I bumped into people naturally but wouldn’t have minded people knocking to introduce themselves either.

Original poster
Chardonnay73 · 17/02/2019 19:33

So,deliberately walked up and down the main road today. Twice. And didn’t see a soul! So no opportunities to chat to anyone!

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 17/02/2019 19:40

So,deliberately walked up and down the main road today. Twice. And didn’t see a soul! So no opportunities to chat to anyone!

If only you knew where your neighbours live.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 17/02/2019 20:05

You might live in my village. I spent a year, everyday walking baby dc around for a nap. Didn’t see anyone...ever.

Original poster
Chardonnay73 · 17/02/2019 21:08

donquixotedelamancha
????!!
But thanks for your helpful comment 😒

OP posts:
ralfeesmum · 18/02/2019 10:31

Dive in, Chardonnay, and either knock and make a brief intro. or (my way, the cowards way!) bung a short and sweet note through their letterboxes with minimal details. The key is friendly but not over-familiar, it doesn't have to be your entire life history.

Then it's up to them. Yeah, moving and getting established IS a bit of a tightrope experience.

Good luck.

Notwiththeseknees · 18/02/2019 11:03

Grab a cup, toddle to nearest house, introduce yourself & ask if you can borrow a cup of sugar Wink.

Notwiththeseknees · 18/02/2019 11:05

Hamlet is still a used word. It just means a settlement smaller than a village.

I always understood it as any settlement/village without a church....

Dotty1970 · 18/02/2019 11:15

Your walking up and down to speak to them! ..... They're probably hiding behind their curtains slightly afraid 🤯

Original poster
Chardonnay73 · 18/02/2019 11:36

Perhaps it was the placard I had round my neck saying ‘hello I’m Chardonnay your new neighbour’ that is causing everyone to hide inside their houses?😂
It’s weird... in our previous house in a culver sac everyone was in and out all day. This is like Willy Wonkas Chocolate Factory... no one ever goes in, and no one ever goes out! I literally haven’t seen another person walk by or go out/come home for a week now!
Oh well,we wanted quiet and that’s what we’ve got!!

OP posts:
Upthroughthenight · 18/02/2019 11:37

Personally, when we have new neighbours in our village, I take a bottle of wine around and say welcome to the village. I don’t go inside or stay long but want to give people a quick welcome.

If I moved somewhere and nobody had been around after a couple of weeks, I would probably knock on their doors and introduce myself.

Last year when we had new neighbours move into our village they sent invitations out to every house inviting them to a bbq. There is about 50 houses in the village! Was actually a lovely way to meet them and some other people on the village we hadn’t chatted to before. Not saying that this is what you should do OP but everyone is different!

Original poster
Chardonnay73 · 20/02/2019 20:00

Progress!! Was out on the drive saying goodbye to my sister and next door neighbours were going for a walk so came over and introduced themselves! They seem lovely and normal 👍

OP posts:
Original poster
Chardonnay73 · 22/02/2019 17:46

More progress... not that anyone seems interested 😂 The lady from over the road is having a party tonight and has invited us over 👍

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 22/02/2019 18:12

Way hay have fun!

Notonthestairs · 22/02/2019 19:20

Enjoy! I always pop a new house card through with our names and landline number. Our neighbours are lovely. We do Christmas drinks and BBQ's etc. After years of having odd and in one case scary neighbours it's a relief.