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Original poster

First date - should the man pay?

396 replies

Newbuild · 15/02/2019 13:59

Haven’t been on a first date in a long time but when I did I always offered to split it 50/50 and happy to pay for myself but actually I don’t think I’ve ever been on one where he hasn’t insisted and eventually paid.
Watching first dates (the programme) and she completely writes her date off because he didn’t offer to pay for their meal. So wondered what was ‘normal’... do you expect the bloke to pay or go Dutch? Would you judge him if he didn’t offer?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 15/02/2019 14:01

I would go Dutch on dates.

Karigan195 · 15/02/2019 14:01

No always Dutch

Bambamber · 15/02/2019 14:01

I don't expect him to pay. It's nice if he does, but I have always offered to go halves.

Sparklesocks · 15/02/2019 14:05

I think most people agree 50/50 is the best and fairest way. Or one person pays, then the next person does for the next date.
Also some men believe (wrongly) that if they’ve paid then their date somehow ‘owes’ them more of their time. Once a friend of mine went out for a coffee with a man as a first date, he paid for hers and the date was fine but she wasn’t really feeling it. She texted him afterwards to thank him but was honest that she didn’t see anything happening with them. He replied saying fine, but in that case could she paypal him the £3 for the coffee he got her!!!
Having the man pay is quite old fashioned. But I do think First Dates isn’t a great barometer as they get money towards the bill any way, and there is an element of playing up for the camera.

Geminijes · 15/02/2019 14:06

Always be prepared to go dutch then if the guy insists on paying then it's a nice bonus.

PBo83 · 15/02/2019 14:06

I believe that, if a man asks you on a date, that it's nice if he then pays. I do believe, however, that you should offer to pay half or, better still, if it has gone well then offer to pay next time (which you may or may not do but it's a good way of confirming if there will be second date).

Subsequent dates (unless he's taking you out for a birthday or something) should then be split.

DorothyZbornak · 15/02/2019 14:06

If a guy asked me out on a first date I probably would expect him to pay. After that, generally split it.

Racecardriver · 15/02/2019 14:06

The person who initiates is the one who pays. The other person offers to split but they insist. Then the next time the person who didn’t pay pays and do forget.

PBo83 · 15/02/2019 14:09

Also some men believe (wrongly) that if they’ve paid then their date somehow ‘owes’ them more of their time.

I don't think many men really believe this.

Once a friend of mine went out for a coffee with a man as a first date, he paid for hers and the date was fine but she wasn’t really feeling it. She texted him afterwards to thank him but was honest that she didn’t see anything happening with them. He replied saying fine, but in that case could she paypal him the £3 for the coffee he got her!!!

Wow, he sounds like a bit of an idiot and she's probably best there wasn't a second date. That said, I think if you KNOW there's not going to be second date then it's not unreasonable that you at least offer to pay half (particularly if the man seems keen on a second date). I'm not saying you owe him a second date just because he paid but, if you know he's going to be disappointed that you're not interested in seeing him again, letting him pay the full bill is a bit of a kick in the proverbials.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 15/02/2019 14:10

If he does pay, it's the law that you then have to sleep with him.

PinkHeart5914 · 15/02/2019 14:10

No you should always pay for yourself on the first date. Then after that you paying one time, him the next and so on is fine.

Why some women still think the man should pay is beyond me, last time I checked having a vagina doesn’t stop you opening your purse. Us ladies are allowed to work and earn money and everything

NotANotMan · 15/02/2019 14:10

Nope. I only do internet dating so I would never expect a man to pay or accept more than a coffee (I always offer, and have been taken up on it)
However I would never go for more than coffee on a first date unless it was someone I had known for a while and was pretty sure I would want a second date!

Catscratchclub · 15/02/2019 14:11

I know I sound a dick, but I always offer but would probably judge internally if the man didn’t insist on paying Blush

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 15/02/2019 14:12

Depends who does the asking doesnt it - if Im invited out for a meal, I do not expect to pay.

But TBH, it may be a generational thing but there are many things I dont expect to do. And wont do.

Calloway · 15/02/2019 14:13

I always want to go halves. If I've got a good vibe about them and they insist on paying, that's fine. If I'm not into them I'll insist on going halves as I don't want to listen to any of that aggrieved 'women are just out for what they can get' spiel.

StarlightLady · 15/02/2019 14:35

I think Dutch is the only way to go.

chestylarue52 · 15/02/2019 14:38

If i really like a man and definitely want a second date then I sometimes let him pay and say "oh I'll get the next one" which is a nice way of saying I'd like to see you again. But then I definitely do pay the entire bill the next time!

Otherwise I'd always go halves.

PengAly · 15/02/2019 14:39

Nope, I don't feel a man should ever be "expected" to pay. It should always be dutch. If he wants to and offers, that's a lovely gesture but no way should he be judged for not offering.

Crazycrazylady · 15/02/2019 14:39

Married now but I used to offer to go halves on all my dates, if I had no intention of seeing them again, I would insist on paying half but if I liked them I might let them pay and then pay on the ( hopefully) second date.

CatG85 · 15/02/2019 14:40

I think if they ask you on the date they might offer to pay which is lovely but always go prepared to go dutch and always offer.

If you ask them on the date, always be prepared to go dutch or ay for them! Should always work both ways :-)

Sparklesocks · 15/02/2019 14:41

PBo83 it was only a £3 coffee though, and she hadn't made her mind up at the beginning of the date that she wasn't keen. Fair enough if she'd known and then let him buy her a 5 course meal.

PBo83 · 15/02/2019 14:46

@Sparklesocks

Oh agreed. In this instance it's not even relevant, I was talking more in general.

londonliv · 15/02/2019 14:49

Go Dutch - would not want to feel like I owed anything! And unfortunately some men do think that paying = getting laid later!

Sparklesocks · 15/02/2019 14:51

PBo83 oh yes, I think most people would go dutch if they knew it wasn't likely to continue.

Although I did know a girl at university who would go on a lot of dinner dates to avoid spending money on food shopping!! Shock

Sukochicha · 15/02/2019 14:52

Dutch

Why should one person have to take all the cost?