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Original poster

First date - should the man pay?

396 replies

Newbuild · 15/02/2019 13:59

Haven’t been on a first date in a long time but when I did I always offered to split it 50/50 and happy to pay for myself but actually I don’t think I’ve ever been on one where he hasn’t insisted and eventually paid.
Watching first dates (the programme) and she completely writes her date off because he didn’t offer to pay for their meal. So wondered what was ‘normal’... do you expect the bloke to pay or go Dutch? Would you judge him if he didn’t offer?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:00

Also the high grooming expectations that are expected are proportionally unfair on poorer women.

I have just turned up to first dates clean. What do you mean by “high grooming expectations”?

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:00

I should clarify that I endeavour to turn up to all dates clean.

Asta19 · 15/02/2019 20:02

Actually I think there are high grooming expectations. I had a male friend who was doing OLD. He expected a woman to turn up in a nice dress, with her hair done and full make up. He was 50 so many of the women he met had children and needed to pay a baby sitter. Just being "clean" isn't going to cut it for most guys.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:03

If someone expected that of me, they’re not the one for me.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:07

He expected a woman to turn up in a nice dress, with her hair done and full make up

Maybe this is why he is still single.

happinessischocolate · 15/02/2019 20:08

If I didn't fancy him by the end of the date I'd go Dutch, if he didn't offer to pay then I'd assume he didn't fancy me.

It's not about money it's about if a man was out with his absolute dream date don't you think he'd want to pay?? Yes course he would, and if he's not treating you as his dream date then there's no point in seeing him again.

HelenaDove · 15/02/2019 20:09

I mean with things like waxing legs ( i dont shave cos it makes me sore.)
waxing is expensive.

this is hypothetical as im married.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:09

If he’s your dream date, why aren’t you offering to pay for him happiness?

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:10

Waxing legs isn’t compulsory helena.

Asta19 · 15/02/2019 20:11

He did manage to get a relationship although they are splitting up now! I honestly couldn't believe his level of entitlement yet he got dates! It's actually one of the reasons I gave up OLD. I'm not the type to pretty myself up for anyone. My attitude is more take me as I am or fuck off Grin

chestylarue52 · 15/02/2019 20:11

I go on dates hairy and as I am.

HelenaDove · 15/02/2019 20:11

i know it isnt. But how many men would be willing to overlook it Not many Especially if you turn up on a July date in a summer dress

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:12

A razor is pretty cheap.

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 15/02/2019 20:13

I have also been out with established couples (who've been together 5+ years, some a decade or more,) who split their bill, and pay for their own to the last penny. It's painful to watch.

They are always unmarried too. Not married, separate finances, pay 50% each towards everything, (even if one earns much less...) May as well be flatmates tbh. I couldn't be in a relationship like that. I'd sooner be single.

I have literally seen a woman I know tipping the coppers out of her little purse for her half a lager, as she's run out money (and her partner who earns 3X her salary is flashing 20s around!) Me and DH usually just say 'we'll get you one!' (We don't get her partner one though! The tight selfish fucker can buy his own!)

formerbabe · 15/02/2019 20:14

There's a horrible new breed of man nowadays who believe that if they so much as buy a drink for a woman, she's a gold-digging bitch. Women are then expected to pay for at least half or more of everything in an attempt to prove they're not. For this reason alone, I'd rather a man offered to pay. You don't want to be stuck with a cock lodging tight arse.

HelenaDove · 15/02/2019 20:14

Yes.......paying a baby sitter another expense for single parents who are usually women.

Ive been with DH for 27 years and i honestly wouldnt bother to date IF (God forbid) anything happened to him

Too much fucking game playing and i havent got the patience.

happinessischocolate · 15/02/2019 20:14

I will purpledaisies on the 2nd date 😊

I don't do expensive first dates though, so expecting a man to pay for coffee and cake is not exactly ripping him off.

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 15/02/2019 20:16

My last ‘first date’ was a man asking if he could take me out for a meal.

So he paid because he asked. I did buy a round of drinks. Any dates after that we paid 50/50.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:16

I don't do expensive first dates though, so expecting a man to pay for coffee and cake is not exactly ripping him off.

Expecting someone else to pay for you simply because they’re a man is cheap and entitled, no matter how much it is.

HelenaDove · 15/02/2019 20:16 
 I  just  said  a razor  makes  me  sore.     So  im supposed  to  make  myself  sore  for  the  benefit  of  a man    #feminism

Yet go halves on a date

See what i mean about cherry picking the bits of feminism that fit an agenda

My point has been beautifully proven,

redandyellowandpinkandgreen99 · 15/02/2019 20:17

@formerbabe

There's a horrible new breed of man nowadays who believe that if they so much as buy a drink for a woman, she's a gold-digging bitch. Women are then expected to pay for at least half or more of everything in an attempt to prove they're not. For this reason alone, I'd rather a man offered to pay. You don't want to be stuck with a cock lodging tight arse.

This made me LOL. Grin

Yeah I don't think men SHOULD pay, but it's nice if they offer.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:18

I just said a razor makes me sore. So im supposed to make myself sore for the benefit of a man #feminism

I never said you had to shave. You were arguing wading was too expensive for poor women. Just stay natural. That’s an entirely valid choice to make.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2019 20:21

This is what you said...
But how many men would be willing to overlook it Not many Especially if you turn up on a July date in a summer dress

You were the one saying wonen should remove their body hair for men, not me. Read my comments above. I’ve said all women need to do for a date is turn up clean as anyone who doesn’t accept them as they are isn’t worth dating.

Asta19 · 15/02/2019 20:22

If I didn't fancy him by the end of the date I'd go Dutch, if he didn't offer to pay then I'd assume he didn't fancy me

^ This

If a man doesn't like me then no I don't expect him to carry the full cost. It would be a bit unfair. The same being true if I didn't fancy him.

However, if we want to see each other again then I would expect/hope he would have enough faith in me to trust I would put my head in my pocket for the second date (which I would).

I'm not a woman of expensive tastes. For our first date my exH took me to Subway! In his defence we were going to the cinema and it was the one thing that was open nearby. But yes he paid, all £2.99 of it! And during our relationship he had his faults (hence why he's an ex) but he never ever took advantage of me financially. There is something about someone who would insist on 50/50 that would just put me off.

Asta19 · 15/02/2019 20:24

*hand in my pocket, not head in my pocket! lol

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