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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this piss you off?

245 replies

Ellabella989 · 12/02/2019 18:44

I don’t know if I’m being unnecessarily insecure here so please tell me if I am.

My DP (been with him 2 years) is very close with his ex and her family. I don’t really have any issues with it she’s happily married and my DP has known them all a long time so I wouldn’t want to ever stop him seeing them.

He’s just let slip by mistake that he spent last Christmas with them all. He told me at the time that he was spending it just with his dad (they all live at the opposite end of the country so I didn’t go with my DP as wanted to be with my own family).

I’ve just asked him why he lied about it and he said he didn’t want to worry me at the time and then forget to tell me after Hmm.
I’ve never made him think that there’s an issue with him being friends with her so I don’t know why he would lie to me about.

Would this annoy you or should I just let it drop?

OP posts:
VanillaSauce · 12/02/2019 18:45

The lie would annoy me more than the action.

Wherearemycrayons · 12/02/2019 18:46

That would totally fuck me off, and really shatter my trust. Why lie when you’ve never had a problem? Seems weird

Sparkletastic · 12/02/2019 18:47

He lied and he didn't want to spend Christmas with you. Both pretty hard to forgive.

MarthasGinYard · 12/02/2019 18:48

The lie was intentional

Yes would Piss me off
Do they have dc together

cheesydoesit · 12/02/2019 18:48

Yeah that's very weird and unessecary of him. YADNBU.

pipnchops · 12/02/2019 18:48

YANBU to be pissed off, he should not have lied to you there is no excuse for that.

IncrediblySadToo · 12/02/2019 18:49

Christmas just gone or the one before that? How long had you been together?

cheesydoesit · 12/02/2019 18:49

*unnecessary

Geminijes · 12/02/2019 18:50

The lie would annoy me.

If he spent Christmas just with his ex. and her family and not his Dad then I would be wondering why he lied to you and why did he prefer to spend Christmas with his ex. rather than you.

Original poster
Ellabella989 · 12/02/2019 18:50

@Martha no neither of them have any kids full stop. It just seems like such a weird thing for him to have done. I remember him specifically telling me that he spent the day with his dad and then dropped by to see a friend for an hour in the evening. He made zero mention of the fact he had actually been with her and her family all day and had Xmas lunch with them too.
I’m not someone who kicks up a fuss or does things like go in huffs etc so I don’t know why he couldn’t have just told me. Makes me worry he keeps other things from me too

OP posts:
Pocketfull · 12/02/2019 18:51

What a strange thing to do on his part.
YANBU to be angry at both the lie and the action, he’d rather spend Christmas with his ex and her family than you? Hmm I’d be having some sharp words.

WheelyCote · 12/02/2019 18:51

Its the lie that would niggle away. Id wonder why he felt the need and woukd worry hed feel the need to do this in ither areas

Original poster
Ellabella989 · 12/02/2019 18:51

@incrediblysadtoo Christmas just gone. And no doubt also the Christmas before that too as he was down there then as well. We have been together 2 years and both in our 30s

OP posts:
Brightburn · 12/02/2019 18:54

So your partner CHOSE to spend Xmas with his ex rather than you and then completely LIED about it?

Wake up and walk away!!!

Pissed off? I'd be leaving before he could say Christmas.

3timeslucky · 12/02/2019 18:54

Yes that would piss me off. Why lie? In fact it doesn't matter why he lied. He lied. And that would piss me off. And he lied to spend Christmas with his ex and her family. It just gets worse.

HolesinTheSoles · 12/02/2019 18:55

Yes I'd be massively annoyed that he lied about it.

Mookatron · 12/02/2019 18:56

This would piss me right off. You don't need to be 'cool girl' about that whopper of a lie. It would be the end for me tbh.

Original poster
Ellabella989 · 12/02/2019 18:58

I’ve just grilled him again about it wanting a proper explanation. He’s saying that he didn’t want me to think it was weird that he was with her on Xmas day so he kept it quiet but planned on telling me when he got home but he then forgot all about it Confused. He’s also saying I’m always welcome to go with him (I spent Xmas with my own family this year though as my dad has been unwell and wanted to be with them). I’m feeling very uneasy about this as he’s always seemed so trustworthy and open. He could be hiding other things too and I would never know

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 12/02/2019 18:59

He would rather be with his ex than you on Christmas Day. Fuck that shit.

HolyMountain · 12/02/2019 18:59

I’d not be able to get past it and it’d always be niggling at the back of my mind.

Mookatron · 12/02/2019 19:01

It's not just the Xmas day with the ex, or even the lie, but the type of person he has turned you into in his imagination that is hurtful (in my opinion obvs). Serious grovelling required if you're even feeling like keeping the relationship going.

Hiphopopotamous · 12/02/2019 19:02

Lying is worse than spending the day with his ex. Plus it sounds like it slipped out, not that he intentionally told you.

Untrustworthy, would be ending the relationship. Next.

CanuckBC · 12/02/2019 19:04

Wow, both the lie and the fact he would rather be with his ex then you on Christmas. Why? It’s f’ed up. He should want to be with you and yours. I would want to know why he wants to be with her and her family and not you and whomever the two of you would be with.

He says you could go, did he invite you, no. He didn’t even tell you about it!! Red flags everywhere.

Original poster
Ellabella989 · 12/02/2019 19:05

Yeah it definitely just slipped out by mistake when we were chatting earlier. He was clearly never planning on actually telling me. I’m sure he’d be extremely fed up if he knew I lied to him about spending Christmas with an ex. He currently looks like a rabbit in headlights and is trying to be overly nice and apologetic Hmm

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 12/02/2019 19:05

I'm sorry he didn't just forget to tell you afterwards. It was a deliberate lie and not telling you after the event was also intentional.