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Original poster

Would this piss you off?

245 replies

Ellabella989 · 12/02/2019 18:44

I don’t know if I’m being unnecessarily insecure here so please tell me if I am.

My DP (been with him 2 years) is very close with his ex and her family. I don’t really have any issues with it she’s happily married and my DP has known them all a long time so I wouldn’t want to ever stop him seeing them.

He’s just let slip by mistake that he spent last Christmas with them all. He told me at the time that he was spending it just with his dad (they all live at the opposite end of the country so I didn’t go with my DP as wanted to be with my own family).

I’ve just asked him why he lied about it and he said he didn’t want to worry me at the time and then forget to tell me after Hmm.
I’ve never made him think that there’s an issue with him being friends with her so I don’t know why he would lie to me about.

Would this annoy you or should I just let it drop?

OP posts:
Renster · 12/02/2019 19:41

So, he went to spend Xmas with his Dad, but sacked him off in favour of spending it with his ex and her family instead?? And then ‘forgot’ to tell you???!!! What an insensitive TWAT. His poor Dad. You’d be well rid.

Bluearsedfly36 · 12/02/2019 19:42

Sorry OP... LTB xx

cafesociety · 12/02/2019 19:42

He didn't forget to tell you afterwards at all. He deliberately kept this from you for over 6 weeks.

And he kept it from you before he left to 'visit his dad'. He is a liar and a sneak and unkind to you and also his father. What sort of man is this?

I would not move in with him. He is showing you who he is, and he is not a pleasant character. What else don't you know about? How many other things will he lie to you about in the future? You'll be on tenterhooks.

I've had someone diminish my character by telling me how I would behave in certain situations and been totally incorrect...just their way of concealing things and justifying their own underhandedness. It stinks, very hurtful.

People like this put you down to do and justify things they are deep down ashamed of doing and have feelings they are ashamed of feeling. All the time they don't give a toss how it makes you feel, you are irrelevant. So disrespectful.

neveradullmoment99 · 12/02/2019 19:45

eh..no way!!! I would wonder why the hell you weren't invited. Something not right here.

Petalflowers · 12/02/2019 19:47

Was dp’s dad with them as well, or was dad left alone?

If dad went, then it wouldn’t be so bad, as ex was inviting grandad for Christmas.

However, to,spend happy families with them is weird. Did he have any kids there, or are they all hers/new do? If no kids, then even weirder, unless ex. Is part of family which have always done stuff together with dh’s family.

LadyBunker · 12/02/2019 19:50

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the request of the OP.

SeigneurLapindeGrantham · 12/02/2019 19:51

What a sneak he is, he lied then compounded the lie by lying about forgetting to tell you.

Has his so- called ex got some kind of hold over him do you think?

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2019 19:51

It is weird that he is friends with his ex and her family after splitting up, why is she an ex then if they are so friendly. If there was nothing going on, why would he lie. I would not like that at all!

wellhonestly · 12/02/2019 19:51

Of course I would be pissed off! Flaming Nora!

He lied to you. He has shown you you cannot trust him. Was he hedging his bets at an early stage of the relationship? If so, manipulative.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2019 19:52

They have no kids together, so there is no tie.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 12/02/2019 19:53

I'm just feeling incredibly sorry for his Dad!! Left all alone at Xmas cos his son was holding a torch for the ex. How sad 😞

Pernickity1 · 12/02/2019 19:53

It’s bloody weird that he’s still so close to his ex and her family? Spending Christmas Day?! Why are still friends? Why did the relationship end? It’s not normal - I’d be inclined to think someone still has feelings for someone... I’d get rid OP, I couldn’t bear playing second fiddle to an ex.

pallisers · 12/02/2019 19:53

He would rather be with his ex than you on Christmas Day. Fuck that shit.

This is it really. I'd put the brakes on moving in together - just tell him you expect to be the person he wants most to spend time with - not second best so why don't you hold off on moving in and see how things go. might give him a shock to realise he can't just presume you will be there.

I am good friends with an ex. i invited him to my wedding and he invited me to his. Both of us came up with a lovely excuse to decline the invitation and wished the other well. I couldn't imagine spending christmas with him and not telling my husband. weird.

And he lied. He didn't forget.

wellhonestly · 12/02/2019 19:54

PS do not move in with this man in 2 weeks time. If ever.

CottonSock · 12/02/2019 19:55

It's pretty awful, I'm sorry op.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/02/2019 19:58

pallisers why did you both invited each other to your respective weddings only to decline, may as well not invite each other.

FetchezLaVache · 12/02/2019 19:59

I'd be pretty pissed off too OP - frankly I'd be nonplussed about wanting to spend Christmas with his ex lover and her new husband in the first bloody place (and them wanting him to!), but to leave his dad on his own to do so and lie to you about it, when you have never had a problem with his friendship with her, is mystifying.

Are there any other ways in which he is a bit of a weirdo and how easily can you get out of moving in with him?

BarbedBloom · 12/02/2019 20:02

This would be the end for me. He has lied to you twice in two years and kept the lie up for a long period of time and only told you by accident. There wasn’t any guilt there. I just couldn’t trust him again. Plus I also think it sounds like he intends to go again this year. Sorry OP Flowers

IvanaPee · 12/02/2019 20:03

He’s likely still in love with her.

cheesydoesit · 12/02/2019 20:04

I think it's good timing. It would be less messy to walk away now, before you move in together. I couldn't get past this and wouldn't see the point in trying, it's really hurtful and says a lot about him as a person.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 12/02/2019 20:12

well, you are no this favourite are you?

this is totally not normal for a man with a girlfriend/ltr, parent still on the scene to spend significant occasions with his ex and family when there are no children to consider

and to blatantly lie about it just makes it worse.

Do not move in with this man, he is just marking time with you.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 12/02/2019 20:13

no this= not his. bah, to stupid typing.

pallisers · 12/02/2019 20:13

pallisers why did you both invited each other to your respective weddings only to decline, may as well not invite each other.

We invited because we were still friends. We would both have had to travel to attend so it was easy to decline but I also think both of us felt we'd be a bit odd looking at each other's wedding. It is 20 years later now and I don't think we really think about us being exes when we meet up - more us being friends and our families being friendly - our kids have babysat his.

cinnamon9 · 12/02/2019 20:18

What is his relationship like with his Dad? Is it weird that he left him alone or is that part understandable because their relationship is a bad one?

This is tricky because it's not necessarily super clear cut - as in, he's not cheated on you (or at least as far as we know). However I do agree with the majority here that this 'feels' really dodgy and the fact that he knowingly lied to you and clearly wasn't going to tell you is awful.

And you are saying it happened 2 years running? If so that means he lied throughout 2018?!!

Actually, this is becoming clearer as I type.... Option A. You go away (if you can) for a few days / a week so you can have time to think and get absolute clarity before dumping him .
Option B. dump him right away.

What arrangements are there for moving in - are you renting? Can you walk away with your deposit intact if you pull out now?

GruciusMalfoy · 12/02/2019 20:19

Imagine yourself telling your family or your close friends about this. Their reaction should tell you anything you need to know. It's a really weird thing for him to have done.

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