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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not know his wage?!

270 replies

notaniota · 08/02/2019 22:55

A few threads on here have got me thinking, I have no idea what DH earns pm! I know his salary (give or take) but couldn’t tell you how much he gets paid and I don’t look at his pay slips ever!! Is this that odd?? Anyone else?? 😂

OP posts:
PrismGuile · 08/02/2019 22:56

How long have you been together? It's not imperative but it's a bit odd to share a life and not know what assets you're working with... do you never make joint purchases?

bridgetreilly · 08/02/2019 22:57

If you know his annual salary, it's pretty easy to work out his take home pay. Plenty of calculators for that if you google.

PrismGuile · 08/02/2019 22:57

I've also never looked at DPs payslips (does anyone even get those nowadays?) I just believe what he says his salary is.

DragonKiller · 08/02/2019 22:58

I think it's pretty unusual, unless you've only recently got together.

notaniota · 08/02/2019 23:01

Married 7 yrs...two DC. What would you consider a joint purchase. He bought the car before I could drive, now the car is in my name and my insurance. He has another car now. House he bought before he met me, sold when we married and we bought another home (in both names). I know what savings we have (and I have some in my name also) but I couldn’t tell you our incomings (or our outgoings unless I added them up I suppose) it is strange isn’t it!!🙈🙈

OP posts:
notaniota · 08/02/2019 23:02

@bridgetreilly yes somewhat so I could work it out. Apart from pension contributions I suppose.

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 08/02/2019 23:02

Does he have more than one job?? If you know his salary then you know how much he gets paid. They are the same thing.

Yeah, I think it's pretty unusual to not know what your partner is paid irl. Not on mn though.

Quartz2208 · 08/02/2019 23:02

Are you talking exact and now a ball park because I couldn’t tell you my exact wage or DH but I know the rough amount and monthly amount

Not at all would be weird

2019Dancerz · 08/02/2019 23:03

How can you budget for anything? Know how much you can spend on the house or on a holiday?

sansou · 08/02/2019 23:04

It’s odd if you share finances. You need to know your joint household income in order to jointly manage your outgoings and savings. It’s basic financial literacy that seems to be not uncommon on MN threads. I suggest that you do yourself and DH a favour and get a firm grasp of your joint household incomings and expenditure.

notaniota · 08/02/2019 23:05

I could say within 2-3k salary wise I think! 🙈 but I do know mine to the penny!!😆😆 I should just ask him!! 😆

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 08/02/2019 23:07

So if one of your dc needed something, dental work/big school trip/ whatever ,you would have no idea if you could, as a couple, pay for it ? Are you loaded, so it doesn't matter?

DelurkingAJ · 08/02/2019 23:08

I think if you live well within your income and both earn similar amounts it’s pretty normal.

The last time I knew was when we bought a house several years ago. Both of our salaries have increased since then and I know that DH has now fully repaid his student loan. We pay for holidays etc out of savings that we build up so we’re not currently budgeting for anything.

I did know to the penny when we were first starting out and only just earned enough to cover the rent and eat!

Ginseng1 · 08/02/2019 23:10

Yeh it's unusual in RL not to know at least ballpark. U bought a house together so salaries are there did u not pay any attention to that?

notaniota · 08/02/2019 23:10

@2019Dancerz I just say... shall we book a holiday...what do you think our budget is? We look up holidays and pick what we think is worth it. We won’t be doing a holiday this year though as we are doing work on the house.

@sansou yes we save, I can see and access our savings whenever as they are joint, but his wage goes into his account, my wage into mine. When we go to the shop we just pick up a card, either card I suppose. But I don’t open his post so I don’t check his statements nor does he check mine. 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
notaniota · 08/02/2019 23:14

@Ginseng1 yes but that was 5 yrs ago so I know it has increased 🙈

@InDubiousBattle I wouldn’t say we are LOADED imo but Our DC are 6 and 3 so major dental work/big school trips are not an issue for a few years I suppose.

OP posts:
greendale17 · 08/02/2019 23:21

Very unusual and weird

reluctantbrit · 08/02/2019 23:25

Sorry but if I start a family I think these things should be open. I do not know up to the penny what DH earns as it varies each quarter but I am the one checking the joined account and sorting out the savings.

LagunaBubbles · 08/02/2019 23:25

This is a bit weird to me to. But you don't seem that bothered.

Holidayshopping · 08/02/2019 23:27

Very odd. We have a joint account though and always have done so I know exactly what’s coming in and going out.

SparklyLeprechaun · 08/02/2019 23:28

I don't even know my own income down to the pound, let alone DH's. We are both sensible people, we don't spend frivolously, we save, not loaded but don't need to budget massively either. If we have a big purchase we check how much we've got in savings and work it out from there.

notaniota · 08/02/2019 23:29

No I suppose I’m not, we are financially secure I know that much. I have my own wage so it doesn’t bother me. He doesn’t hide things from me, I think he would laugh at me if I asked him “oh yeah btw what’s your wage? I think he thinks that I know?!” I could guess but I could be wrong by 2-3k?

OP posts:
cheesenpickles · 08/02/2019 23:29

We've been married similar amount of time and have 2dcs. We actually have separate finances (though joint mortgage and a "joint" account that bills go from in his name, mainly because I would spend it because he's the higher wage earner).

The bills get paid, the mortgage gets paid, I sort the groceries and all the fun stuff. I have no idea of his wages but they fluctuate a lot because of his job (overtime, random incremental uplifting etc).

People think we're weird and say how can we do it but I look after the bills and everything is paid, I have my own money and don't have to justify anything, same as him, and it works for us. I could turn around and ask him for money and he would hand it over as would I to him.

I also know if we split I could carry on the mortgage comfortably with bills and vice versa.

So I wouldn't be worried (and I'll get flamed for this).

notaniota · 08/02/2019 23:30

@SparklyLeprechaun yes we just kinda see has we go I suppose 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 08/02/2019 23:32

I don't know what my DH earns but to be honest I couldn't tell you accurately what I earn. I could come out with a ball park figure for both of us. Not really interested beyond that.

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