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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know his wage?!

270 replies

notaniota · 08/02/2019 22:55

A few threads on here have got me thinking, I have no idea what DH earns pm! I know his salary (give or take) but couldn’t tell you how much he gets paid and I don’t look at his pay slips ever!! Is this that odd?? Anyone else?? 😂

OP posts:
bbcessex · 09/02/2019 00:04

Debruary - this is the basis of financial stability.

You don’t have to dictate who spends what, how and when, but it’s crucial to have equal access to the information.

Parky04 · 09/02/2019 00:05

My DW is not interested in what we have. I try to discuss savings, pensions, endowments, etc but she is not interested. It does frustrate me somewhat that everything financial is left to me!

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 00:06

@Debruary As I said I know our bills as such as I pay some of them. Like our electricity bill comes in every month and I pay it ( don’t do DD)we really don’t have many ‘bills’ that come in the door as such. In fact the only bills that come through the door are the phones (direct debit) and the electricity. Everything else we control like heating oil etc

OP posts:
bbcessex · 09/02/2019 00:07

Are you younger, OP?

I’m 50 and forever looking at my pension projections!

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 00:08

@Parky04 I do know how much and have access to savings. I know where to find pension info. I just don’t feel the need to yet I suppose. And I am aware of the Life ins policies we have.

OP posts:
turncloak · 09/02/2019 00:09

I don't know DH's salary! He probably told me about six years ago when he started his current job, or when we applied for the mortgage, but I imagine it will have changed since then, plus he also gets overtime some months. I could guess his monthly take-home within three to four hundred pounds if I really had to, but it's never really come up. He has enough to cover the mortgage and bills, I have enough to cover stuff for the home and children. We have seperate finances, and we both seem to have a similar amount left over to 'play with' each month. It's never really been an issue.

peachgreen · 09/02/2019 00:10

Ohhhhh okay that makes a lot more sense Grin I know my DH's take home (roughly) because it goes into our joint account but I'm not sure exactly what that translates to salary-wise!

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 00:11

@bbcessex I’m early 30’s

OP posts:
YouBumder · 09/02/2019 00:12

I know every penny I earn, I know every penny he earns. I know every bill, every direct debit, I know what we spend on food, fun and every penny we put away in savings.

This, exactly. I check our bank statement every single day

Kitkatmonster · 09/02/2019 00:14

My DH pension arrangement has honestly never crossed my mind. I am 100% on top of finances, we have a joint account that all household direct debits come out of, and we both have critical illness/life insurance. Beyond that our finances are separate, we have children, we broadly split associated costs. E.g. if a child needs new shoes/uniform one of us will buy it. Next time the other will. We each have one child’s online school payment system linked to our individual email accounts, so we each pay for one child’s lunches/trips etc. It works out broadly fair and we aren’t petty over small differences. Beyond that he buys his own stuff, I buy mine. OP is that similar to you?

YouBumder · 09/02/2019 00:16

To be fair, I’m not sure my husband knows exactly what I earn or all our bills and outgoing etc. But it’s all there, in our joint bank accounts! He just leaves it to me Hmm

SophiaLovesSummer · 09/02/2019 00:18

I find this so odd - I'm divorced now but Ex & I literally couldn't imagine us sharing our lives together but being in the dark about what the other one was earning. How do you even plan together when you're in the dark? Confused

Also, what is the upside of not knowing? I can't see reasons why you wouldn't or shouldn't know iyswim.

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 00:19

@Kitkatmonster yeah pretty much, we never argue about money either. Somethings he pays for things, sometimes I do. Neither of us are bothered. It’s still family money even though it’s kept somewhat separate apart from savings. But even that isn’t counted, he likes to save the same figure every month whereas I will transfer some at the start of the month and then whatever is remaining the night before payday, we don’t keep track of each other so to speak!

OP posts:
Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 00:21

@SophiaLovesSummer
What do you mean by plan? Plan what exactly?

OP posts:
Kitkatmonster · 09/02/2019 00:25

@notaniota yes, I think we are similar, we don’t argue we are just both pretty fairly minded so do just keep it fair. I know he has savings but I don’t know how much/where and he knows I have credit card debt, but frankly it’s not his business if I’m paying it.

CherryPavlova · 09/02/2019 00:26

I don’t know how much I get exactly. Know my salary more or less but never really think about my take home pay. Our wagevslips are all online now and I can’t be bothered looking.
I’ve got a ball park figure for my husband but not the exact amount. He’s basic salary isn’t really reflective of his income somit might take a bit of working out. I’m not sure he would know exactly either, to be honest.
Our outgoings are less than our income so alls good. We just don’t think about money much.

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 00:28

@Kitkatmonster yes I think it’s the easy going factor!! 😂 now the only credit card he has is a work expense one. I don’t have one thank god, I had one as a student and I hated it 😝🙈

OP posts:
DishingOutDone · 09/02/2019 00:43

We have to budget almost to the penny, so this wouldn't work for us - we both have to put everything into the joint account each month and its always been like that.

I think what you are describing is being very comfortably off.

shazkiwi · 09/02/2019 00:44

What do you mean by plan? Plan what exactly?

@notanoita we plan things like : paying off debt - how do we pay this off the fastest, retirement at what age - how much to retire on, kids tertiary education -how much (if any) help are we willing and able to give them, mortgage - paying off early or not, saving for a rainy day - yes or no, house improvements - what do we want to do now versus what do we want to save towards, buying a car - old second hand or save for a bit and buy a newer second hand, spare cash - do we invest or buy a lottery ticket.

If you aren't open & share finances I don't understand how you can adequately plan for and ultimately achieve financial life goals.

julensaor · 09/02/2019 00:44

you should always know your 'life partner''s wage, always. Likewise you should always share yours. I cannot understand the nature of a relationship where this is a hidden or non-discussed factor. You are either in a life together or not, it is pretty black or white.

Mumstheword1987 · 09/02/2019 00:50

I know what dp earns ... he knows what i have I know all financial outgoings and incomings

2019Dancerz · 09/02/2019 00:51

Having a credit card is a good way to build up a personal credit rating (assuming you can/do make all the payments)

Purpleartichoke · 09/02/2019 01:24

I know what DH makes in the sense that he has told me and I do our taxes, but I couldn’t tell you off the top of my head. I couldn’t tell you mine precisely either. When we were younger I could have, but we’ve reached the point where things are comfortable enough that everything becomes approximate.

Justanotheruser01 · 09/02/2019 08:02

I never really cared what dh earnt he paid the bills had enough spare for holidays and we never struggled I didn't really ever need to ask - he only knows a ball park and never knows when he gets paid. Me on the other hand I used to have a very fluctuating earning job so that was explained to him quite early on why some months I'm flashing the cash but then others I am super strict with money.
I could probably tell you now as he has had a few increases a rough estimate of maybe 5k either side.

Justanotheruser01 · 09/02/2019 08:03

Oh but i do know every penny of mine - and every penny I but a budget on (because I like it that way)