To not know his wage?!

[notaniota]

A few threads on here have got me thinking, I have no idea what DH earns pm! I know his salary (give or take) but couldn’t tell you how much he gets paid and I don’t look at his pay slips ever!! Is this that odd?? Anyone else?? 😂

Oh yes I forgot nobody on mn can be somewhat secure financially without getting lynched 🙄

*We've been married similar amount of time and have 2dcs. We actually have separate finances (though joint mortgage and a "joint" account that bills go from in his name, mainly because I would spend it because he's the higher wage earner).

The bills get paid, the mortgage gets paid, I sort the groceries and all the fun stuff. I have no idea of his wages but they fluctuate a lot because of his job (overtime, random incremental uplifting etc).

People think we're weird and say how can we do it but I look after the bills and everything is paid, I have my own money and don't have to justify anything, same as him, and it works for us. I could turn around and ask him for money and he would hand it over as would I to him.*

This is our exact setup (minus the marriage and 2 DC - been together 6 years and I have a DD from a previous relationship and he pays roughly half towards anything she needs) and all of MN seem to find it odd when I have seen similar on other threads but I think it makes perfect sense?! We pay the bills and put it into my account that all dd's come from. Anything we have left we keep and spend as we see fit. If we go on holiday, we pay half each. We do earn almost exactly the same as each other which is why it works so well. I imagine if I was a sahm, or even working part time to care for young DC, it might be a different setup which is probably why so many others find it a bit odd

I’ve always found this odd. When my ex and I moved in together buying our first home we got a joint account. Both our salaries were paid into it. I earned more than he did. I even offered to give us both back the same amount for our own personal account spending - we looked at the budget. Anyway what seems to be the common thing on here and from talking to friends is the total opposite. Keep own salaries and pay into a joint bills account the same amount each or one pays mortgage other pays bills etc. Meaning that what’s left for each other could vary massively if earnings aren’t matched. I couldn’t get on with having more personal spends available and saying I could afford to go on holiday for instance but he couldn’t. I was also predicting me earning less at some point when we had children (which did happen) and didn’t want to be left asking for money to spend.

I knew his exact income each month as it went into our joint account. I’d also notice any ninja amounts he earned on commission. My salary was fixed. I was usually the one doing the budget though and saying if we could or couldn’t afford things.

Fast forward to us now being divorced. I still have no regrets. We didn’t divorce with any savings. The mortgage was in my name purely due to bad credit on his part - not his fault but a wrongly reported bad credit which was amended after buying the house but would have cost too much then to add him onto mortgage. Planned tonat remortgage. Never actually remortgaged either as house plummeted into negative equity so bank wouldn’t allow a remortgage so stayed on variable rate just in my name. This was the only bit I regret as he left all responsibility for the mortgage which I didn’t fight. I’m sure he would have claimed half of any equity though!

Humble braggers on this post....oh no I dont need to know DH/DP wages....is that weird????
Who cares Cathy?? Live your best oblivious life.

Also people who have real money dont come on mn to talk about it. Excuse me whilst I try and borrow a tenner off Beyoncé.

We both put money into bills, savings etc (in proportion to wage as he earns more, I know that much!) what’s left is for Is to do as please.

So does that mean he has more disposable income than you?

We both put money into bills, savings etc (in proportion to wage as he earns more, I know that much!) what’s left is for Is to do as please. @Nanny0gg this is not something I (OP) said. But yes my DH earns more than me but what’s his is ours and what mine is ours “it’s OUR disposable income”

It’s fine that you don’t know what he earns and start to complain about people questioning your relationship and finances, however why did you actually start this thread ?

Hi it's your way of life nothing wrong with not knowing but if it was me I would like to know well not like but it would be better if we put all our cards on the table then we know what we are dealing with, outgoings etc. Do you deal with the outgoings in your household?

I was married for a long time and I never knew his wage. Everything was a big secret with him which is why he’s now my ex.

@Nikkik77 yes a lot of them, some are direct debit from our accounts others I pay when we get the bill. We don’t have many bills though. Mortgage/ insurances/phones/electricity/childcare

Op, you are not the only one. My DH is self employed and tb absolutely honest, I have no idea how much he makes. We share bills etc, no joint account. He has no idea how much I make too I think😁
As long as bills are paid, we don't really bother.

Oblomov19, never admit on mumsnet to opening your OH's post. I said that once on a thread and was told I was totally out of order, it's an invasion of privacy, I obviously don't trust my DH etc etc.

I read some of the comments out to DH and he laughed and said "some people are so strange, I couldn't care less that you open my letters".

When something is marked "personal" or "private" I don't usually open it but he always, without fail, asks me why I didn't.

MyDog

MN is all about personal experiences and posters can only ever share their own, which is what it is about.

But, yes, I too open my DH's post (shock, horror). But when your DH works away a lot, this is normal for us. I have saved quite a few fines, payment demands, health issues, by opening his post while he is away. He also thinks it is fine, and wouldn't understand why not.

Exactly OlderThanAverage. My DH also quite often works away but even when he didn't I would usually open his post.

I am home when the postman comes and I just automatically open the post unless say I know an envelope is likely to be a birthday card. Most of our post sadly is bills or just other boring stuff but we have no secrets from each other so to open all post does not seem strange.

I have no problem with him opening my post either.

I don't know what the horrified posters do if a letter is addressed to Mr and Mrs? Maybe they have to open them together!

I dont open my DF's post nor does he open mine routinely, but if one is at home while the other is out it's not unusual for us to call or text saying "you have an interesting looking letter, shall I open it?"

OP. Joint property, wills, life insurance.. It sounds like you 've got the big stuff covered equitably.. but your post sounds like you'd like a bit more transparency, but if it doesn't cause friction or bother you, sounds like you've mostly got it covered.

Yes I think it’s all covered, no friction at all!