Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11

Original poster

To not know his wage?!

270 replies

notaniota · 08/02/2019 22:55

A few threads on here have got me thinking, I have no idea what DH earns pm! I know his salary (give or take) but couldn’t tell you how much he gets paid and I don’t look at his pay slips ever!! Is this that odd?? Anyone else?? 😂

OP posts:

duckling84 · 10/02/2019 18:29

I don't find it unusual at all. I don't know Dh's annual income nevermind monthly. He's on a zero hour contract and gets paid 4 weekly so it varies. I only find out once a year when I wrestle his p60 from him to fill in our annual tax credit renewal and then have to listen to two weeks of him being being adamant he didn't earn that much last year and they made an error..... he likes to think he is poorer then he actually is

Didyeeaye · 10/02/2019 18:32

My ex and I managed our money pretty separately and fed the same amount to a joint account to cover the house and DS. We earned about the same (I may have been a bit more but only about 2k a year) so it was simple and suited us. I used my left over money for expensive clothes or treats like a spa day with friends and he used his to do up an old land rover. Tbh it was one of the only things that worked about our relationship lol

mydogisthebest · 10/02/2019 18:37

"I don't know because I don't ask"! Why do you need to ask? Why has it never been discussed what you both earn when discussing finances?

DH has had a few jobs over the years and I have always known what he earns. He has told me what his salary will be and if there is likely to be any extras. Also told me what extra he has earned when he has done overtime. I have always done exactly the same too.

I can't really get my head round not knowing what your partner earns when you are meant to be sharing a life together. Then again I don't understand people who lie about how much an item of clothing cost or an evening out etc

BenjiB · 10/02/2019 18:38

We’ve been married 23 years and My husband is self employed so earnings vary and I’m the only one who knows how to get onto online banking. He has no idea what’s In any of the bank accoints or what our outgoings are. It’s not a secret though. I don’t work and we don’t have joint accounts.

dragonsfire · 10/02/2019 18:43

It’s not that weird I have a rough idea and know we are comfortable but I don’t know his exact earnings and he doesn’t know mine.

We both put money into bills, savings etc (in proportion to wage as he earns more, I know that much!) what’s left is for Is to do as please.

Don’t need to know to the penny unless you feel someone isn’t paying a fair share.

GabsAlot · 10/02/2019 18:43

yes i know it varies every month coz of shift work and i sort out all the bills
joint account hes very open with me

Original poster

notaniota · 10/02/2019 19:10

@mydogisthebest if you RTFT I stated that I could ballpark guess within 2-3k what his salary was as the last time I knew for sure was when we bought our last house (quite a while ago)
@DuckbilledSplatterPuff we don’t “split” anything because we see it all as “our” money it doesn’t matter who’s account it’s actually in. He pays some bills I pay others, sometimes I use his card for food shopping and sometimes mine. Yes we have enough life insurance (I know because I know what’s left on the mortgage (not much) and how much our life insurance is for. And yes we have a will drawn up.

OP posts:

Mangar · 10/02/2019 19:12

I don’t know exactly how much my other half earns and we’ve been married for 25 years.. we get paid into our own accounts and put bill money in a joint account and each keep what’s left.. if I need money I ask, if he needs money he asks otherwise we just tick over.. I have no idea how much our bills are as he sorts them all

PolarBearkshire · 10/02/2019 19:12

I think its financially irresponsible. Couples should budget and plan finances together otherwise its not really serious relationship and partners are shady. Dont have to have joint accounts or follow every penny but the real year fugures are needed for proper finances planning.
Really bizarre to me.
Unless some casual boyfriend- then you dont need to know he us bankrupt or a millionaire lol.
Living together - his financial begavior WILL affect your life tremendously! Therefore you need to know.

Original poster

notaniota · 10/02/2019 19:15

@PolarBearkshire why are you assuming he is hiding something, he’s not! I could walk downstairs rightnow and sift through the files and see how much he earns to the penny instead of guessing (I had intended on it today but we were busy) we have been together over 10 years and married for 7 with DCs and we have a very solid relationship.

OP posts:

PolarBearkshire · 10/02/2019 19:21

Wonderful. Enjoy your ignorance then. Why this post? Live as you wish.

Original poster

notaniota · 10/02/2019 19:26

@PolarBearkshire as stated in the thread other threads got me thinking that I didn’t know his exact wage per month. I’m not living in any ignorance at all. Also as stated I know what our savings are (joint) and that we have no debts. And clearly I am not the only one going by the answers here.

OP posts:

sansou · 10/02/2019 19:30

What matters is that it works for you. If you don’t care about knowing how much your DH earns, that’s great for you. You’re asking whether it’s odd so the thread is obviously going to attract the whole spectrum of answers.

There has been threads galore about dependant women who suffer financial abuse from their DPs arising from lack of financial knowledge for whatever reason.

Separate accounts doesn’t mean separate finances. It’s whether you have transparency. If you have no issues with how it works for you, crack on. Why do you even use his bank/credit card? I find that even more odd! I never use DH’s cards, I have my own. DH never uses my cards either.

In our household, I manage the finances and always have done from the start of our relationship. I suspect that if DH answered this post, he probably wouldn’t care overly much either. I’m the saver, he’s more of the spender in our relationship and we sort of balance each other out over the years. I’ve always had spreadsheets so I could adjust our budget according to life’s rollercoaster. What works for you wouldn’t work for me. Not everyone is overly interested in personal finance. I repeat horses for courses.

Original poster

notaniota · 10/02/2019 19:38

@sansou because sometimes he works away for weeks at a time and he doesn’t need ANY MONEY when there. He uses a work CC to travel with to cover expenses. But once he arrives at work he doesn’t need money/cards. So he leaves it with me just Incase etc

OP posts:

Yadayadaya · 10/02/2019 19:43

I think it’s normal-ish OP. I have no idea how much DH earns really because he’s self-employed so doesn’t take money regularly. He deals with finances. I’m a SAHM, but I can see how much is in the joint account. He has money all over the place and all sorts of inverstments, but that’s what he does and I trust him. I’ve never felt the need to ask in 17 years. I just think some couples operate On a need to know basis. I don’t tell him every in and out of the kids’ issues, but he trusts I have that under control, so that’s how it works. I would tell him if he asked and vice versa.

Stickerrocks · 10/02/2019 19:49

Couples should budget and plan finances together otherwise its not really serious relationship and partners are shady. Well I think we're in a serious relationship after 30 years together, but I think we're actually both as dull as dishwater rather than shady, which is why we have mutual respect and trust for each other.

Bluelady · 10/02/2019 19:52

We're not remotely shady - whatever that means - 21 years and counting.

OhTheRoses · 10/02/2019 19:56

Just for ypu bluelady, what's the odd couple of 100k between friends and lovers

ForkingBullshirt · 10/02/2019 19:58

This is quite possibly the braggiest post I've seen for a long time.
Not only is the op/husband wealthy enough that it doesnt matter what comes in and goes out but she also has the perfect marriage/husband.
And lets not forget the trusts set up for the dcs by gps...

There is nothing stealthy about this post😂🤣😂

Bluelady · 10/02/2019 19:58

No idea @Roses, my husband doesn't buy a house on impulse without telling me.

Oblomov19 · 10/02/2019 20:07

I've always known. His salary goes into our joint account, I see his payslips, I open all mail, his and mine, so I see both our p60's etc.

Original poster

notaniota · 10/02/2019 20:08

@ForkingBullshirt good god I never said we had the perfect marriage I said we had a solid relationship...two Different things entirely!! Also we are not wealthy I did state upthread that we didn’t have a hell of a lot of outgoings!! No sky tv, no tv in fact!! So we live quite simply to be honest!! We grow our own veg, have chickens etc.Yes very lucky to have a trustfund from Gp’s but that is DC’s money not ours!

OP posts:

JeezYouLoon · 10/02/2019 20:37

I vaguely know DH, but his wage is made up of a basic rate plus he can earn commission, so it varies from month to month.

Due to the up and down nature we don't have a joint account, he gives me a set amount each month and I pay all the bills. It's up to him to get his arse in gear to get as much commission as possible!

JeezYouLoon · 10/02/2019 20:38

Missing 's - makes all the difference

NotBeforeCoffee · 10/02/2019 21:03

This is such a humble brag.
Basically ‘we’re so wealthy I don’t need to know how much money we have hehehe’.

Flip

1 2 ··· 6 7 8 9 10 11

Swipe left for the next trending thread