Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know his wage?!

270 replies

notaniota · 08/02/2019 22:55

A few threads on here have got me thinking, I have no idea what DH earns pm! I know his salary (give or take) but couldn’t tell you how much he gets paid and I don’t look at his pay slips ever!! Is this that odd?? Anyone else?? 😂

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 09/02/2019 10:25

Really don't understand the point of this thread. If you wanna know his salary, ask him. If you don't, don't! 🤷‍♀️

nokidshere · 09/02/2019 10:30

His set account outgoings= mortgage, life ins x2, his phone bill, savings DD.
Other bills that I pay= My phone bill DD, childcare ( I pay when I get the invoice), electricity (I pay when the quarterly bill comes in) that is it I think that is regular.

What about water, broadband, tv licence, house insurance, buildings insurance, council tax..... potentially there are lots of things that you haven't mentioned

You sound quite pleased at not knowing the details of you financial lives which I find a bit strange.

Like a pp I know exactly every penny that comes and goes and keep a check on it daily. Initially that was because we had no spare funds, now it's just habit. I like a calm and ordered life, being financially savvy means that we don't have to stress about money too often these days because we know exactly what is available and when.

Xmasfairy86 · 09/02/2019 10:30

I don’t know what DP earns to the penny. He’s now self employed and it varies. I generally know if we can or can’t afford something.
It’s never bothered me 🤔 unless I want something I can’t afford and he won’t hand over the funds 😂😂😂

MilkGoatee · 09/02/2019 10:32

You didn't say 60's, you said 60-ish, quite a difference. I wouldn't have responded otherwise.

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 10:37

@nokidshere
No water bills here
We don’t have broadband as we use our internet from our phones (unlimited)
No tv Licence as we don’t have tv just laptop and iPads (we watch Netflix etc) we actually pay that I forgot that.
house insurance is paid with mortgage
no council tax here either.

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 09/02/2019 10:46

Initially I was surprised by this post but I do the finances so it occurred to me dh probably doesn't know my monthly take home. He'd make a ballpark guess. Tbh I'm not sure he actually knows his own. We moved house 18 months ago and initially freaked out that we couldn't afford the mortgage I was proposing so I had to show him. He had no idea how much money we had.

I'm happy to be open but he's not too interested and after 14 years living together my financial management has worked so he's happy for me to carry on.

Off to ask what he thinks I take home... (btw it's family money we both earn not individual)

Stickerrocks · 09/02/2019 10:47

I don't think you are that unusual notaniota. DH and I pay an equal amount into our joint account from our salaries each month. I also have income from my own business which fluctuates from month to month. I have no idea how much DH has in his own accounts and the same applies to him. We only know in January each year how much we both earned in the previous tax year when we have to share info for our tax returns. I might mention a significant payrise and I assume he would do the same, but neither of us could say accurately what the other one has. I doubt if he knows how much our assets are either.

nokidshere · 09/02/2019 10:48

@notaniota sounds nice! Where do you live?

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 10:51

@nokidshere rep of Ireland we do have yearly property charge but it’s approx 300 once a year.

OP posts:
MaryBoBary · 09/02/2019 10:51

Posts like this are just stealth boasts.

“We just have so much spare cash that I have no idea what our incomings and outgoings are!! Hahaha!”.

vdbfamily · 09/02/2019 10:53

OP I think it is relatively normal for a couple who are trusting with a similar attitude towards money. My DH and I are both the same with money although ours both get paid into one account. I have a rough idea of what he does with it all. I got an early inheritance from my parents. We had a discussion re some for mortgage, some for work on house, some for big family holiday and some for savings. Then I left him to it. If you ask me now what I earn I have to think whether it is £34,000 or £44, 000 and my husband has always earned within a few grand of me but neither of us are particular bothered about finances. And now I am going to have to google the NHS pay scales to remind myself of my salary...no kidding...

Deadbudgie · 09/02/2019 10:53

Tbh I know a ball park figure for DH his finances are his and mine mine. We just kind of muddle along he will pay for somethingsill pay for others. Big joint purchases and we will just pay half each. I find it bizarre married couples need to have access to each other’s financials. You surely just ask whether u can both afford things

OldGrinch · 09/02/2019 10:54

You may not consider yourself loaded OP but you are obviously in a very fortunate place financially. Mortgage almost paid off in your early 30s and a trust fund for your DC? Most people of your age couldn't dream of such things.

turncloak · 09/02/2019 10:57

I guess this is how some men are able to pay for hotel rooms and restaurants (or even entire other families!) without their spouse knowing.

So many posters on this thread are bleating on and on about how "odd" it is when married couples have seperate finances. I do have the sneaking suspicion that a lot of this joint account stuff because they're worried about something like this happening, nothing do with with this "family money" guff.

nokidshere · 09/02/2019 11:01

. I find it bizarre married couples need to have access to each other’s financials. You surely just ask whether u can both afford things

We don't need to ask since we both know how much is available. I find it more bizarre that a couple goes out to dinner and ask who is paying this time.

Stickerrocks · 09/02/2019 11:02

I guess this is how some men are able to pay for hotel rooms and restaurants (or even entire other families!) without their spouse knowing. I'm going away on a short cruise later this year with someone else. DH has no idea how much I'm paying and has no reason to know. He does know where we are going and that I'm treating his cousin though!

Stickerrocks · 09/02/2019 11:11

Those saying just check his bank statements or pay slips, we don't get paper pay slips anymore. I have never looked at his bank statements and I assume he has never looked at mine. That's the equivalent of looking at each other's texts and emails and would be a breach of trust to me.

YouBumder · 09/02/2019 11:35

I do have the sneaking suspicion that a lot of this joint account stuff because they're worried about something like this happening, nothing do with with this "family money" guff.

Nope, not here.

You can justify it how you like but completely separate finances when you have shared financial responsibilities (and things like a joint mortgage etc are joint responsibilities regardless of who pays for it from their salary or account) is IMO unwise to say the least.

Again not saying this applies to anyone here but this is how financial abuse can take hold.

YouBumder · 09/02/2019 11:37

I have never looked at his bank statements and I assume he has never looked at mine. That's the equivalent of looking at each other's texts and emails and would be a breach of trust to me

Why don’t you trust each other to tell each other what your income and outgoings are?

Stickerrocks · 09/02/2019 11:42

As I said, we share the info each year when we complete our tax returns, but we have no need to know on a monthly basis. More than enough money goes into our joint account to pay the bills each month and after that it's irrelevant how much we both earn. That's probably because we have similar levels of income, so neither of us is dependent on the other for anything relating to finance.

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 11:59

I suppose it’s all relative and different set ups work for different ppl and families

OP posts:
Stickerrocks · 09/02/2019 12:04

notaniota I think it is down to how secure you are financially. If you are having to account for every penny, it obviously makes sense to share all details of your finances, because It's crucial to understand your income & expenditure. If you are in a different position, as you are and I am, it's far less relevant.

turncloak · 09/02/2019 12:10

@YouBumder
Can you explain why it's unwise to have seperate accounts? I'm not being facetious by the way, I am genuinely interested.
Personally, I can see some benefit of having a joint account (it keeps things a bit simpler maybe?) but also drawbacks (no privacy when it comes to buying presents for the other person, the risk that someone has access to the majority of your money and could at any point just decide to abscond with it all!) I can't think of any drawbacks to having seperate accounts at all, as long as both people in the relationship have similar attitides to money and are both on a fairly level playing field, money wise.

Original poster
notaniota · 09/02/2019 12:20

I think the most important things is not the actual physicality of where the money is but the mentality of it all!!as in you can have separate accounts and still view the money as family money!as I said sometimes when I go shopping I pick up my card and sometimes I use DH’s...it’s all the one

OP posts:
hatethinkingofusernames · 09/02/2019 12:28

My DH is a specialist dentist so he dosent have a set monthly wage it differs each month but I know roughly