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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not know his wage?!

270 replies

notaniota · 08/02/2019 22:55

A few threads on here have got me thinking, I have no idea what DH earns pm! I know his salary (give or take) but couldn’t tell you how much he gets paid and I don’t look at his pay slips ever!! Is this that odd?? Anyone else?? 😂

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 09/02/2019 08:13

I only have a vague notion of what DH earns. No idea what his take home wage is. It goes into a joint account but I don't use that account. I have money in a different joint account which I use and which DH never uses.

Original poster

notaniota · 09/02/2019 08:29

@shazkiwi
We don’t have any debt (mortgage is nearly paid off (possibly another 3-4years)
retirement I just assumed i would retire at retirement age 60ish (I love my job so I have no intention of giving up unnecessary) kids tertiary education -we are lucky that GP’s have set up a trustfund for them
buying a car - we own both cars outright, they work so we have no intentions of changing them etc
spare cash - usually goes towards the mortgage/savings

OP posts:

topcat2014 · 09/02/2019 08:32

If you know the rough gross amount pa then that is fine.

I don't actually know (off the top of my head) what my gross salary is - and I run the payroll!

If you are not having to budget/restrict etc, then it's not a problem.

If, however, £2k was coming in to the joint account and you felt he was earning £5k and you didn't know where the rest went that would be another ting.

Gina2012 · 09/02/2019 08:33

it is strange isn’t it!!🙈🙈

What's strange is that you don't ask

Original poster

notaniota · 09/02/2019 08:38

@Gina2012 he literally just woke up and I asked
Hey, what’s your income per month?
His answer....I don’t know why??
😂😂😂
Me: ballpark
Him: €??
Me: I’m gonna check later

OP posts:

TearingUpMyHeart · 09/02/2019 08:40

Just keep one eye on the 'what if we separated' ball. Eg would he walk away with all the savings leaving you with all the debt? Otherwise, it's a bit airhead for me but it seems to work for you both.

OhTheRoses · 09/02/2019 08:40

OP I have never known exactly either. I have always had my own money too and he's never been concerned about it. Separate accounts.

I suspect it's because we are both sensible with money, loyal, loving, mutually put the family first.

Money was never an issue because we always had enough for what we wanted with some left over.

Gina2012 · 09/02/2019 08:41

He doesn't know his MI?

Then check his bank statements or wage slip?

I don't really understand this at all

CherryPavlova · 09/02/2019 08:41

2019Dancerz. I understand that but I don’t ever use credit (aka debt) and can’t imagine I’ll ever need a credit rating now. We have one tucked away credit card for when we’re abroad in case of some dire medical emergency but even that’s not really likely to be needed because we have good travel insurance.
I know people say they can buy things they’d not otherwise afford because of credit but overall things cost more and they create debt and misery whilst the financial sector multinationals roll happily in the muck others debt generates. Much better to miss a holiday for a year and save for the following year.

PositiveVibez · 09/02/2019 08:48

I have my own money and don't have to justify anything

We have joint finances and I don't have to 'justify' anything I buy either. If we want something, we buy it for ourselves.

OP, I have to say, your overuse of emoji's is a tad annoying.

I don't understand the point of this thread at all.

OhTheRoses · 09/02/2019 08:48

Gina I have never felt the need to check my dh's bank statements. In any event his annual earnings are often not clear until the end of the following year when all bills have been paid and costs deducted.

OhTheRoses · 09/02/2019 08:50

Oh and I meant to add, I don't expect him to check mine either. He might stop the housekeeping if he realised what I'm now on

Girlsnightin · 09/02/2019 08:50

If you don't know what's coming in, and by default, what is going out, how do you know how much you can spend?

Are you in debt, overdrawn? How much savings? In who's name?

Do you have access to all bank statements as they would tell you the info you ask here.

I find this an incredibly passive if not naive approach to family finances.

OhTheRoses · 09/02/2019 08:54

girlsnight your post assumes a need to spend up to what comes in rather than what you need to spend.

X comes into my bank account, y goes out automatically into costs and savings, z is what I have for spends. The variable is y.

For dh the variable was x (self employed); costs had to be covered from last years earnings/capital, spends were steady because x was variable.

YouBumder · 09/02/2019 08:57

I take the view that we are married and a family and our money is family money not ours individually. Everything goes into the joint account and all bills etc go from there although I do have a separate savings account. This is my family’s security and the roof over our heads and damn sure I’ll know every penny that’s coming in and going out and making sure it’s all covered and paid for. I love and trust my husband but there’s no way I’d be happy to sit back and just let him pay all the bills without the facility to check it for myself by viewing bank statements etc.

Bluntness100 · 09/02/2019 09:03

But surprised by this. I know what my husband earns, he knows what I earn, we both know how much savings the other has and our daughter knows it all about both of us and we know about her. We have separate accounts and a joint account for joint expenses and we've always been open with each other as a family unit.

Original poster

notaniota · 09/02/2019 09:07

@YouBumder if you RTFT I actually physically pay the bills myself. A few bills are DD. But the rest I pay as they come in. So I don’t just sit back and let him do it all.

OP posts:

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones · 09/02/2019 09:10

I know exactly how much DH and I get paid per month. I doubt he has any idea though. He knows his gross salary obviously but wouldn't have a clue how much actually goes into the bank (we only have joint account) as I'm in charge of the money and he's never been curious enough to ask/ look. He knows how much we have in our savings and that's it.

Aridane · 09/02/2019 09:11

I think if you live well within your income and both earn similar amounts it’s pretty normal

Agree

Lauren83 · 09/02/2019 09:15

I only know roughly what DP earns, he has savings and shares that I don't know what they amount to but he accrued them before we met so I have never asked and he has never said

AmIAWeed · 09/02/2019 09:15

I haven't a clue what my husband earns. It's more than me.
We split the bills in a way were happy with, he covers cars etc. Sometimes there's a big purchase and I say it's his call as he's paying - I have lots of debt from starting my business and not adjusting my spending accordingly and he has been there, come out the other side debt free so whilst most my money goes on paying off that debt, he covers the fun stuff. Works for us and that's all that matters

Original poster

notaniota · 09/02/2019 09:18

I can see we are clearly not the only ones so don’t feel to bad now. But I think I will look into this weekend.

OP posts:

Girlsnightin · 09/02/2019 09:18

OhTheRoses the OP said she could guess but could be between 2-3k out. That's a large delta in terms of what's available to spend OR save.

PurplePepperEater · 09/02/2019 09:20

You’re obviously loaded and don’t need to think about money at all
Unstealthiest stealth boast ever

Original poster

notaniota · 09/02/2019 09:23

@PurplePepperEater not loaded just not big spenders.

OP posts:

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