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AIBU?

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Original poster

Asking friend to return maternity clothes

739 replies

CakeCrumbs88 · 08/02/2019 16:36

Last year a good friend of mine was pregnant with her first DC, so I gave her a load of maternity clothes; the good pieces e.g. Isabella Olivier trousers, Seraphine dresses, a lovely woollen maternity coat, rather than my washed out Primark leggings with holes.

I’m now pregnant with DC3, and she with DC2. During one WhatsApp chat I said “let me know when would be good for me to pop in and collect my pregnancy clothes, can’t believe how soon I need them with number three!”

She responded “um, pretty taken aback you’d ask me that. I’m pregnant too and you gave them to me”

I’m stunned. Surely I’m NOT unreasonable??

By way of comparison, a friend of mine gave me load of her baby’s clothes and toys when I had DC1 but when she was pregnant with her DC2 at the same time as me, I arranged to return her belongings, even though of course I could have made use of them. It didn’t occur to me not to!

FWIW, I intend to insist, but would rather get some views first to try to understand where she is coming from.

OP posts:
Calzone · 08/02/2019 16:38

I think if you gave them to her they belong to her.....

If you lent them to her then she should return them.

I would be miffed with you.

HaulingFreight · 08/02/2019 16:39

I think it all depends on what was said when the clothes was handed over. If you said you would lend them to her, then she is being unreasonable. If you said, here have these, then I think it wasn't clear that the clothes had to be returned

userschmoozer · 08/02/2019 16:39

I would have made it clear at the time if they were a loan or a gift.
It sounds like she has no intentions of returning them, so is this worth falling out over?

Jeezoh · 08/02/2019 16:39

You say you gave them to her, rather than lent them to her so I’m not surprised she’s surprised.

LoniceraJaponica · 08/02/2019 16:39

Did you specify when you gave them to her that you wanted them back?

RoastOx · 08/02/2019 16:40

Did you say "here you can borrow these until I need them again"

or

" you can have these, I dont need them anymore"

Big difference.

I wouldn't have been so assumptive either. I would have worded it as "Hey is there any chance I could have those maternity clothes back, etc etc"

OrcinusOrca · 08/02/2019 16:40

If someone offered to lend me clothes I'd say no thanks. I'd be worried about damaging them, I always seem to snag myself on nails and things. If I was offered them as a gift or they were passed onto me I would accept, as I wouldn't need to worry about them so much. If it wasn't clear you expected them back I don't think you can be surprised by her reaction.

MatildaTheCat · 08/02/2019 16:40

What Calzonne said.

Were you clear that you’d need them back if you had another dc? Your wording in your OP says you gave them to her. So they are now hers.

EyeOfTheTigger · 08/02/2019 16:40

Did you make it clear to your friend at the outset that the clothes were on loan and you'd want them back at some point? At the beginning of your post you say you 'gave' your friend the maternity clothes. This indicates you were passing them on and didn't necessarily require them to be returned.

onedaytomorrow · 08/02/2019 16:40

It definitely sounds like your friend thought you gave them to her. And if that's the case I wouldn't expect them back.

CaffeineBomb · 08/02/2019 16:41

As above did you give them or lend them. I understand why you want them but if you gave them to her she may not even have some of them anymore!

If they were lent you should absolutely get them back!

CalmdownJanet · 08/02/2019 16:41

Just at text back "No I loaned them to you, you hardly thought I was going to go out and buy more while you enjoyed the ones I previously paid for? "

Assuming you did loan them and not give them to her? Although either way I would have offered them back to you if I was her

BIgBagofJelly · 08/02/2019 16:41

Did you say you might want them back? If I were her I'd definitely give them back to you since she got them for free in the first place but if she thought they were a gift then I guess she has some claim to them.

Belmo · 08/02/2019 16:41

Did you make it clear it was a loan and not a gift? I’ll only accept second hand things if it’s a no strings gift, as I don’t want the responsibility of not losing/ruining them etc.

Bigonesmallone3 · 08/02/2019 16:41

It really does depend on whether they were gifted to her or she was allowed to borrow them..

However if I was her for the sake of a friendship I would give them back..

ithinkimbeingsilly · 08/02/2019 16:41

Were you clear at the time you were lending them to her or did you make it sound like a gift?
Either way if I was her I'd give them back now rather than look like a CF

Greyhound22 · 08/02/2019 16:41

YABU

You gave them to her. You can't then bagsy them back. Did you tell her they were 'on loan' until you were pregnant again or did you say 'here have these so you don't have to wear holey Primark leggings'?

Especially as she is also pregnant I wouldn't even dream of asking for them back.

Maybe if she had finished having kids and you were pregnant you could say 'I don't suppose you kept those clothes I gave you?' but under the circumstances I think you the unreasonable one sorry. You need to make it very clear if you are giving someone something or lending it them.

Auntiepatricia · 08/02/2019 16:41

Ooooh, that’s a tricky one. Did you lend them or give them to her?

Abitlost2015 · 08/02/2019 16:41

This happened to me. When I was pregnant a friend “gave me” maternity clothes, they never mentioned they were actually on loan and over a year later asked for them back. By then I didn’t know where half of them were and some I had already passed on to other friends. I felt they should have not given them to me or they would have made it clear it was a loan (and I would have declined) so YABVVVVVVU

Sarcelle · 08/02/2019 16:42

You need to buy your own clothes. Your ex clothes are now hers. You gave them to her.

Narya · 08/02/2019 16:43

Were you clear when you handed them over that it was a loan? I received 2 lots of maternity clothes from friends, one said they were for keeps and the other said she'd like hers back when I was done with them. Tbh I'd assume they were a gift unless you'd said otherwise at the time.

Also even if you were clear they were on loan, it's a bit mean to ask for them back while she's still pregnant. You shouldn't really have lent them out if there was a chance you'd need them back before she was finished with them.

Rezie · 08/02/2019 16:44

Echoing others. Did you give them or loan them?

rackhampearl · 08/02/2019 16:44

You gave them to her. I think your message was cheeky and I would have been surprised also.

moreismore · 08/02/2019 16:45

I would have expected to return them to you.

LagunaBubbles · 08/02/2019 16:47

If you have her the clothes why are you stunned she said no when you asked for them back? By the sounds of it it wasn't a loan of them.

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