Asking friend to return maternity clothes

[CakeCrumbs88]

Last year a good friend of mine was pregnant with her first DC, so I gave her a load of maternity clothes; the good pieces e.g. Isabella Olivier trousers, Seraphine dresses, a lovely woollen maternity coat, rather than my washed out Primark leggings with holes.

I’m now pregnant with DC3, and she with DC2. During one WhatsApp chat I said “let me know when would be good for me to pop in and collect my pregnancy clothes, can’t believe how soon I need them with number three!”

She responded “um, pretty taken aback you’d ask me that. I’m pregnant too and you gave them to me”

I’m stunned. Surely I’m NOT unreasonable??

By way of comparison, a friend of mine gave me load of her baby’s clothes and toys when I had DC1 but when she was pregnant with her DC2 at the same time as me, I arranged to return her belongings, even though of course I could have made use of them. It didn’t occur to me not to!

FWIW, I intend to insist, but would rather get some views first to try to understand where she is coming from.

OP, I've read TWFT and I think UNBU . Saying "here you go, I am not using this AT THE MOMENT" to me obviously means "have it while you need it but I'll be likely to ask for it back later". Not sure how it can be that much misconstrued?
A few people on this thread are so judgemental and outright rude - Bluntness, Reanimated for example what's with the bleating on, you're simply stupid, etc, etc"? "I've honestly never encountered these bizarre people who ask for gifts or donations back except for on this thread" - perhaps my English comprehension might be suffering a bit? How can you interpret use this for the moment as a gift or donation? I've been both a borrower and a lender (or giver and taker) and every time I'd ask if they'd expect the item(s) back - same in reverse. When I've felt that a lend item was taking too much space, etc - I'd simply say that I can't use it anymore so do they want it back or shall I dispose of it in some way. From my understanding, it's only been a couple of months since your friend potentially didn't need the clothes anymore (she seems to have got pregnant with DC2 quickly?). Plus, looks like she was aware that you were trying for DC3 so it was only a matter of time before you needed it back. If she had problems storing the clothes she could've simply ask what YOU wanted to do. It seems you're good friends, so hopefully the misunderstanding will be resolved soon. Please let us know how it goes!

PS. I also understood I gave her as I handed over without explicit stipulation of a"a gift" as such.

I'd probably assume if someone gave me mat clothes after having 2 dc that they were done having babies, and this is why they were getting rid of baby stuff. If I thought otherwise I wouldn't accept it because I couldn't promise to be able to keep track of it all - when you're pregnant IME everyone comes out if he woodwork to dump their old shite on you and who wants the responsibility of remembering whose is whose?

I had a friend who tried to offload several bin bags' of baby and maternity stuff on me, as she didn't have room to store it. But she went through it all saying, 'this one you can have, but this one I might want back if I have another baby. But only if I have another boy. Though if I have a girl I might want it back for sentimental reasons. This one you can feel free to chick, but this one is quite special to me, so take good care of it,' etc etc. Fuck that, I wasn't going to let her hoard into my loft, and keep some complex spreadsheet of everything she may want again in however many years' time under the right conditions. Neither a borrower nor a lender be!

To me anyway maternity clothes are always loaned.

Its like if a friend was going to a wedding and you give her a dress to wear. Its just for that purpose. She cant keep it when the wedding is over!
Its the same thing.
I would give them back when no longer pregnant, especially if the friend is pregnant again.

Did she know you were ttc OP?

I've only read the first and last pages so maybe you've responded OP, but I think it very much depends on if you gave her the clothes or if you made it extremely clear that it was a loan. Did you say "here, would you like to borrow my maternity clothes for this baby? Just a warning though, we're planning to try for another in the future so I will need them back after the baby's born". Have you mentioned the clothes at all between her having her last baby and you getting pregnant again? The fact that she's kept the clothes suggests she was also planning on trying for another and in all likelihood she's probably started wearing them again. I guess it rather depends how well your friendship is and whether you want to get into an argument over this.

Okay @thinkingaboutthinking19 you say ”If she did decide to have a third child I would offer her the clothes back as even though they were 100% a gift“
Exactly how long are you going to keep these clothes? Just in case she decides to have a 3rd child!
So 5 years down the line, you have kept them, with them cluttering up your house (just in case!), and you realise you’re pregnant again (hurrah you still have those clothes), however your friend finds out she is expecting another baby as well and despite her saying to you that they are yours, and you have kept them safely, you will offer her them back??
Would you like to look after some of my clothes that are cluttering up my wardrobe too, just in case I do manage to lose that 2 stones I need to?
Don’t be so silly, she said she doesn’t want them back but you are going to keep them for her just in case she changes her mind!

I still feel that they should have been requested back after they were no longer being used the forst time by OP if she wanted them back. To be literally requesting the clothes of her currently pregnant friend because she is now also pregnant, still doesn't sit well for me.

Play my tune - sorry I wasn't clearer. I will keep the clothes until we have had all the kids we want and before I dispose of them (unless of course the are beyond wearing) then I will double check with her that she is happy I donate them etc.

All I was trying to say was that I wouldn't get rid of them without making sure she didn't want them back...and giving her a final option - I would hate to just throw or donate them and then she announce an unexpected pregnancy a few weeks later and want the clothes back.

I hope that clarifies what I meant - no I certainly won't be clogging up my wardrobe with them for 5years - I hope to be back to normal clothes ling before then 🤞🏻

@Playmytune sorry didn't manage to tag you in my last comment!

Could you share them?

I think YABU for asking for them back (unless you'd clearly stated you were lending them to her until you her another) but if I was her I'd have given them back out of sheer social embarrassment and then privately thought of you as weird forever for asking.

What happened OP did you get them back ?

@StormySunshine

Totally agree with your post- and the observation that there was quite a bit of judgement & rudeness about asking for the clothes back

Hope OP got it sorted with her friend in the end