Asking friend to return maternity clothes

[CakeCrumbs88]

Last year a good friend of mine was pregnant with her first DC, so I gave her a load of maternity clothes; the good pieces e.g. Isabella Olivier trousers, Seraphine dresses, a lovely woollen maternity coat, rather than my washed out Primark leggings with holes.

I’m now pregnant with DC3, and she with DC2. During one WhatsApp chat I said “let me know when would be good for me to pop in and collect my pregnancy clothes, can’t believe how soon I need them with number three!”

She responded “um, pretty taken aback you’d ask me that. I’m pregnant too and you gave them to me”

I’m stunned. Surely I’m NOT unreasonable??

By way of comparison, a friend of mine gave me load of her baby’s clothes and toys when I had DC1 but when she was pregnant with her DC2 at the same time as me, I arranged to return her belongings, even though of course I could have made use of them. It didn’t occur to me not to!

FWIW, I intend to insist, but would rather get some views first to try to understand where she is coming from.

Yeah, if you weren't explicit that it was a loan then I think YABU. Presumably she has been storing them for the past however long since she had her first baby without you asking for them back. If it was a loan, I would have expected you to ask for them back after she gave birth.

I’d of been very taken aback if I was your friend.

I would have expected to return them after my pregnancy. Maternity clothes (especially such good pieces) have very little use, therefore I was always happy to lend them to friends but I couldn't have justified replacing them for each pregnancy. I only invested as I planned multiple pregnancies.

As other posters have said, it entirely depends on what you said when you handed then over. Unless you said it was just a loan until you needed them again, YABU

Seriously? I’m amazed she didn’t hand them back straight away. Whatever you said when you originally gave them to her, you are pregnant and you bought them.

I think a quick message back saying “I’m really glad you got use out of them last time, and having number 3 wasn’t a definite for us, but as I am pregnant I’d like my clothes back. Sorry that it’s bad timing in terms of your number 2. Happy for you to borrow the odd outfit for specific occasions if helpful. Will be round next week to collect”

Simple. Direct. She can’t wangle out of it without looking bad but also not rude so you should be able to retain friendship.

What was said when you gave them to her? Gift or loan?

Interesting responses, thank you

On whether it was a gift or a loan, it wasn’t really specified, more “ I’m not wearing these at the moment , so here you go”

Most people seem to think I ought to buy a new maternity wardrobe. I really don’t want to!

Yep, depends if you gave them to her or loaned them to her. What did you tell her at the time?

I agree it does depend to a certain extent on what was said at the time, loan or gift etc. But at the same time, if I was your friend, I’d be feeling under an immense obligation to say something like “do you need any of that pregnancy stuff you gave me back as you’re now pregnant too, lovely good friend?”

(And hope you’d say no don’t be silly).

What did you say? I'd expect to return them once no longer pregnant, but several friends all pass around our baby clothes so nobody expects to keep them unless they get sentimental over an outfit or two.

Cross posted, as you said at the moment I would definitely have expected to return them to you.

I'm not wearing these at the moment implies but I may in the future. I would ask for them again.

In gobsmacked that a friend gave you toys then you returned them when she was pregnant! Who returns toys?!

I'm*

Tricky. I would have probably just given them back if I was your friend.

I would assume I was borrowing them until it was clear you were not going to be pregnant again. Very rude if she wears them when you are pregnant in my opinion

I think if it was vague then neither of you are at fault. Given that you are both pregnant, it would be nice if she gave at least some of them back. I would ask again, explaining that you realise it wasn't clear that it was a loan not a gift but you can't afford to buy lots of new clothes so there are a couple of items you would like back. If she still says no, well you'll have to decide if it's worth falling out over.

You've given them away, you'll have to buy yourself more.

It's very odd to ask for a gift back.

Do you know for sure your friend still has the pieces? Maybe she assumed ownership and has since passed them on to another pregnant friend. If you insist on their return it could become very embarrassing if she no longer has them. They sound like nicer 'going out' items, so if she has them maybe suggest sharing them?

If you knew that you wanted more kids, why didn't you collect them after she'd had her first?

This is why I am cautious about accepting helpful gifts. The idea of someone popping up 2 years later demanding stuff back that I have probably passed on by then is horrifying.

so I gave her a load of maternity clothes

Then YABU to ask for them back.

I think if you do as you plan, and insist on taking them back, you will lose your friendship over this.

In your first post you said you 'gave' them to her. It's a bit woolier in your second post but it does sound like you did approach it as though it was a gift. I don't blame her for not giving them back

YABU

A gift is a gift.

I had a friend who came over with bags and bags of baby clothes. All well and good until she announced she’d be wanting them back. I got really stressed with the idea that somehow I’d have to remember what was hers and what was mine and also try not to ruin her stuff that actually I put it all in a bin bag and never used any of it and then eventually said thanks this was all really handy and returned it.