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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sick of people wishing for a small baby?

249 replies

Bigonesmallone3 · 05/02/2019 08:00

I'm around a lot of pregnant people at the moment, me being one of them at 20 weeks and it really grinds my gears when these silly people wish for an early/small baby..
I find it a very shallow and naive comment considering it could be dangerous..
My last baby was monitored daily and eventually induced through small bump (lack of water) and slowed growth..
Maybe that's why I gets to me I don't know, or when you see these poor babies that have been born early through no fault of there own and struggle!
AIBU to be irked by this?

OP posts:
Villanellenovella · 05/02/2019 08:01

Yes they sound like idiots

Seline · 05/02/2019 08:02

It's annoying. My twins were 2lb4 and one dropped to 1lb8. These people have no idea what "small babies" actually need to survive and just imagine a cute little baby not a skinny wrinkled baby on a ventilator where their skin is see through.

I had 26 weekers OP so I get it.

FenellaMaxwell · 05/02/2019 08:02

I have never even heard of this. But I don’t think anyone wishing for a potentially less damaged vagina is being unreasonable!

Original poster
Bigonesmallone3 · 05/02/2019 08:03

A less damaged vagina is more important than a healthy baby?

OP posts:
mummymeister · 05/02/2019 08:04

No of course you aren't. I have never heard of women actively wanting early or small babies except of course when you get to about 36 weeks and you would quite like it all to be over. We all have different experiences and these colour our judgement. you have had the worry of a small baby so you are more sensitive to these comments. you just have to ignore them and shrug your shoulders when they are made. Don't engage with them, it will only upset you. try not to worry yourself that this pregnancy will be the same as the last because chances are it wont. half way there - good luck with your new baby (when he/she arrives!)

ETanny · 05/02/2019 08:04

Are you sure people just aren't wishing for a gigantic 14lb whopper at birth and not for their baby to be born early?

BendingSpoons · 05/02/2019 08:04

YANBU, they don't realise what they are wishing for. DD was born at 41 weeks and was 8lb2. Whilst the end of pregnancy was uncomfortable, I will always be grateful she was healthy, fed well and generally had no major issues. I know it's not a given, but it must be more likely with later births.

Villanellenovella · 05/02/2019 08:05

Big babies don't always equate to a damaged vagina!

Banjax · 05/02/2019 08:05

My babies were 11lbs and I was delightd that they were so robust - surely most people feel the same way?

raviolidreaming · 05/02/2019 08:06

I have never even heard of this. But I don’t think anyone wishing for a potentially less damaged vagina is being unreasonable

^ yep!

RiddleyW · 05/02/2019 08:06

I’ve never heard anyone do this - is it multiple people or just one strange individual?

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 05/02/2019 08:06

Erm I really don't think people who say this mean they want premie twins. They mean like 6-7 lbs rather than 9-10 lbs.

That's fair enough imo.

My three were 6.15, 4.15 and 3.12 (the last 2 being slightly prem twins). My friend had a 9.10 baby and needs physio and surgery. I am glad mine were not that big!

CantWaitToRetire · 05/02/2019 08:06

When they wish for small, they're probably meaning they don't want a 9lb/10lb baby, not wishing for a 3lb preemie, but I can see why the comments irk you. In their heads they probably think it will be an easier birth if they have a small baby. My DDs were 6lb3oz and 6lb7oz respectively, but I can confirm it still hurts like hell pushing them out Grin.

LEMtheoriginal · 05/02/2019 08:06

I pushed out a 9.5 pounder with no pain relief and no stitches! Blush

ToffeePennie · 05/02/2019 08:07

This is beyond ridiculous. Are these ladies aware that a “bigger” baby is actually easier to birth? They sound very selfish.

Drogosnextwife · 05/02/2019 08:08

Well I really doubt they are wishing for a baby that is so premature it's under 3lbs. They probably mean they are hoping for a baby that is maybe 6lbs instead of 10lbs like my second child. People think it makes a difference but it doesn't really. It's a bit naive to think people mean they want an baby with complications.

Guineapiglet345 · 05/02/2019 08:08

I knew someone who smoked throughout her pregnancy because the midwife told her the baby would be small if she continued smoking (I assume the midwife meant it as a warning, not a recommendation!)

Birdsgottafly · 05/02/2019 08:10

"But I don’t think anyone wishing for a potentially less damaged vagina is being unreasonable!"

The damage done at birth isn't related to the size of the Baby, though. Unless the Baby is dangerously small.

I've only heard early said, as in, 38 weeks.

However my Nigerian friend thought it was usual to restrict your diet in the last trimester, to make the Baby smaller. That's what the Women around her did, in Nigeria.

So unless a Woman is told, she may not know the risks.

NoParticularPattern · 05/02/2019 08:10

I don’t think people are necessarily wishing for a really tiny baby, just not a giant 14lb+ record breaker perhaps. There’s a lot of women in the world who are pressured into c sections or other interventions based on the belief that their babies were going to be “too big to come out naturally”. Whilst I don’t doubt that there are some rare cases of this being true, I think people read about them and worry unnecessarily. YANBU to think they’re BU to want a really tiny baby, but I think it’s more likely that they’re just scared of having some sort of giant record breaking baby rather than them actively wanting a really, truly tiny baby.

Dyrne · 05/02/2019 08:11

Well it depends, really - for me, I used to consider an 8lb baby to be really small; as I have zero experience with babies, and my brother and I were over 10lbs so that skewed my thoughts a little bit!

I’m 100% sure they're not actively wishing for a poorly baby, OP, but I can understand why you feel the way you do given your background.

FenellaMaxwell · 05/02/2019 08:11

Bigonesmallone3 but people who say things like that AREN’T wishing for an unhealthy baby. They are just thinking how nice it would be to have a 7lb baby rather than squeeze 10lbs out of their nether regions. And that’s perfectly reasonable!

LL83 · 05/02/2019 08:11

Nobody is wishing for a premature baby, see the intention in what is being said. i.e. "I hope I don't have a big baby which may result in a more difficult labour"

Mintychoc1 · 05/02/2019 08:11

A midwife I know has come across women who have taken up smoking in pregnancy’s specifically to have a small baby. Madness

EdtheBear · 05/02/2019 08:12

I doubt anybody is wishing for a prem baby on a ventilator.

People who wish for small are most likely thinking full-term 6-7lb, not a 10lber that other women go Shock at the thought of pushing out and think of damage to the their vagina/ pelvic floor.

Maybe the next time somebody says it ask them to clarify how small / big they'd like.

SovietKitsch · 05/02/2019 08:12

I always thought a bigger baby was easier to push out - gravity helping and all that...it’s head size that counts anyway and position and the shape of your pelvis...yeah, YANBU they are talking potentially offensive rot.

My 9lb was the fastest and caused the least damage of all mine - not even a graze

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