To be sick of people wishing for a small baby?

[Bigonesmallone3]

I'm around a lot of pregnant people at the moment, me being one of them at 20 weeks and it really grinds my gears when these silly people wish for an early/small baby..
I find it a very shallow and naive comment considering it could be dangerous..
My last baby was monitored daily and eventually induced through small bump (lack of water) and slowed growth..
Maybe that's why I gets to me I don't know, or when you see these poor babies that have been born early through no fault of there own and struggle!
AIBU to be irked by this?

You’re being purposely over sensitive and offended.
Just because people want a small baby doesn’t mean they want a poorly baby. Just one that doesn’t tear them up!

My little girl was born 8.7lb after being told she was 10lb + I was just relieved she was born healthy. Nothing but issues since but I’ll take that over her safety any day!

My first baby was 9lb and my second baby was 10lb 5 ounces, I had more stitches with the lighter first baby than I did the second heavier baby!

Your vision of a small baby may be very small compared to others. For example mine were both 8lb 1 so to me my friends 6lb 7 baby was tiny to her sister whos baby was early she was big

I’m sure they don’t mean sick or premature babies, just something not too huge? My girl was estimated at about 8lb at term, but was nearly 10 when she finally arrived (via emergency c section ) two weeks later. If she had been born on time or a week or 2 early it possibly would have been easier for me and not at all detrimental to her!

I will say I was disgusted when someone told me she was “so glad” she’d smoked through her pregnancy because her baby was only 6lbs 😒 that was awful and selfish of her!

I can't imagine anyone wanting that. I have heard people saying, "I hope its not too big / 6-7 lbs would be nice" etc not that any of us have a choice! I was told my 1st was 8lbs and she was 9.7 and the second one was 9.3 a week early! It makes no difference either way!

The size of the baby isn't necessarily an indication of how your labour will go. My sister's first two weighed I think 6 or 7 something and then 9. She said the second one hurt less. A woman I cared for had a baby weighing 4 lbs 13 oz (term; knot in the cord; baby came out screaming and was fine, just small). This was her second baby and she said it was just as painful as her first who was average size.

I think it's extremely insensitive for these people to be saying these (throw away) comments around you but you know when they say "small baby" they don't mean a 2lb premmie.

My DS1 was a 2lb 3oz 27 weeker. I know full well how dangerous it is, and the issues that can follow. It didn't stop me wanting my horrific second pregnancy to be over at around 37 weeks, and to panic and hope the consultant was wrong when he kept oohing and saying they should maybe refer me for a section as DS2 was so huge. (luckily, baby was a very reasonable 8lb 8oz although at 16 months is now sharing clothes with his petite 6 year old brother!).

People generally don't mean anything by it.

I have to say, I had an horrendous labour and dreadful birth injuries from my small baby. My big 9.5 lb baby was easy in comparison (and born 13 years later!), no birth injuries, pain relief or stitches. It means nothing at the end of the day...we all just want to have healthy babies surely?

Yes this really grinds my gears
I had a prem baby at 29 weeks - and now struggling to get pregnant again

Some people don’t know how lucky they are

Oh, come on, you know they just mean a full-term baby on the smaller side of average. To me a small baby is around 7lbs, like DS1, my smallest baby. Funnily enough he was the hardest labour compared to my 9lb+ and 8lb+ babies.

People can wish for what they like- the fact that it annoys you is your problem not theirs. The only one with something to address in the scenario you describe is you.

My DC were 3lb1oz,4lb & my super sized boy managed all of 4lb 2oz,all by csection at 38 weeks !! I spent months shitting myself...never been so scared hourly drip feeds,prem clothes too big,picking up an illness that's before you even get them home XX small baby!!! I would have rather had a vagina like a mangled cauliflower than risk my babies...I would have loved a good 7 lb baby XX must say on the upside of csections...a doddle😉

When I was pregnant there was a trend of women starting smoking in an effort to have smaller babies and also lying about reduced movements because our area has a “4 lots of reduced movements and you get induced” rule. Sometimes it’s a fear that a big baby will hurt more but I unfortunately know a couple of people, who as OP said want a small baby because they’re “cuter”. I was told a bigger baby is usually easier because they have more force behind them as they come down the birth canal!
I had to listen to a women explaining to I assume a friend/family that she’d managed to convince the hospital that baby wasn’t moving because she wanted her baby before Christmas! I told a midwife who said that they know that women do this but can’t send them home just in case something goes wrong!

Small babies can still damage your vagina!! Mine were both (separate times) around the 5lb mark at 38 weeks and needed an epiesiotomy both times and ventouse. I still have the scars. Cause was not the size of the baby but the fact my cervix is tilted and they got stuck. The first would have been born in the car or even at home had it not been for the tilt though as they were still very very short labours being delivered with help within 45 minutes of arriving st the hospital which was about an hour after waters going and being 0cm and apparently not in labour. Both without pain relief too due to the speed and god did it hurt.

also lying about reduced movements because our area has a “4 lots of reduced movements and you get induced” rule.

Wow, I find that quite shocking. But then I was due to be induced at 40 weeks due to repeated incidents of reduced movement and I was terrified of the induction and really wanted to avoid it but was too scared of something happening to the baby to consider declining it (in the end I went into natural labour at 39 weeks). Most women I knew saw induction as a horrible option and the main reason to be praying not to go overdue.

All 3 of my babies were born slightly early at 6lbs 1.5oz, 6lbs 4oz & 6lbs 7oz. I'm only small myself so I think anything bigger would have ruined me permanently! I understand people not wanting big babies because I was scared at the thought of a big baby.....however, I had so many tests & scans because they didn't think my babies were growing properly because they were small that the additional stress was awful. I know it's swings & roundabouts for everyone but I'd have rather had a predicted average sized baby so all the tests wernt necessary. I agree though, a healthy baby is worth more than a vaugely messed up vagina!

The long and the short of it honey, is that they're wishing an easy birth on you.
Don't make it about something else in your head.

@FenellaMaxwell

I have never even heard of this. But I don’t think anyone wishing for a potentially less damaged vagina is being unreasonable!

What an ignorant thing to say. Is a less
Damaged vagina more important than a healthy baby? I have a baby who was born at 24 weeks, weighing 1lb1oz, who has had serious health complications.
I also have a son, born at 39 weeks for whom I required and episiotomy. I can tell you now I'd take ten episiotomy's and large babies over giving birth to a VERY small 1lb baby with serious problems!

People should be careful they wish for, stop being so vein and get some perspective!! Having an early or premature baby is not something to wish for. This makes me furious!

@questabellatreetop I’m sorry for your experience but I sincerely doubt it’s vanity. It’s fear. I have significant health problems following my son’s birth. Wishing for that not to happen doesn’t seem any less legitimate to me than wishing for the baby not to have health problems from the birth.

RTFT @questabellatreetop

questabellatreetop , I had one that was in NICU for several months. I think it’s entirely possible for people to wish that they have healthy babies AND don’t have mangled innards due to childbirth. I don’t think it has to be an either/or competition.

I already had severe birth injuries from a previous child. I knew the risk of premature delivery was high with one due to certain aspects. They needed to be born a certain weight in order to have life saving surgery they would need at birth. Did I wish like fuck they would be born at a certain gestation making the required weight more likely AND that I did not suffer further injury (although how much worse it could have become was debatable). You betcha.