To be sick of people wishing for a small baby?

[Bigonesmallone3]

I'm around a lot of pregnant people at the moment, me being one of them at 20 weeks and it really grinds my gears when these silly people wish for an early/small baby..
I find it a very shallow and naive comment considering it could be dangerous..
My last baby was monitored daily and eventually induced through small bump (lack of water) and slowed growth..
Maybe that's why I gets to me I don't know, or when you see these poor babies that have been born early through no fault of there own and struggle!
AIBU to be irked by this?

I had a healthy 6.13 girl at 38+4 with my first- was I unreasonable to want similar with my second? That's 25th centile so well within normal range.

Given she got a bit stuck, I was induced at a similar point with my second who was starting to measure off the scale big and turned out to be 8lbs.

Don't think it's unreasonable to want lower end of normal assuming you and DH are not tall...

My 6lb 1oz DS was not an easy birth at all and caused my nether regions many more issues than my 7lb 11oz DD.

I think people think “lower birth weight = easier birth” which obviously isn’t always true

I was a small baby and total wrecked DM by trying to come out shoulder first

I wouldn't consider 7lb small, my eldest non prem was 7lb something and he was pretty big in my opinion. I suppose if you've had a 10lb baby he'd appear small!

These people have never wished for a premature baby nor a small baby for an easy labour..
It's shallow reasons like the clothes will last longer, they will be a baby for longer, it's cuter..

Be grateful for a healthy baby weight is completely irrelevant

I pushed out a 9 pounder and got a fourth degree tear followed by a year of physio and discomfort.
Gravity did not help me lol

The main challenge I had with my big (9lb2) girl was breastfeeding with a c-section (not planned!) I was very jealous of other mums casually supporting their little bitty 6 pounders on one elbow, able to use the other hand to guide the breast/rearrange cushions/drink water, whereas as a novice mum and breastfeeder I was struggling with both hands to hold my big girl to my breast in a way that didn't have her resting on my tender wound. Funny, as they get bigger your ability to bear their weight seems to improve, but in the early weeks she seemed shockingly heavy! And people at baby groups didn't seem to realise how new she was (and how new I was to mothering!) and had expectations accordingly which could be hard. She just seemed mammoth compared to the other little babies of the same age!

But later on I met a lady with a baby born at 12lb so consider myself to have got off lightly

My baby was 11lb. I did feel a bit cheated not to have had the 'teeny newborn squishy cuddles' so many people had promised me. He also needed physio input as his feet were so twisted from being so squashed. Meh, I'd have liked to have had him at term instead of +12.

They sound like self centered idiots... Why on earth would you wish for that?! Potentially damaging and life threatening, they're probably the people who still smoke and drink throughout pregnancy as well.

YANBU. Our maternity unit has had to display posters stating "your baby grows better inside you" because of the number of women demanding early inductions for no sensible reason.

It's shallow reasons like the clothes will last longer, they will be a baby for longer, it's cuter..

Er, what? How is a small baby 'a baby for longer'? Don't small ones (which isn't necessarily the same thing as low birth weight - DS was born on 10th centile but shot up to 70th and stayed there) often start moving earlier because it's easier for them?

NoParticularPattern, what evidence do you have that obstetricians are pressuring women to have unnecessary Caesarian sections for large babies they could have delivered vaginally?
The ones I worked with only did this for actual cephalopelvic disproportion.
I’m sure the women OP mentions don’t want undersized or premature babies, but are keen to avoid obese babies with future health problems, or avoid delivery complications from a possible 12 pounder!

I hear you jax just pointing out what rubbish it all is! Hope you’re alright now

I will say Bigonesmallone while I appreciate you have a personal perspective on this you do come across a bit sanctimonious. People can want what they like for what reasons they have, as long as they're not doing anything contraindicated to engender this result all the wittering in the world won't hurt their baby or have any effect on its size. Just stop spending time with these people if you dislike them so much!!

My first baby was 9.8 lbs. (I am a slim size 8). She was born by EMCS. I must admit, second time round I did wish for a smaller one for my VBAC birth, but I was hoping a pound or so smaller, not wishing for a premature baby. I kind of got my wish - DC2 was 4oz smaller!

I don't think a baby can be obese.

They might be in for a shock if they think a smaller baby will be less painful/equal no long term issues with their vagina. A friend of mine had a 6lber after a 28 hour labour, ventouse and forceps. The poor baby looked like he’d been in a fight and my friend was in a terrible state as well.

My 9lb+ baby required me to have an episiotomy (which was horrible) and an 11 hour labour but thankfully no other medical assistance and no pain relief. Other DC was just over 6lbs and no problems with the birth other than he arrived a little too fast (one push!) but I got the worst heartburn during the 3rd trimester and hardly slept. Not saying that was caused by his smaller birthweight, just that a smaller baby doesn’t equal no issues.

A midwife I know has come across women who have taken up smoking in pregnancy’s specifically to have a small baby. Madness

They explicitly said that this doesn't work on the page on smoking on pregnancy in my antenatal notes - which shocked me because if they have to say that then it suggests that people smoking for this reason is not uncommon

When I was in hospital (not having DD, kidney issues just before) there was a woman bragging a couple of beds over that her baby had been small because she 'smoked all the way through' like it was an achievement. That annoys me. People who express a wish to not birth a gigantic baby not so much. I can see your point, DD Measured small all the way along and it was a worry.

@SovietKitsch thanks I am lucky I am 99% normal again and 35 weeks pregnant so can't have been too traumatised

And also, anything re pregnancy and women's expressed feelings about it which are anything other than "#soblessed" being countered with 'be grateful' just seems misogyistic to me and gets my back up. Never mind your foof is torn to shreds/youjust had major surgery, be grateful (to whom?) that you have a healthy baby. Never mind that you're exhausted, in pain, struggling, JUST BE GRATEFUL THAT YOU HAVE A HEALTHY BABY.

No, sorry. Unless you are a God-botherer gratitude is not relevant. And I very much doubt there are many mothers who need reminding to be happy their baby is well. But that doesn't mean they can't also have negative experiences and feelings and express them, from birth trauma all the way down to 'God this kid is costing me an arm and a leg in babygrows'. No-one has to listen who doesn't like it.

Ridiculous. When i had DD she was a small baby 5.14lb everyone commented on her size how dainty , then I had DS he was 9lb and above 99.99 centile, he grew and grew.
I got so many compliments for my tiny baby and more shocked faces that my new born DS was in 6-9 month clothing.
It is probably small talk fearing a big baby will hurt, my big baby was easy he came in 30 mins.

Isn't it the size of the head that counts, isn't that the first and worst bit, and isn't it related to whatever size baby is? Unless fathead is a thing

I had my first 3 weeks early at 6lb and a fast labour (3 hours), and a few stitches. I was on the ward overnight as I was a first time mum, and other mums babies ranged from 8-10.4lb. So my baby looked teeny! The next day they brought up a young mum who was 16, so had been through a 52 hour labour according to mum (but I think that was from finding she was 1cm dilated, not actually in full blown labour!). Her baby was 4lb and in SCBU, and she was torn to bits, with so many stitches.

So the smallest baby out of our ward, and the one with the most problems physically from giving birth and a poorly baby on top.
🤷🏻‍♀️ I hope they just mean they’d like you to have one and not a 12lber, rather than a super tiny one.

@Missingstreetlife

But big babies would tend to have big heads...?