To be sick of people wishing for a small baby?

[Bigonesmallone3]

I'm around a lot of pregnant people at the moment, me being one of them at 20 weeks and it really grinds my gears when these silly people wish for an early/small baby..
I find it a very shallow and naive comment considering it could be dangerous..
My last baby was monitored daily and eventually induced through small bump (lack of water) and slowed growth..
Maybe that's why I gets to me I don't know, or when you see these poor babies that have been born early through no fault of there own and struggle!
AIBU to be irked by this?

Oh stop being so dramatic. People are just talking shit, like people always talk shit. None of them want a sick, unwell, dying baby. So get off your mortally offended high horse and let people expecting the unknown shoot the breeze about stuff they are only learning about.

This drove me crazy even before my baby was born 5 weeks early. He wasn't tiny thank goodness and so far is doing ok but we won't know until later.

I know one woman who purposely smoked throughout her 3 pregnancies so she would have small babies and she's obese herself!

People like that drive me bananas.

You’re being very oversensitive. Just exactly how many people are making a huge point of saying “oh I hope it’s a really small baby that comes really early” ? I’m fairly certain that’s not what they’re saying at all. They’re not wishing ill on your baby, just the optimum outcome for you both. It’s a thing people say as in they hope it’s not a 12 pounder and your pregnancy isn’t dragged out until 2 weeks after your due date because no one wants that!
My first was a 3.5 lb preemie, with my second I was also monitored for an early arrival (as it turned out I went over and he was 8lbs ) people didn’t know this and had forgotten or weren’t aware of what happened with my first and just mouthed the same platitudes they’d say to any pregnant woman. Honestly I understand your anxiety but it’s not meant in malice.

I had an 8lber at 42+1, I'm kind of hoping DC2 is similar or bigger, but only so I don't have to buy any new clothes for them... (Still have all of DS's old clothes). But, really, that's minor and I'll settle for a happy healthy birth, whatever size.

I had two 10lb and one 8lb - my vagina is fine!

Not rtft but after having numerous third degree tears with a six pound premature baby , yes I would wish for something smaller exiting my vagina. No one is wishing for a premie, but desperately hoping for less damage and fewer permanent medical issues is perfectly rational. And a smaller baby often means less risk of damage. My babies were 11-12 pounds at 6 months, can’t imagine birthing that!

I’ve never head people wishing for a small baby as such as opposed to hoping it’s not a 10lber.

What also bugs me is the inference that a smaller baby is easier to deliver/less painful/results in less damage. My first baby was only 6lb 10oz (was overdue too) and was born with his hand over his face so caused quite a mess on the way out

@Bigonesmallone3 I wouldn't take it too literally, I'm sure they mean 6/7lbs over a 8/9lb baby!

No one wants to push out a big baby Likewise no mother wants a too small baby that could be in danger!

As someone who is 5 foot tall and (yes not accurate 100% I know!!) being told that my baby will be between 10-11lbs at birth I am definitely wishing for a smaller baby.

Of course all that matters is it's healthy; doesn't mean I wouldn't much prefer a 7.5 pounder.

No one wishes for 2lb preemies.

DD was 5.5lbs and I needed post-natal surgery to fix a double prolapse, so small babies don't equal less vaginal damage. In fact, big babies are often long babies not wide.

People who say they want a small baby are possibly unaware that damage can be caused no matter the size.

@Bigonesmallone3 I had similar to you with my DS, although 21 years ago now. Ppl kept saying "oh lovely, he'll fly out" (that was one of the obstetricians. I was worried about him, not the state of my fanny! He was just on 2.5kg at 38 weeks (induced then emergency C).

Yes. Idiots. For all the reasons you describe.

Also makes no sense.

It makes very little difference to whether childbirth is more or less painful anyway. Alot of the pain is in the contractions and those don't differ by birth weight, although they can be more intense following induction.

Any additional pain in the pushing stage, or chances of intervention, are more to do with the size of head /shoulders than overall weight so again their logic is flawed.

I’ve always been told that a bigger baby is easier to birth than a smaller one - more weight for gravity to act on.
But as others have said, I highly doubt they are wishing for a prem baby or a baby that’s very small because of a problem just the smaller end of normal - ie 6/7lbs.
Having said that though, I did read something a while ago about stupid teenagers in America getting pregnant and then starting smoking for the first time ever, because of the chance of stunted growth in the foetus

I would wish for a bigger baby as I'm sure they sleep better- bigger tummies!

YANBU I knew girls at my school who were smoking through pregnancy to have smaller babies.

My DS was 11lbs, he was a long baby and is a 6ft 3in adult. It wasn't exactly a breeze but I was just fine and fwiw my fanjo made a full recovery

It's sad really and completely indicative of our society where women have been told that their biggest fear for their body should be a vagina that isn't tight. Just another way of frightening women in allowing them to believe that a man's dick is the most important thing going.

Gunpowder I doubt most women are worried about a tight fanjo; they're probably more concerned about actual problems like incontinence and prolapse.

It’s pretty standard that expectant mothers fear birthing a large baby I think! But as many have pointed out, it’s completely unfounded, I can personally attest that it’s head size that matters having birthed 2 average weight babies with 99.6th centile head circumferences at birth and the resultant 2 x 3rd degree tears.

Head circumference isn’t linked to weight particularly, clearly a baby with a larger head will weigh more but it’s the shape of the skull that matters rather than fat around it.

Shortly after I had my first DC I bumped into an old school friend in a supermarket and when I told her how much he weighed (10lbs) she ‘jokingly’ said she would starve her baby to avoid that and that it would end up malnourished . I also recall a woman saying she would smoke throughout to create a small baby... so yes, people like this sadly exist.

I had three big babies, one smaller (8 lbs 5) but they’re all healthy, happy and fairly average sized now. Plus my vagina is fine .

I don't mind what size my baby comes out at, as long as they're term and healthy. I'm shit at pushing and will need intervention anyway so doesn't really matter to me!

Doesn't carrying a heavier baby put more pressure on the pelvic floor during pregnancy? My placenta was also huge with my babies and the weight of both together didn't do me any favours and then having 3 pregnancies in 5 years also didn't help. Even tho my second 2 were sections the weight still affected my continence.

I genuinely used to think the stories about women smoking during pregnancy to damage their child's growth were made up by the Daily Mail or something! I'm pretty shocked by this thread.

Wow i thought you would be meaning people like me with older kids getting broody over newborns.

Wishing for an actual small or early baby is nuts!

It's not unreasonable to wish for a normal/average size full term baby rather than a 12 pounder that gives you 4th degree tears.

It is VVVU to wish for a premature baby because you want a "cute" "small" baby.