To be sick of people wishing for a small baby?

[Bigonesmallone3]

I'm around a lot of pregnant people at the moment, me being one of them at 20 weeks and it really grinds my gears when these silly people wish for an early/small baby..
I find it a very shallow and naive comment considering it could be dangerous..
My last baby was monitored daily and eventually induced through small bump (lack of water) and slowed growth..
Maybe that's why I gets to me I don't know, or when you see these poor babies that have been born early through no fault of there own and struggle!
AIBU to be irked by this?

Where I am people seem to be having a weird competition over who can have the biggest baby 🙄 my first was 8"4 and everyone said how "good" that was for someone my size and how I'd "done well" to have such a big baby. Made no sense to me. People thought I was mad when I said I'd hoped my 2nd would be a little smaller, my first didn't fit into her pretty newborn stuff and I wanted 2nd to wear it, she was 7"12 and it fit!

Yanbu. When I had ds at 35 weeks people kept saying how lucky I was not going overdue. I've had 2 overdue babies and it was so much better than having my 35 week baby in the neonatal unit for 4 weeks. When I was pregnant with my youngest I kept getting comments about how I must be hoping for another early baby and I was getting "haven't you had that baby yet?" from 30 weeks pregnant.

I totally get where you're coming from OP but I think this is one of those scenarios where you mustn't take things people say too literally.

DS was 9.6lbs, 2 weeks late so induced, I ran out of time for an epidural and needed a fair bit of stitching up. I'm now 32 weeks with number 2 and measuring big so yes, it has been said that I'm hoping this one is smaller and I am honestly terrified of giving birth again. That doesn't mean I am hoping for an extremely premature and tiny baby and I have every sympathy for those who do - my sister had premature twin girls, so I do get it.

There is also the issue of carrying a larger baby around in late pregnancy, what with the weight of the baby plus all the fluid and other stuff. It is seriously hard work when you're that massive, god knows how I will cope with 30 month old DS if I'm as big as I was with him again!

Like I say I do get where you're coming from and I can understand why you'd feel that way if you've had a small baby. However I think this is just one of those things people say without meaning to cause offence but will touch a nerve for some people.

I can understand wanting a 7-8lber.

Personally, I loved having a big baby (10lb 14oz). He was so sturdy. When I see more normal-sized newborns I always think how delicate they look. My DD had been smaller (8lb 8oz) but still really strong and robust and alert.

My nethers were and are totally fine - I will admit that DS's size was a factor in my decision not to have a third DC, though, because I just felt I'd been so lucky in getting away with such a large baby unscathed and I didn't want to push that luck.

My first baby was prem and weighed less than 4lbs. I had people saying, "oh, I bet she popped out" No, it took twelve very painful hours and I couldn't have an epidural

*20 month old DS (fat fingers)

I want another small, but healthy baby. My biggest out of 4 was 6lb, so anything over 7lb seems like giving birth to a toddler.

On another note, I had to have an episiotomy to get my smallest out...

People say the most stupid things around childbirth. I'm heavily pregnant and people have been saying for some weeks (since I was 30 weeks or so!) that I must be fed up / wishing baby would get here now. I am fed up but even 36 weekers (I am 36+1 now) can have health problems, so I'm obviously happy to remain pregnant for another 6 weeks if that's what it takes. Take it with a pinch of salt, they're usually just jabbering to fill the void!

ofcourse this is a thing!! big babies in my circle are seen as a negative thing (all mine were big) my friend said she was going to take castor oil as she didnt want a big baby, she even advised me to!

When I told someone my baby was 10lbs she laughed and called me “bucket fanny” cant believe people didnt know that small babies are seen as “better” not premature ofcourse but 6-7 lbs

When I told someone my baby was 10lbs she laughed and called me “bucket fanny”

Oh my god! Does she have kids herself? She obviously knows nothing.

My friend who's a midwife, after me being scolded for eating too much crap and that I was at risk of developing gestational diabetes, told me 'you better take them serious as if you get that, you'll have a big baby and trust me, you don't want that'.
So yes, I would assume that smaller babies are easier to give birth to (basing that purely on the fact that she's a midwife).
As it turns out, she was a c-section, born at 38 + 2 and weighed 6lb 3.

My mother, told me I was lucky I smoked as I'd have a small baby.

So yes, it does seem to be a common theme discussed now that I think of it.

My little one was opposite an 11lber. That fella looked half reared compared to my wee tot.

she has one child but born at 6lbs. I think with a 10lber some people feel
like theyve given birth to a 3 month old (even the midwifes joked that I needed 3-6 months clothes, so they hoped I hadnt wasted too much money on smaller
sizes) for some it is about having a cute tiny newborn. I was taken back by the comment as it seemed so random and inappropriate!

How odd. Both of mine were 6.5 lbs and DC2 was less than 10th percentile at 20 weeks and I prayed for growth every single day.

My fanny is pristine as I had two sections but I’d never do that just to avoid labour - I wish they’d come out the front door to be honest.

Put it this way, do you want something 6lb coming out of your fanjo or something 12lb?
You're being overly sensitive as you've had a premature baby.

DD was 6lb 8oz, but her head circumference was on the 99th centile - I imagine that would cause a fair bit of damage coming out (born by ELCS, so didn't get the opportunity to wreck my vagina).

I've lived in the developing world, and women did restrict what they ate in the third trimester to avoid having big babies. But given the truly woeful maternity provision, it was an attempt to keep the mother alive. Every woman I asked had lost a child (not always as a baby), but for the family to lose the mother was deemed much worse. We can be very grateful we don't have to make that choice.

It's not black and white as a lot of factors can contribute to a bad vaginal birth and it's quite ignorant to assume small means easier.
I've known of a 5lb baby being born to a woman who needed 15 stitches!

I had gestational diabetes and a predicted massive baby (turned out to be bollocks, she was 7lbs 2) and while I would never wish for a premature baby, there was definitely a part of me that was relieved when they told me they were scheduling my section for 38 weeks.

I remember when I was pregnant with DC1 and was using nicotine replacement a couple of women said to me "oh, I didn't bother give up which was good because my baby was small and early"
Very, very odd. They were not friends, but associates and I no longer know them funnily enough. There evidence that smoking in pregnancy wasn't a problem being that there babies were small and early? Wtaf?

That said, I am very big this time and have said "I hope babies not giant"
My others were a good healthy weight but not gigantic so the idea of a 10/11lb baby does worry me, especially as I tore quite badly with both the others.

@Namestheyareachangin nope - head size is bone related not weight related. My biggest baby had the same size head as my smallest (9.5lb vs 5lb10 34 weeker) and my first (8lb10) had the biggest head by quite a degree. Also the difference between a 50th and 98th centile head is barely 2cm in circumference so a minute difference to crowning size. Position is much more important than head circumference

Biggest baby born fastest and with a barely there graze - whilst my experience is anecdotal “evidence”, size really doesn’t mean more vagina tearing.

Pregnant people? Don't you mean pregnant women?
Dad's to be are important too but ..

I know that big babies don't always damage the vagina or require intervention, but there is a correlation, and it is not hard to imagine why!

I would really like to avoid forceps since my average sized DS suffered a birth injury with his forceps delivery, so yes I am concerned that my second baby is measuring on the 95th percentile. It's not because I care more about my vagina than my baby. Although, some women who experience birth injuries go on to have life long incontinence or lose the ability to have sex, do people really think it is that selfish to care about avoiding significant maternal health problems? Of course those things don't happen to all women, but people don't have control over their fears and anxieties.

Although I can see why hearing someone complaining about a large but healthy baby would touch a nerve for someone who had had a preterm baby in the NICU, that is a seperate issue and it's not fair to expect other mothers to just shut up about their problems just because they are not as bad as your own.

I think there's a massive difference between genuinely wishing for a premature or dangerously small baby and (sometimes jokingly) saying that they hope they don't end up with a 10lb whopper!

IMO you are being vvv unreasonable.
You had some problems with a previous pregnancy, and probably wished that your baby had been born later and at a heavier weight.

Some women have babies that are large enough to cause issues like shoulder dystocia, which can lead to significant trauma during delivery for the baby and the mother. Sometimes leaving the baby with disabilities, and the mother with life changing damage to her pelvic floor.

I don’t see how this is any less traumatic than a small baby that’s arrived too early. It’s not a competition about who had it worst.

What I think people generally mean when they wish for a small baby is a baby that is as close to term as possible and manageable for them to deliver. To avoid the problems I have just mentioned.
Perhaps they should use the term manageable, or average rather than small, but it’s just a figure of speech.

The opposite would be me taking offence at someone wishing for a ‘chunky baby’ when I know the damage that a big baby can do. But I wouldn’t personalise it, I would just take it as they are wishing for a healthy baby, not necessarily a baby big enough to get their shoulder lodged in pelvis and tear away the pelvic floor. Chunky, like smaller, is just the terminology/language used.