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Original poster

to be upset that partner texts female friend continually

194 replies

thetenthofaugust · 04/02/2019 13:36

My partner of 9 months spends his free time texting his close friend.I cannot see anything sexual to be concerned about but their texts are filled with mutual declarations of respect, appreciation and love.They are very close and confide in eachother. He does not really message her when he is with me, only now and again.They work together every day so I cannot understand the need to be sharing memes and chats, deep and light chats, funny videos in the evenings and at weekends and during holidays. She is much older than him and is married so I am trying to figure out what is going on . He says its entirely platonic.Opinions ?Do any of you have any experience of this please?

OP posts:
MeredithGrey1 · 04/02/2019 13:47

texts are filled with mutual declarations of respect, appreciation and love

Normally I'd say things like this don't bother me, I have male friends I text frequently and would not appreciate being asked not to, but this bit above does make me question it a bit. What sort of things are they saying?

The fact that you've seen the texts (assuming you didn't sneak a look behind his back) makes it sound more innocuous though because otherwise I doubt he'd show you.

Original poster
thetenthofaugust · 04/02/2019 13:55

There is no sexual innuendo . He told her that he loves her, respects her, values her. That she is terribly strong . Loves her confidence. Admired her intelligence .funnest person he has ever met . Amazing mother . He did write once that she looked amazing also.it seems to me that he has her on a pedestal . She thanks him for the compliments .

OP posts:
Suziepoozie · 04/02/2019 14:18

It could be a touch of unrequited attraction but at the same time I think it’s quite nice he has a close female friend and can be open about his emotions.

Crunchymum · 04/02/2019 14:22

He isn't your partner after 9 months? Surely?

prettypossums · 04/02/2019 14:23

Sounds pretty inappropriate to me! If a male colleague was sending me flattering messages along those lines, I would be shutting down the non-work related communication pretty sharpish

Toptheginup · 04/02/2019 14:24

I wouldn't like this

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 04/02/2019 14:24

What he sends her sounds very inappropriate to me personally and I wouldn't be happy with that. Why is he sending her those?

I wouldn't be happy if a work colleague was sending either myself or my partner that.

shitholiday2018 · 04/02/2019 14:24

I text my male bezzy Constantly. It is a very special friendship which is so different from my female friends and so valuable as a result. He is gay, so no issues with jealousy. I’d hope that even if he wasn’t, my partner would understand. He has female friends he sees too. I jealous wither. It’s about trust.

It sounds like you don’t trust him. That’s far more worrying than the male to female friendship. I’m not saying you are wrong - you may be right to have concerns - but this sounds like it points more towards your own relationship than theirs.

Bungalowbeth · 04/02/2019 14:25

Oh give over, @crunchymum.

Not sure how I’d feel about it OP, but sounds like she’s been his friend a long time.

shitholiday2018 · 04/02/2019 14:25
  • I’m not jealous either.
lmusic87 · 04/02/2019 14:27

I really wouldn't like this. What does he say?

Crunchymum · 04/02/2019 14:28

@Bungalowbeth

It's a serious point. 9 months is not that long is it? And given the issues already arising, maybe this "partnership" isn't going to work????

Bungalowbeth · 04/02/2019 14:30

I was married after 7. Over ten years ago, still married.

So, on a different track, how is your relationship in other ways OP?

ChodeofChodeHall · 04/02/2019 14:32

Apart from the 9 months bit, you could have been talking about me! I am very close friends with a male colleague - I am older - and we often text in the evenings to make each other laugh. I'm sure people at work think we are having an affair but it's entirely platonic. My partner isn't threatened by this and neither is his!

How is the relationship, generally? Does he open up to you as well?

ChodeofChodeHall · 04/02/2019 14:33

'Not a partner after 9 months', what a twatty comment.

Original poster
thetenthofaugust · 04/02/2019 14:49

Relationship isnt great really. It’s slow to progress. We dont see eachother regularly as he needs a lot of his own space.i just think that there is something from shy about a pair of friends who see eachother all day, Continue to have such contact every single day!!!!! I saw him send her photos of a trip away that we had , in the middle of the activity we were doing ... thinking of you.. you would love this place....!!!!Surely that’s bizarre! I know they have great and deep talks and she makes him laugh like nobody else. What should I say to him? Can I ask him to stop?

OP posts:
Daffodil2018 · 04/02/2019 14:58

It sounds to me like he has a massive crush on her and she’s doing nothing to dissuade him. I’d ask him to stop. It’s so disrespectful to you!

waterrat · 04/02/2019 15:09

Blimey he sounds obsessed with her

lmusic87 · 04/02/2019 15:12

I would ask him about her and the texts.

Gruzinkerbell1 · 04/02/2019 15:13

He sounds in lust

CostanzaG · 04/02/2019 15:17

crunchymum what would you call it then. 9 months definitely says partner to me.

It sounds like he's got a bit of a crush on her tbh.

Lemoneeza · 04/02/2019 15:17

I would quit while you're behind tbh.

kindlyplay · 04/02/2019 15:20

He isn't your partner after 9 months? Surely?

I suppose my DH wasn't my DH after 3 then? Surely?

Hmm
Downtheroadfirstonleft · 04/02/2019 15:21

Could this be the public face of a sub/ Dom relationship? It seems v one sided.

Fiddie · 04/02/2019 15:27

Nah ditch him, he fancies her

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