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Original poster

to be upset that partner texts female friend continually

194 replies

thetenthofaugust · 04/02/2019 13:36

My partner of 9 months spends his free time texting his close friend.I cannot see anything sexual to be concerned about but their texts are filled with mutual declarations of respect, appreciation and love.They are very close and confide in eachother. He does not really message her when he is with me, only now and again.They work together every day so I cannot understand the need to be sharing memes and chats, deep and light chats, funny videos in the evenings and at weekends and during holidays. She is much older than him and is married so I am trying to figure out what is going on . He says its entirely platonic.Opinions ?Do any of you have any experience of this please?

OP posts:
Ella1980 · 05/02/2019 01:05

My fiance texts his ex-wife quite frequently. She's absolutely lovely and we get on well. We've all been over to hers quite a few times too with my boys and have met her partner who is equally lovely. The fact that she's now in a lesbian relationship probably does mean I feel a little less threatened 😊

LizzieSiddal · 05/02/2019 08:54

She likes it and encourages just enough.

You don’t know that. She’s mentioning her family and not responding in a similar vein to him. To me she sounds like she’s trying to tell him to stop but is too polite.

lmusic87 · 05/02/2019 09:25

Did you talk to him OP?

Original poster
thetenthofaugust · 05/02/2019 10:00

I have just read all the replies . Thanks . I looked back over his message history, which he does it even delete . It’s hewho startsthe messages. She responds to some of them and is polite. There was snitching sexual on either part. I am upset as so many think he is a creep but I think he has her very high on a pedestal for some reason. Her messages are based on her family, friends and work so I do not think it’s recuprocated if he is infatuated. He is very living and attentive and interested when he is with me so it seems that he sees this friendship or whatever it’s, as entirely separate although serious linesare being crossed from his end.ireallybelieve that he likes me but I thinkk that perhaps he likes her more but can never have her .i also wonder if he realises he is being so inappropriate . I have married siblings and I’m sure that they wouldnt likethis for themselves or for me.he can never have her but is always there to support her and compliment her etc. I saw a text from last night that told her how much heappreciatedherand cherished their friendship as she was upset in work last week and he ran to her rescue, for sure. Messaged her to tell her that he had been thinking of her all weekend amd how it made him sad to see her so sad . She said .. ‘thank you, you are kind.’

OP posts:
TabbyCat44 · 05/02/2019 10:06

Fuck that! Get out of there is my advice.

Delatron · 05/02/2019 11:11

It’s like he’s stalking her. She just humours him really. All this gushing over her and constantly thinking about her!

PregnantSea · 05/02/2019 11:49

Given the nature of the texts - "I admire you" "I love your confidence" "wish you were here", and the fact that they are so frequent- I would say that you are within your rights to be uncomfortable. I wouldn't like this at all.

Legumewaffle · 05/02/2019 11:50

Wow, that is way too much! And she probably feels weirded out by him too, but is too polite to say anything. It's the way I'd probably respond to him too as I'm a total wimp.

LizzieSiddal · 05/02/2019 11:57

Messaged her to tell her that he had been thinking of her all weekend amd how it made him sad to see her so sad . She said .. ‘thank you, you are kind.’

Bloody hell, he’s been thinking of her al weekend!! He’s obsessed with her whilst in a relationship with another person. How he doesn’t treatise this is a total no no, is a huge red flag.
You should tell him how inappropriate he is behaving and then tell him you are off.

Senioritafamiglia · 05/02/2019 12:22

Mind boggling and unbelievably inappropriate of both of them. Total lack of respect for his relationship with you. You are the person he should want that validation from and my goodness he seems to want a lot. 9 months in, early doors, massive red flag - I'd be jumping ship.

CantStopMeNow · 05/02/2019 12:29

He is attentive when he is with me but that is rare ... once or twice a week despite living near each other
So you don't have number 1 spot in his heart or life.
He's reserved that space for someone else - her.
He's CHOOSING to give his time and attention to another woman, you only get the scraps when he wants to get his leg over.

He fancies her but knows he has no chance with her.
He's 'moving on' by going through the motions of getting a gf etc - but his heart and his affections aren't really in it.

Don't let some guy treat you like second best OP....and don't be his back up option.

RedLife · 05/02/2019 12:36

My fiance texts his ex-wife quite frequently. She's absolutely lovely and we get on well. We've all been over to hers quite a few times too with my boys and have met her partner who is equally lovely. The fact that she's now in a lesbian relationship probably does mean I feel a little less threatened 😊

What's this got to do with the price of fish?

Completely different scenario

shitholiday2018 · 05/02/2019 12:37

Yeah,it’s harsh but he is just not that into you. It happens to us all! It’s hurtful but you are a filler inner while he tries to woo someone who doesn’t reciprocate his feelings.

I might be way off the mark but I’m guessing you are both very young. He sounds like he has something of a youthful crush and none of the wisdom needed to keep that to himself.

SauvignonMum · 05/02/2019 12:46

He's clearly infatuated with her.

I think she likes the attention, she's flattered, so is sort of being clever by keeping him at a safe distance by not returning the compliments and obsessiveness, but not shutting him down either.

I couldn't and wouldn't put up with this.

KellyanneConway · 05/02/2019 13:51

Sorry OP but given your examples of messages your DP seems either very young or a bit weird but either way, he's inappropriate. Her responses seem to be humouring him because he is a work colleague. Maybe it's because I'm not given to fawning myself but I were you I wouldn't have any respect for him after reading such fawning messages, unless she was doing something amazing at work like curing cancer or getting innocent people out of prison. "You're so amazing, I'm sad when you're sad etc..." it just makes me cringe.

user1471590586 · 05/02/2019 14:31

So on those nights he doesn't see you does he text you all of the time? Does he tell you that he admires you, or gives you compliments? I agree with everyone else, he is infatuated with her.

Original poster
thetenthofaugust · 05/02/2019 14:53

The nights that I dont see him, he does text and we have text conversations. I think that I boost his ego more than he boosts mine.He enjoys that very much.He doesnt really complement me like that,no.I think he likes me but he does not admire me but then, he only knows me a short amount of time.I often think that he might in fact feel sorry for me as I have a lot of past issues and I get the impression that he pities me and can sometimes be almost patronising. It is like I am talking about two separate men. He is in his early thirties.When I see him the next time, he will not be on his phone until Its time for bed and then he will check his messages and perhaps send a message?meme?video to his friend when Im in the bathroom or getting ready for bed.

OP posts:
FiveRedBricks · 05/02/2019 14:57

They're close friends. Stop being weird OP.

OhCustardPots · 05/02/2019 15:16

FiveRedBricks have you read the thread!?

This isn't a normal friendship. I wouldn't even speak to my female friends the way this guy talks to this woman.

lottielottielottie · 05/02/2019 15:39

OP.

He is so far up this woman's arse, talk about arse licking to the extreme. Im embarrassed for you reading all this. It's very weird. Any woman in the right frame of mind would just block him from contacting regardless of the fact they have to work together.

I'm just left thinking what the hell is wrong with this woman ( apart from lapping it up) and what the hell is wrong with your supposed beloved BF for not realising that this is totally inappropriate.

No way would I be the third person in this bloody bizzare relationship!!!!

Your BF is a weird creep.

This isn't normal!

AryaStarkWolf · 05/02/2019 16:09

He's clearly really into her, sounds like she may like the attention but is managing to keep a boundary line around herself too. I wonder does her DH know what kind of messages your DP sends her and if so what his thoughts on it are.

Regardless OP you deserve better than that, especially this early on in a reltionship

Dieu · 05/02/2019 16:10

I have a male friend I recently cut contact with, because of behaviour you've described. He had me on a pedestal, and I ended the friendship because it felt inappropriate and disrespectful to his wife (I'm single). He would also contact me to chat about his marital problems, which just wasn't right. I'm guessing that your partner would go ahead if she gave him the green light, as he sounds infatuated.
Sorry OP.

Travisandthemonkey · 05/02/2019 19:18

Just walk away. None of this sounds normal for 9 months in
Sort out your standards. Because yours are shockingly low

BasilFaulty · 05/02/2019 20:05

Messaged her to tell her that he had been thinking of her all weekend amd how it made him sad to see her so sad . She said .. ‘thank you, you are kind

Hahahahaha this is so cringe. That poor bloody woman.

What are you thinking OP? Flowers

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 05/02/2019 20:18

I'd be OK about the amount of texting and the fact she's a woman

I wouldn't be OK with the nature of things he's saying to her. Unless he's that over the top on compliments to everyone and is just very full on generally, he is basically saying she is perfect! Even people who love their partners don't really talk to or about each other like that in my experience

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