Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Original poster

Am i being unreasonable financially?

223 replies

Sadie74 · 03/02/2019 09:02

My OH moved in with me 11 years ago, into a house that I owned outright. We each pay half of all the bills and have separate accounts (both of us have had problems with previous partners abusing joint accounts). We had some building work done a few years ago which he contributed to. We worked out his contribution to the whole cost of the house is 10% of the value, so if we ever split up i would pay him 10% of the value of the house. I am happy with this, as is he. We have a child now as well. My family have offered us a big detached house to live in, while i will not technically own it, it is being left to me by my dad in his Will. I had a Will drawn up myself which was fully discussed with my OH, in which my current house will be left to my OH but the house from my dad will be left to my child, so that it is kept in the family. OH was happy with this as his main concern was he would be left without a home if i died. My intention is to rent out our current house when we move into the new house. The new house has been redecorated throughout, new kitchen etc. by my family however, there are a couple of things which we would like to change and a small bit of work to do still. These are put in gas central heating, a small bit of wood work and a different hob, oven in the kitchen, eventually we would like to redo the downstairs bathroom. My OH has said he doesn’t see why he should pay for half of any work, which he agrees needs done because the house will never be his. He has said if he does pay for anything he wants an increased percentage in the original house, which I’m not too happy about. It is written into my Will if i die before him although the house would go to our child, he can live in the house until he no longer wants to. He earns more money than i do and my family have helped us loads so I’m quite taken back by his attitude. He is more than happy to say what needs to be done etc but won’t help financially even though he is going to get to live in the house he has always wanted to live in. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:

Pashal2 · 05/02/2019 08:37

I don't understand. Why would he need a bigger percentage of the old house? If he will own it eventually, he already HAS a 100% stake in that home. Also, Don't listen to the daft charging him rent notion. If he's already paying for half all expenses ( I'm presuming that includes taxes) You already have rent. Why the rush and need for all these be construction projects?

Pashal2 · 05/02/2019 08:42

Oh, yeah, he's right. It's a huge investment into your vanity project. WTF do you need a hob for if you have a stove?!?.

Nevertellasole · 05/02/2019 08:46

Personally I would pay for the changes myself so he has no part in the new house.

I think you are sensible to do what you are going. Get the house how you want it but pay for it yourself and leave it to your son. And I would not give him life interest in the 2nd house; he will have the first house which is more than adequate.

Earthakitty · 05/02/2019 11:04

Why are you with him ? Your relationship seems to be nothing more than a business arrangement. You're not a team.You don't trust each other with money. When you're with someone and have a child together you should share everything. Otherwise you may as well just get a lodger.
I find this very sad.

manicmij · 05/02/2019 12:48

Charge rent. He is living with only minimal expenses with an interest in a property he contributed to by way of alterations. So basically he will get his money back plus interest if applicable. He is using the whole of the property with no rent. He could move into the bigger property with no rent. If he wants to see fairness he should expect to pay rent.

manicmij · 05/02/2019 12:53

You are right, can't dictate what will happen if the property title is not registered in a person's name.

manicmij · 05/02/2019 13:03

Sadie74 When you say you don't own the bigger house but you know you will on your DFs death, do you perhaps mean the property has been transferred to you "for love, favour and affection" with the proviso you will still allow your DF to live in it if he so choses until his death. If that is the case you can do what you like to the house but wouldn't ask DP to contribute as legally your DF could say he wanted to move in.

Motoko · 05/02/2019 13:11

@manicmij OP said she would be living in it, not her father. He lives elsewhere. The plan is that she will inherit it when her dad dies, but in the meantime, she will be living there.
It was pointed out to her, that it may have to be sold to pay for care home fees, even if it is left to her in her dad's will.

Also, she said she wasn't coming back to the thread.

SushiMonster · 05/02/2019 13:14

I’m all for keeping things separate, however I also wouldn’t spend money on capital improvements for a house I had no claim over if we split.

I think an increased % of house 1 is fIr if he contributes to improvements in house 2.

NoraEphronsneck · 05/02/2019 13:18

Surely any work carried out will benefit HIS child eventually anyway?

SushiMonster · 05/02/2019 13:23

Although I would not leave him 100% of house 1 in your will. Get that changed pronto.

Leave your child 100% less whatever your OH has as his invested % with a lifetime provision that ENDS if he remarries or moves in a new partner.

castielchace · 05/02/2019 13:46

@earthakitty well said,this isn't a marriage just a business arrangement!! Very sad x

caringcarer · 05/02/2019 14:18

You have been together 11 years and have a child together. If you were to split up your partner would be left with 10% of first house. Why would he want to contribute to building work on second house as it stands now if he does not contribute he gets 10% of first house but if he does contribute he still gets 10% of first house. Will he get half of the money from renting out first house or only 10%? You have made it clear he will never own any of second house so why should he want to contribute? You clearly so not trust your partner financially, that is what your post screams out to me. He may feel it too.

ShowMeTheKittens · 05/02/2019 15:35

Oh goodness, he is splitting hairs. He is ever so lucky actually! There is nothing worse than being left homeless... which he never will be, thanks to your kindness.
I think he hasn't appreciated that love cannot be measured in percentages.
I have had a similar situation... I won't go into details but my housemate/partner did not appreciate that any excess housekeeping was going into a savings account for US. He's pretty pleased now.

ShowMeTheKittens · 05/02/2019 15:37

PS. If you can afford the renovations just get on with them. But I think your partner sounds a bit venal. So sort it out.

lynxca16 · 05/02/2019 16:25

I would have concerns about moving into a house that isn't yours, although it is gifted to you in your father's will.
Don't want to be heartless but your Dad's will could change due to many circumstances: change in finances, relationships, health and just time - these things and others can and do happen.
Are you going to rent or lease the second house from Dad in the meantime?
Also can you will an asset that you don't already own?
My concerns would not be so much with your OH but to make things clear and straightforward for yourself and Dad for the future.

OopsInamechangedagain · 05/02/2019 16:55

"There is nothing worse than being left homeless... which he never will be, thanks to your kindness."

Kindness? They're married and have a child together FFS! I'd love to know how many women who marry a man who already has a house and raise a family there would consider him "kind" to let them live with him rent free

Missingstreetlife · 05/02/2019 17:09

Why is he leaving anything to a new wife? She might have her own house and kids. Why is he not leaving everything of yours to your child. If he has more children they can share. Cf. people don't think. A solicitor would explain all the implications

Motoko · 05/02/2019 17:21

I'd love to know how many women who marry a man who already has a house and raise a family there would consider him "kind" to let them live with him rent free

Exactly!

OnTheHop · 05/02/2019 19:36

“Why is he leaving anything to a new wife? She might have her own house and kids. Why is he not leaving everything of yours to your child”

So many men do this.
So many second wives do not, then, in turn leave the house/ money to their step children.

expat101 · 06/02/2019 02:44

Bang on OnTheHop, my SIL went through this after her Father died, even to the point of the Step Mother informing her Aunts and Uncles (who hardly spent any time with their Brother) that SIL wasn't officially adopted. Step Mother moved her ''new'' Partner in, within months of the Husband dying. She is now named in Partner's Will as being left his main town house!

sollyfromsurrey · 06/02/2019 12:41

Motoko it depends. If she is bringing up their children then she IS contributing. In the OPs scenario, he is living free in her property. He is spending his money on shiny things. He is gaining all the benefits. She is doing all the sharing. How can you not see that. If they were to split, he wouldn't be left with nothing, he would be left with all the savings money he squirrelled away from not having any housing costs. Oh. What was that you say? He has no savings? Why I ask? Because he spent it all on shiny things.

Biker47 · 06/02/2019 13:43

Sell your house, buy a new one together, both put in the same deposit (Say 10% each if you use the "equity" he's gained from improving it), then use the equity you have left to pay your half of the mortgage payment, while he pays the other half from his own savings/wages. Or arrange it differently, where you pay majority of the deposit and he takes care of the mortgage payment for the remainder of the term?

Couldn't imagine living like this tbh, short of you buying a new house together, nothing will change. I don't blame him for not wanting to contribute to a house he'll never have ownership of.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Swipe left for the next trending thread