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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am i being unreasonable financially?

223 replies

Sadie74 · 03/02/2019 09:02

My OH moved in with me 11 years ago, into a house that I owned outright. We each pay half of all the bills and have separate accounts (both of us have had problems with previous partners abusing joint accounts). We had some building work done a few years ago which he contributed to. We worked out his contribution to the whole cost of the house is 10% of the value, so if we ever split up i would pay him 10% of the value of the house. I am happy with this, as is he. We have a child now as well. My family have offered us a big detached house to live in, while i will not technically own it, it is being left to me by my dad in his Will. I had a Will drawn up myself which was fully discussed with my OH, in which my current house will be left to my OH but the house from my dad will be left to my child, so that it is kept in the family. OH was happy with this as his main concern was he would be left without a home if i died. My intention is to rent out our current house when we move into the new house. The new house has been redecorated throughout, new kitchen etc. by my family however, there are a couple of things which we would like to change and a small bit of work to do still. These are put in gas central heating, a small bit of wood work and a different hob, oven in the kitchen, eventually we would like to redo the downstairs bathroom. My OH has said he doesn’t see why he should pay for half of any work, which he agrees needs done because the house will never be his. He has said if he does pay for anything he wants an increased percentage in the original house, which I’m not too happy about. It is written into my Will if i die before him although the house would go to our child, he can live in the house until he no longer wants to. He earns more money than i do and my family have helped us loads so I’m quite taken back by his attitude. He is more than happy to say what needs to be done etc but won’t help financially even though he is going to get to live in the house he has always wanted to live in. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
dustyparadeground · 04/02/2019 17:41

I read the OP and it didn't seem they were married. So I think no wonder he wants to protect his interests and yes YABU. If I got it wrong and you are married then he needs to suck it up and pay his fair share. If you split up you'll either settle amicably or a judge will decide. If you die first he needs to know he's got the inheritance (if married) or protect himself if not. This is how you get made homeless!

peachdribble · 04/02/2019 18:02

I think you need to keep the 2 houses separate. You can only offer him a percentage of what you actually own, and if you urgently need him to invest a large amount of cash to do up the second house, then you could either treat it as a loan, or rent (in which case nothing legally changes) or you could offer him 10% of the rental income from your new business as a landlord...(actually I’d see a solicitor)

Iloveacurry · 04/02/2019 18:17

So if you were to die, and he did get remarried, then he was to die, are you happy with his plan to leave half of YOUR house to his new wife?

I certainly wouldn’t. The house should to left as whole to your child, if you and his father die surely?

Lellikelly26 · 04/02/2019 18:24

I think you are being unfair on him. You have a child and life together, why should he invest in it when you are so guarded. It sounds like you aren’t fully committed

WhatTheNightBrings · 04/02/2019 18:25

Haven't read the whole thread, but can someone clear something up for me? (If they actually know legally, not guesswork)
How can you write a will stating the future intent for a house (House 2) that you don't own?

Figgygal · 04/02/2019 18:36

11 years in, marriage and children and you still distrust him that much. It's so odd

Sara107 · 04/02/2019 18:39

I can see his point to some extent. He will be well looked after if you die as things stand. But, you can change your will at any time and if your relationship should fail he could be left with nothing except the 10% of the first house. How fair that would be depends on lots of things like how much each of you have contributed financially during the relationship- or non financially, for example has one of you taken a career backseat to look after the child allowing the other to focus on their career,

OopsInamechangedagain · 04/02/2019 18:39

I think OP has been deliberately misleading in her opening post by referring to her husband/father of their child as "OH." Who the hell in real life charges their spouse rent?

Bluelady · 04/02/2019 18:41

You can write a will that leaves your entire estate to your spouse - most people do - that will include house 2 when if and when It becomes OP's property.

Alexandra2018 · 04/02/2019 18:44

Will he be living there rent/mortgage free?

Middersweekly · 04/02/2019 18:49

@OP if you have been married for 10yrs plus, the law will split every asset 50/50 on divorce to ensure the housing needs of both parties are met. My mum was married for 20 years to some asshat who was completely financially inept and he’s just walked away after financial settlement with half the value of her property, owned solely by her. He never paid a bean into it. She funded all repairs and upkeep for 20+ years. They had no children together. Regardless of what your Will states, if you divorce he will get 50% of everything!

MadMadaMim · 04/02/2019 18:50

If he's going to be living there - regardless of marriage status, ownership status, rent or not rent etc - he should pay for any work which need doing. He lives there too as does his child

I don't get all the ppl saying OP is BU.
Personally, I think giiving him 10% of the house OP ow ed was extremely generous. Its her house that she had BEFORE she married and, again he lives there RENT FREE.

If he wants to get on the property ladder, he should stop buying 'shiny things' and do what the rest of us have to do.

Sounds like an accomplished CF to me Grin

Motoko · 04/02/2019 19:30

I live in my husband's house RENT FREE. Who charges their spouse rent?

Reallyevilmuffin · 04/02/2019 19:39

I think if you were posting this from your DH pov you would get a lot of YANBU answers. I owned my own 4 bed before I met my partner. She has debt so she has less than nothing. With being together and 5 years I view everything as equal, and wouldn't be fair if it wasn't as she isn't able to earn due to our kids.

Atthebottomofthegarden · 04/02/2019 19:41

I’m confused by this assumption that if they divorce he is entitled to 50% of a property he has made a 10% contribution to?

And surely if you hold the property as tenants in common you can split it however you like and it does not automatically get left to the other party?

Original poster
Sadie74 · 04/02/2019 20:16

Hi Again,

I had no idea (having never posted on here before) just how many comments there would be. I wasn’t trying to mislead anyone by using OH to describe my husband, i wasn’t sure what to use so please don’t read anything into it. I am also not offended by anyone’s comments (well mostly not😁). I have taken everybody’s comments on board and will be seeking further legal and financial advice in order to make sure all is fair and everyone is as happy as is possible. I won’t be posting again on this thread again but i do thank you all for your input. X

OP posts:
GreasyFryUp · 04/02/2019 20:20

You pay for all of the changes to the new house as you will be the one financially benefitting from it eventually.

emmakc1977 · 04/02/2019 20:36

House 1 was a pre-acquired asset and might have been ring fenced on divorce if they had not lived in it as the matrimonial home. The matrimonial home has a special status and is subject to sharing. If/when house 2 is transferred to OP name that that too would be subject to sharing. Non matrimonial assets (such as inheritance, Pre-acquired assets, post separation assets are not subject to sharing at first blush but can be bought into the pot in needs cases (where there are not enough assets to house both parties). Dh will be entitled to 50% of house 1 as a starting point on divorce.

celticprincess · 04/02/2019 21:24

If I’m reading this right no one is paying a mortgage on house 1. OP owns it outright but the money invested buy DP gives him a % in the will. I’d hope this would be the same if you were to split. So although he’s living rent free he’s contributing as much to the house as the OP and has done for 12 years. Although in a divorce he’d be entitled to half unless you had a pre nup.

As for house 2. What’s stopping OP from taking his money to upgrade the extras on top of the £500 that needs doing. Suggested renovations are a few £k. The next year you split up for whatever reason. You will still have the house which he has invested in but he gets nothing. I can see you don’t own it yet but you would continue to get benefit from living in it. You need some kind of contract draw up for any investment in the new house, especially as neither own it yet so if divorcing next year then no entitlement to half unless your dad passed away. Especially if he’s contributing to bills and running of the house.

castielchace · 04/02/2019 21:52

10% for the first house in your will totals nothing in law if your married,he's been paying his share even if not to the mortgage..your kidding yourself he's definitely walking away with nearer half for a split & he would probably get alot more if you unfortunately died X my friend's dad bought her a house,all paid signed over to my friend,she gets married,moves in hubby,her will says it's solely hers & goes to her sister in the event of death..7 years later they divorce,he walks away with£170,000 she got the same..judge said half share,he had been paying day to day living costs as had she he had a genuine stake.

Blueink · 04/02/2019 22:29

Massive alarm bells, I wouldn’t trust him either based on his reactions. He paid nothing towards your mortgage and yet stands to inherit the whole property. YANBU. Suggest you leave your property 90/10, with the higher percentage to your child. He wants to spend money on “shiny things”, his interest is himself. Speaking about a future spouse is mind boggling. Doesn’t bode well for your child. I know at least one case where the partner married again and the children ended up with nothing. Your gut telling you something is off here is spot on. Get legal advice. Don’t rely on what will happen with your Dad’s property.

Bluelady · 04/02/2019 22:35

There was no mortgage.

MrDarcyWillBeMine · 04/02/2019 22:43

In the event of your death he would gain 90% value of your original home- so no idea why he’s complaining about contributing to the second home, which will go to his son, and which he will likely live in for a long time- FOR FREE!

If this is an issue I would say you think he’s right- things should be kept separate and therefore you shall be leaving the 90% stake in the original home AND the second home to your son. After all- why would you leave him something which isn’t his - when he won’t contribute to something because it ‘isn’t his’ 😆🙄

whitechocolatespaceegg · 04/02/2019 23:06

Yes. It's only money. You're married and have a child. This situation is so much more complicated than it needs to be.

expat101 · 05/02/2019 01:06

Looking at it in a reverse sort of way, if your Dad required nursing home/permanent hospital care/treatment later on in life, wouldn't the regulations look at this 2nd house as being his asset, therefore any improvements you make legally belong to him which might have to be sold to pay for his aged care? (not wanting you to answer that here, just to consider your positions from the angle). As your partner I would be very concerned as to where ''my'' money may end up should something untoward occur with your Dad.