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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am i being unreasonable financially?

223 replies

Sadie74 · 03/02/2019 09:02

My OH moved in with me 11 years ago, into a house that I owned outright. We each pay half of all the bills and have separate accounts (both of us have had problems with previous partners abusing joint accounts). We had some building work done a few years ago which he contributed to. We worked out his contribution to the whole cost of the house is 10% of the value, so if we ever split up i would pay him 10% of the value of the house. I am happy with this, as is he. We have a child now as well. My family have offered us a big detached house to live in, while i will not technically own it, it is being left to me by my dad in his Will. I had a Will drawn up myself which was fully discussed with my OH, in which my current house will be left to my OH but the house from my dad will be left to my child, so that it is kept in the family. OH was happy with this as his main concern was he would be left without a home if i died. My intention is to rent out our current house when we move into the new house. The new house has been redecorated throughout, new kitchen etc. by my family however, there are a couple of things which we would like to change and a small bit of work to do still. These are put in gas central heating, a small bit of wood work and a different hob, oven in the kitchen, eventually we would like to redo the downstairs bathroom. My OH has said he doesn’t see why he should pay for half of any work, which he agrees needs done because the house will never be his. He has said if he does pay for anything he wants an increased percentage in the original house, which I’m not too happy about. It is written into my Will if i die before him although the house would go to our child, he can live in the house until he no longer wants to. He earns more money than i do and my family have helped us loads so I’m quite taken back by his attitude. He is more than happy to say what needs to be done etc but won’t help financially even though he is going to get to live in the house he has always wanted to live in. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
spinn · 03/02/2019 10:00

It all sounds a bit of a mess tbh and dad has said he will give you thehouse when he dies etc but what if it has to be used to pay for care for your father or things go wrong financially for your dad and he has to sell? It isn't either of your house to upgrade. I'd be more worried about this than if my oh had a claim to it

I actually think you'd be better getting a tenancy agreement set up with your dad and both pay rent to dad for the house. Dad could then do the improvements you want with that money. Everyone is protected, you get a better house. Ok it doesn't give your oh a percentage of the house but at the moment neither of you technically have this house so it's all a moot point.

Original poster
Sadie74 · 03/02/2019 10:01

About £20,000 my ex ran up on credit cards.

OP posts:
OnTheHop · 03/02/2019 10:03

You needed to have said you are married in the OP.

If you divorce he could waltz off with 50%!of what you own anyways, so he might as well invest in it!

yoyo1234 · 03/02/2019 10:04

I would protect my DC. Why does the partner get all of the first house and a live time interest in the second property? Though there is nothing to say it will go to you in the end.
I would increase the partners percentage of the first property to reflect him paying the improvements on the second larger property.
I would leave property to DC as we have had a case in my family where the sole birth child of a landowner ( farm) did not get any of his father's property as the mother remarried and the new husband outlived her and left everything to his birth children. A farm that had been in the family for generations is lost.

TearingUpMyHeart · 03/02/2019 10:04

Yip. At the moment he keeps his cash and gets half your assets anyway. Win win for him, lose lose for you.

Loveatthefiveanddime · 03/02/2019 10:05

It all seems very complicated in respect of you splitting up. People have raised lots of 'what ifs..?' that would surely being best being discussed with a solicitor.
Would your OH be interested in a post-nup? My dp is a divorce lawyer to wealthy clients and I am sure he has talked about these.
Another thought - if your OH does not want to pay rent, could you encourage a different payment. So a regular monthly amount to a saving account for your child's university costs?

How much rent do you think you would get from house 1? Are you splitting that 90/10 or could you both agree to put that towards saving for renovations on house 2?

Mascarponeandwine · 03/02/2019 10:06

You both need to see a solicitor who specialises in trusts, to give you some solid legal advice. None of this leaving 50% to new spouses, all sounds legally airey fairy and prone to manipulation if you die first.

Loveatthefiveanddime · 03/02/2019 10:07

Another thought - calculate the amount that would be spent on house 2 as a percentage of the value of house 1 and increase his percentage by that much?

hallodarknessmyoldfriend · 03/02/2019 10:08

OP,

Are you aware that your agreement won't hold up in case of a divorce? He will get more than 10% of your first house.

Wonkypalmtree · 03/02/2019 10:10

Is house 2 definitely going to be yours? What about potential care home costs etc for your father?

Somethingsmellsnice · 03/02/2019 10:12

The reality is some of the things you say you want to spend on house 2 are for all of your quality of life. So even if you had a new bathroom now by the time it may happen say 20 years in the future it is dated and not added value.

Is your child not his child?

Yes on divorce anything you own goes into the pot and starts as 50:50 as mentioned above.

Snowmaggedon · 03/02/2019 10:12

I can see both sides but this is the problem when being so precise about in put.

supergrains · 03/02/2019 10:15

Why will house 2 never be yours? Sorry if this has already been answered.

Logistria · 03/02/2019 10:16

Either he doesn't understand how the life interests work or he's being cheeky.

Neither of you own the new house, neither of you are guaranteed to ever own it, neither of you have contributed capital towards it.

You're both going to live in it, and you are both going to do works on it. Both of you should therefore contribute.

Life interests are supposed to act as a safety net, for instance to protect a vulnerable loved one from losing their home if you die before them, they're not guarantees of a particular outcome.

Have you seen a financial adviser about the financial planning (including wills, trusts, tax and estates planning) covering this latest situation? This whole thing has got disaster written all over it.

CalmdownJanet · 03/02/2019 10:17

The mention of the new spouse getting 50% of house 1 would have me filing for divorce now and telling the using fucker to leave, see how much money he has for shiny things then

bistrotea · 03/02/2019 10:19

The mention of the new spouse getting 50% of house 1 would have me filing for divorce now and telling the using fucker to leave,

You should take your own user name advice.

The DH never said this at all. OP said...

if he marries again at that point he might make Will and leave thr first house 50/50 between our child and his new spouse.

IF and HE MIGHT.

CalmdownJanet · 03/02/2019 10:24

Course he is saying "might" the opposite is still alive, the fact he would even consider it given his attitude to money, the fact he would give 50% of my house to anyone other than his child would have alarm bells ringing in my ears, he's be gone, he's a total cocklodger

Calmdown14 · 03/02/2019 10:25

I think the problem with this arrangement is your husband is lacking the opportunity to make an investment of his own. If he ever had to start again, he's no chance of owning a house. Maybe if you want to keep hold of this house he should look at a rental investment of his own? Would family finances allow it? Your husband seems financially vulnerable in this situation. Is he likely to benefit from an inheritance at any point?

Cornishclio · 03/02/2019 10:25

I think on balance YANBU although I can see some flaws in your plan. If the house you will be living in is not in your name I do not see how you can bequeath it in your will to your child. It is not yours yet. Supposing your Dad ends up changing his mind or having to sell it to pay care home costs or repay debt or whatever? Is there a reason this is not being transferred now as a PET? Is it mortgaged?

I can see why you would not want it to go out of the family as your family have been very generous, this is a second marriage and you have been financially disadvantaged by your first marriage. How long have you been together and how old is your child? I also see that if you keep finances separate and he does not share his much higher salary with you then why would you give him a share in your current house which you bought yourself? He cannot have it both ways and technically he should not just be paying bills but rent too. Just because you own it outright so have no mortgage he should not get free accommodation. This is what happens when married couples join their lives but not their finances. It becomes picky and awkward and usually one ends up resentful. If he paid for some building work and you are happy with giving him 10% and a lifetime interest in one of the houses he should be happy with that. He has put no capital money into either house (apart from helping with building costs on house 1) so if you work from a starting position that you get back what you pay in then he should only get that back.

From his point of view he does very well. Living rent and mortgage free in a house and only having to pay bills even though he has a big enough salary to buy into the property. That is what my stepfather did with my mum when he moved in with her. He gave her half the value in cash which she then distributed around the family. Ask him if he wants to do that? As far as the second house goes the improvements you talk about will not add value. They are just to make both of your lives more comfortable so yes he should pay half.

CalmdownJanet · 03/02/2019 10:25

The op obviously not opposite

bistrotea · 03/02/2019 10:28

Course he is saying "might" the opposite is still alive,

HE did not say 'might'. He said nothing. The OP said it was a possibility. She said it might happen. It wasn't a quote from the DH.

bistrotea · 03/02/2019 10:28

the fact he would give 50% of my house to anyone other than his child would have alarm bells ringing in my ears, he's be gone, he's a total cocklodger

He never said he would Confused

JemSynergy · 03/02/2019 10:29

Do you even see a future with him? You're talking about splitting up which would ring alarm bells for me.

IceRebel · 03/02/2019 10:29

why would you give him a share in your current house which you bought yourself?

The OP has no choice in this, if they get divorced the husband would be entitled to half of the house they currently live in.

MeganBacon · 03/02/2019 10:31

He's lived rent free for 10 years and has "bought" a right to have the current house in your will by paying for renovations worth 10% of the price. This would be a good deal for him if he was definitely going to get the house, but you can change your will at any time if you split up, so it's actually not a dependable arrangement.
He should have paid rent all along and then had a viable right to the home which you could have formalised in the deeds.
The situation will continue now because he is still not paying rent. I think contributing to the home that he lives in in the form of contribution to the renovations is not unreasonable in those circumstances, but it's not a great way to have arranged yourselves in the first place.