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AIBU?

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Original poster

Am i being unreasonable financially?

223 replies

Sadie74 · 03/02/2019 09:02

My OH moved in with me 11 years ago, into a house that I owned outright. We each pay half of all the bills and have separate accounts (both of us have had problems with previous partners abusing joint accounts). We had some building work done a few years ago which he contributed to. We worked out his contribution to the whole cost of the house is 10% of the value, so if we ever split up i would pay him 10% of the value of the house. I am happy with this, as is he. We have a child now as well. My family have offered us a big detached house to live in, while i will not technically own it, it is being left to me by my dad in his Will. I had a Will drawn up myself which was fully discussed with my OH, in which my current house will be left to my OH but the house from my dad will be left to my child, so that it is kept in the family. OH was happy with this as his main concern was he would be left without a home if i died. My intention is to rent out our current house when we move into the new house. The new house has been redecorated throughout, new kitchen etc. by my family however, there are a couple of things which we would like to change and a small bit of work to do still. These are put in gas central heating, a small bit of wood work and a different hob, oven in the kitchen, eventually we would like to redo the downstairs bathroom. My OH has said he doesn’t see why he should pay for half of any work, which he agrees needs done because the house will never be his. He has said if he does pay for anything he wants an increased percentage in the original house, which I’m not too happy about. It is written into my Will if i die before him although the house would go to our child, he can live in the house until he no longer wants to. He earns more money than i do and my family have helped us loads so I’m quite taken back by his attitude. He is more than happy to say what needs to be done etc but won’t help financially even though he is going to get to live in the house he has always wanted to live in. Am i being unreasonable?

OP posts:
IceRebel · 03/02/2019 10:32

He should have paid rent all along and then had a viable right to the home which you could have formalised in the deeds.

But he does have aright to their current home, he's married to the OP so it's technically half his.

IceRebel · 03/02/2019 10:33

*A right.

jacks11 · 03/02/2019 10:34

Do people really expect husbands or wives to pay rent? Yes, he moved into the house OP owned outright but surely once you marry and have a child with someone, you don't expect them to pay you rent to live in the same house? Surely paying an equal share into the running costs (or contributing to the mortgage if there is one) is what is right and fair.

And if they are contributing to major repairs and upkeep (which you wouldn't if they were renting a room from you), as well as upgrades or extensions, then I think they have earned a right to some share of the house in the event of a marriage breakdown.

I find the idea of my husband renting a room in our home from me utterly preposterous.

shpoot · 03/02/2019 10:35

20 grand on credit cards has made you so untrusting of your husband over 11 years on?

I think you really should try to trust each other a bit more as your 90/10 split is nonsense. He is entitled to 50/50 of the first house and your dad May very well need the first house

MeganBacon · 03/02/2019 10:37

But he does have aright to their current home, he's married to the OP so it's technically half his.
She owned the house outright when he moved in so this could be deemed a premarital asset and not part of a divorce settlement (I am not a divorce lawyer but have friends whose divorce was settled on this basis).

Cornishclio · 03/02/2019 10:37

You need legal advice OP. I am not sure that your will stands up as you are married. Even if the house is in your name it may well be that it will count as marital assets.

CalmdownJanet · 03/02/2019 10:38

bistrotea would you give over, he said he might make a will to leave 50% to child & new spouse. Of course he said might, op is still alive, he hasn't got a new partner. What I am saying is that it would a terrible thing to do to op and their child, and while hypothetical at this stage it would set off alarm bells for me. You are hanging on the word "might" and saying he didn't say he would, I am saying the fact he even floated it as a thought would set off alarm bells for me personally

bistrotea · 03/02/2019 10:38

Do people really expect husbands or wives to pay rent

Madness isn't it?

There is a thread running just now about who pays for a car between a couple and one of the suggestions is to make fractions and pay according to how many times they are in the car over a week Confused

bistrotea · 03/02/2019 10:39

would you give over, he said he might make a will to leave 50% to child & new spouse.

HE DID NOT SAY THIS.

How many times? It was OP who said he might do this.

Juells · 03/02/2019 10:40

I like Cornishclio's suggestion, that you ask him to give you half the value of your current house. Then you're joint owners and no need for messing around with 10% if you split, or leaving lifetime interest. He can raise a mortgage, then you'll have money to do the changes you want in the second house, which will be yours alone if left to you.

He's being a bit tight, and I think you should spell out what a good deal he has at the moment.

bistrotea · 03/02/2019 10:41

You are hanging on the word "might" and saying he didn't say he would

No. I was hanging off the fact, as pointed out to you several times before, that He never said anything.

OP said he might, she wasn't quoting him. He had no part in it. She was considering her options and thought 'oh, what if he does this'

THE OP DH SAID NOTHING.

THE OP SAID IT.

CalmdownJanet · 03/02/2019 10:42

The op said he said it!!! Read what she said, she said he said it

C0untDucku1a · 03/02/2019 10:43

Where the actual hell is all his money going? Does he have anthing to show for it?

I agree about the lifetime thing being a bad idea. Leave it to your dd and the first house to dh.

Suggest he buys a house himself to rent out. Or a fanily holiday home. Seems he has had a large amount of disposable income. Where on earth is it?

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 03/02/2019 10:45

I live in a house that my DP owes.

Juells · 03/02/2019 10:45

What C0untDucku1a says ^^

StreetwiseHercules · 03/02/2019 10:50

Fair play to the OH for not allowing you to rip the piss out of him.

inlectorecumbit · 03/02/2019 11:00

Can you not use the rent from house 1 to pay for the work in house 2??

Who is getting the rent from house !. Is it being split 90/10 % in OP's favour??

NorthernKnickers · 03/02/2019 11:04

My mind is blown at the suggestions that husbands and wives/ mothers and fathers, ought to be paying rent to each other in lieu of mortgage contributions when there is, in actual fact, no mortgage or rent to pay 🤦‍♀️

What is actually wrong with you??? When did 'modern living' get so messed up, that married couples pay each other rent??? I'm all for sharing responsibilities but this is crazy talk 😱

MulticolourMophead · 03/02/2019 11:07

he says he doesn’t need a Will as he is happy to get the first house and a lifetime interest in the second and if he marries again at that point he might make Will and leave thr first house 50/50 between our child and his new spouse.

@bistrotea Quote from the OP. He said the words, not the OP.

SandyY2K · 03/02/2019 11:13

Tbh I can see his point, however in that case I would not be in a rush to do the refurbishments if I was you.

Perhaps when he sees your timeline for doing the work, he might decide to help out, but he's not wrong to not want to do it.

I'd feel the same as he does.

You could ask him to contribute a higher percentage of the bills (for a period of time) so you have more cash for the refurbishments.

CanILeavenowplease · 03/02/2019 11:19

She owned the house outright when he moved in so this could be deemed a premarital asset and not part of a divorce settlement (I am not a divorce lawyer but have friends whose divorce was settled on this basis)

My ex owned a house prior to meeting me (still mortgaged). It was taken into account as part of our divorce settlement.

Butchyrestingface · 03/02/2019 11:20

The OP has no choice in this, if they get divorced the husband would be entitled to half of the house they currently live in.

My understanding was that a property would not necessarily be viewed as a marital asset if the person who bought it could show that the other party did not contribute towards the upkeep/maintenance of the property? Is that wrong?

In this case, of course, OP's husband contributed towards some building work, which is where I'm assuming she got the 10% figure from.

Butchyrestingface · 03/02/2019 11:21

My ex owned a house prior to meeting me (still mortgaged). It was taken into account as part of our divorce settlement.

Did you contribute to the mortgage and upkeep/maintenance of the property whilst married?

mirialis · 03/02/2019 11:22

You really should go and get some legal advice, on your own. It is not clear at all that your DH is automatically entitled to 50/50 because you are married and I think you should have your position should you split, should one of you die etc. very clear from a legal perspective before you do anything further. I went to a solicitor with a friend in a similar(ish) position - in the event of a split the likelihood was that the DH would only be entitled to roughly 10% (ish) and inherited property has been left directly to children (though he has life interest). It all depends on your particular circumstances and history.

NannyRed · 03/02/2019 11:26

He’s on a hiding to nowhere! Poor bloke would end up homeless if anything happened to you.

Do you not want him in your life? Give him some bloody security, if this thread was written by a woman who was left with no security mn would be screaming for her to ltb.

My advice would be stay where you are and commit to marriage with your partner of 11 years and father of your child. Tbh, separate bank accounts never instil confidence in a relationship, are you sure you want to be with him or is he just a convenience for now?