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Original poster

DH wants to take newborn out without me - response to reverse

483 replies

StarFleece · 02/02/2019 20:40

I have been having some issues with my DH since our daughter was born two weeks ago. He doesn't believe me that this is a "thing" so I attempted to post a reverse to show him people's responses but it has been deleted. I would appreciate people's take on this situation so I can show my DH in an attempt to make him understand what I'm going through.

Basically - he thinks he should be able to take our 2 week old daughter out alone without me and is annoyed with me that I won't allow this. He says it shows I don't trust him. I have explained this isn't the case and being away from her causes me extreme anxiety for now. He wants to take her to visit his relatives without me. I've told him this is cruel and he needs to give me a few weeks. He says he will but he doesn't think it's right and he's doing it because I've said so but he doesn't agree with it.

I'm going to show him responses to this thread, I don't know how to help him understand. If anyone has any helpful links I would appreciate it.

OP posts:
Toastisfun · 02/02/2019 20:41

Why?

WhiteWashGails · 02/02/2019 20:41

Why does he not want to let you go too? Surely you both take a baby to see family together as a unit ?!?!

Fluffyears · 02/02/2019 20:42

Google 4th trimester.

Chingling · 02/02/2019 20:42

But you let him walk her to the shops? Or never to have her alone?

He is the father?

Drogosnextwife · 02/02/2019 20:43

Tell him to stop being so pathetic. Why does he need to go WITHOUT you? Why so separate to go alone? If a mother doesn't want their child to be taken away from them for no reason then it doesn't happen and of.

Quartz2208 · 02/02/2019 20:45

took me 6 months to even consider it with DD (far less to be fair with my second born DS as I was doing things with DD)

Its normal you have kept them safe for 9 months and constantly together - its tough

the question is though what is the backstory with him wanting to take her to his family without you

WorraLiberty · 02/02/2019 20:45

Why does he want to go without you? Do you not get on with the relatives?

I was absolutely fine with my DH taking the babies to see the inlaws, so I could catch up on some sleep.

Will he be travelling far?

Oysterbabe · 02/02/2019 20:45

I knew it was a reverse. No one is that much of a dickhead.

Chingling · 02/02/2019 20:46

Basically - he thinks he should be able to take our 2 week old daughter out alone without me and is annoyed with me that I won't allow this.

Do you mean he can't go anywhere?

massive difference between taking her for a walk and taking her on a longer trip to relatives.

You do let him take her out locally?

Windinmyhair · 02/02/2019 20:46

I don't get it.

I felt closest to my DH as we navigated the early days together.

I don't know why he wants to take your baby out without you.

Can he articulate it?

Eh1112 · 02/02/2019 20:47

Why not go together? You're a family so I don't see why your partner wants to go without you. I didn't want to be separated from my 3 month old so I get your anxiety. Two weeks old is far too young in my opinion.

rainflowerstar · 02/02/2019 20:47

If your not EBF I don't see the problem. Catch up on some sleep if he nipped out for an hour. It's as much his baby as it is yours.

Original poster
StarFleece · 02/02/2019 20:47

I get on fine with his relatives.

OP posts:
Oddcat · 02/02/2019 20:47

I can understand your feelings about not wanting to be parted from your baby as she's so young but is that the only reason? Do you allow him to bath / change her ?

Mummyshark2019 · 02/02/2019 20:47

I agree with you OP. Of course you don't want to be without your newborn. It is completely normal. What is not normal is your twat of a husband wanting to do his own thing with her without you.

fairylightseverywhere · 02/02/2019 20:48

When my daughter was 3 weeks old I was so indescribably exhausted. We were at my dad's house and he said 'go and lie down on the spare bed and have a nap. We'll keep an eye on dd'. Despite the fact that they would literally be in the next room (my DP included) and I was so desperately tired, I couldn't do it - I had to take dd with me while I had a nap (so I didn't really get any proper sleep). I literally couldn't be separated from her. Tell him for the moment, it's not about him. Just tell him to love you and support you and not be so desperate to take away a newborn baby from their mum.

SunnyintheSun · 02/02/2019 20:48

Why on earth would he want to take the baby without you? It seems very controlling and a lack of understanding of what newborn babies need. Your baby needs to be with you for lots of skin to skin and bonding time. He or she is not a doll to be taken out and shown off.

Are you breastfeeding? If so, it’s not practical for the baby to be away from you anyway as you need to feed on demand to establish supply.

Bestseller · 02/02/2019 20:48

It depends if he needs to take her alone because you won't go or because he doesn't want to you. He should be able to take her to visit his relatives but you should go too.

I do think its odd if you won't ever let him care for his daughter though, a walk to the shop etc.

ShutUpBaz · 02/02/2019 20:48

Your DH is being a tool. Its normal and natural for you to not want to be seperated from your newborn.

Why is he so insistent on you not being there? It makes no sense!

Stick to your guns. Don't let him dress it up as 'giving you a break' either.

DoneLikeAKipper · 02/02/2019 20:49

No one is that much of a dickhead.

Evidently the op’s husband is, just not enough of a dickhead to post his stupidity on MN himself.

It would have been far easier for me to separate from my partner than my baby in the first weeks of his life. And my partner isn’t even a total ignorant twat like yours, @StarFleece.

Rtmhwales · 02/02/2019 20:49

I don't like this not "allowing" people to do something. He's equally her father. Is she breastfed or formula fed? Are you "allowed" to take her anywhere solo too?

Seline · 02/02/2019 20:49

I wouldn't let my DH do this either. I don't like letting the kids out of my sight and certainly not out of my home.

Qcng · 02/02/2019 20:49

Are you breastfeeding?

ArchieStar · 02/02/2019 20:50

I’m the minority here but I wouldn’t have an issue with it, maybe if I was breast feeding yes, I’d miss my DC but I’d try and rest/sleep or even bath in peace. Has he done anything with DC alone? What are his reasons for wanting to do it so desperately?

ShaggyRug · 02/02/2019 20:50

Your DH is being a dick

Just because he doesn’t understand it he’s saying you’re wrong. It’s a viceral thing when you’ve got a newborn. It can really cause anxiety to be away from them before you’re ready.

You physically carried the baby for 9 months and your DH should be able to grasp that emotionally you are extremely tied to being physically close for now.

Your DH needs to grow up and stop being so selfish and uncaring.

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