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Original poster

DH wants to take newborn out without me - response to reverse

483 replies

StarFleece · 02/02/2019 20:40

I have been having some issues with my DH since our daughter was born two weeks ago. He doesn't believe me that this is a "thing" so I attempted to post a reverse to show him people's responses but it has been deleted. I would appreciate people's take on this situation so I can show my DH in an attempt to make him understand what I'm going through.

Basically - he thinks he should be able to take our 2 week old daughter out alone without me and is annoyed with me that I won't allow this. He says it shows I don't trust him. I have explained this isn't the case and being away from her causes me extreme anxiety for now. He wants to take her to visit his relatives without me. I've told him this is cruel and he needs to give me a few weeks. He says he will but he doesn't think it's right and he's doing it because I've said so but he doesn't agree with it.

I'm going to show him responses to this thread, I don't know how to help him understand. If anyone has any helpful links I would appreciate it.

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/02/2019 20:50

are you bf? Is it the length of time or any length of time youre unable being apart from your dad? Why can’t you go?

Aprilshowersarecomingsoon · 02/02/2019 20:50

I am not precious at all and but my dc weren't out my sight for about a year!!
Physically couldn't do it!
Your dh is being a bully imo.

Howhot · 02/02/2019 20:51

What do you mean you wont "allow" it?

DH took 2 week old DS to meet some relatives without me. No big deal. I went shopping and caught up on some sleep. He was only gone about 90 mins each time. It's weird if he's telling you to stay home though? Or is he wanting to go and you're not in the mood and you're insisting he can't take the baby? Obviously if you're BF that makes a difference too.

OhDearHowSadNeverMind · 02/02/2019 20:51

Why wouldn't you be going with him if you get on fine with the relatives?

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 02/02/2019 20:51

Try giving us the full story then we can advice

Cheeeeislifenow · 02/02/2019 20:51

Need more info for context. Has he been given time to bathe, change cuddle etc?
I don't see the harm in a walk in the park. Some people seem to think that's a crazy idea!
Didn't understand why you all wouldn't visit the rellies though.

IamPickleRick · 02/02/2019 20:51

He’s affecting your bond.

Qcng · 02/02/2019 20:51

I don't get the "without you" part. Can't you all go? Isn't the point of parenting sharing your pride and joy together?

ThatsWotSheSaid · 02/02/2019 20:52

Even people taking dd out of the room at that age made me extremely anxious. Your programmed to be close to your baby to protect and feed them.

ThePinkOcelot · 02/02/2019 20:52

Why does he want to go without you? I don’t get that! Why can’t you go visiting together?
Didn’t happen with my dds. Not that DH asked, but it would have been no if he had.

guineapig1 · 02/02/2019 20:52

I think you need to clarify what you mean. There is a huge difference to your DH taking the baby out locally for an hour or three to him wanting to take him/her out for thd whole day or longer. If it’s the former, this is entirely normal and reasonable so try to embrace it and use the time to sleep/have a bath/generally take a break. If it is the latter - far more unusual and imo not on unless you specifically ask him to do it.

Original poster
StarFleece · 02/02/2019 20:52

He baths and changes her alone and looks after her in our home for periods of time whilst I'm sleeping/ showering etc. I just don't want to be separated from her in the sense that he takes her out to visit people and leaves me at home- I don't feel ready for that at all and he won't accept that.

OP posts:
Amy326 · 02/02/2019 20:52

I didn’t want my babies out of my sight at that early stage (I’d go for a shower but miss them while I did it!) it’s completely normal and just your instinct to stay close to your baby. Why would a loving husband / partner and father want to cause any upset for a new mother and separate mother and baby? I find it odd. Don’t do anything you don’t want to do until you’re fully ready. Mothers go through a huge amount both physically and mentally when having a baby, you should be supported and given all the time you need to recover and enjoy your baby. I’d be wondering why my dp was so keen to get me out of the picture anyway, slightly hurtful!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/02/2019 20:52

Your dh is being a bully imo bit harsh - he’s the child’s father, he wants to spend some time with his baby.

GalacticChickenShit · 02/02/2019 20:53

If you actually want people to advise you need to stop playing silly games and respond to people's questions.

Cheeeeislifenow · 02/02/2019 20:53

I wouldn't let my DH do this either. I don't like letting the kids out of my sight and certainly not out of my home.

Huh?? Some of these replies?!

Amallamard · 02/02/2019 20:53

I don't understand why he needs to have her without you. It's totally normal to not want to be away from your newborn. It's nature's way of keeping the baby safe. It does wear off and you will feel ok about it at some point. The only thing rushing it will achieve though is making you feel horrible.

Raspberry88 · 02/02/2019 20:54

he wants to spend some time with his baby.

But why does it have to be without the OP? She's not asking that he has no time with the baby at all? Plenty of time for outings, if she wants to be with her newborn that seems fine to me.

Oswin · 02/02/2019 20:54

Only no he can spend the time with his baby. He wants to take the baby somewhere else without op. Why would anyone want to do that to a new mother who is upset at the thought.

Schmoobarb · 02/02/2019 20:54

Why doesn’t he want to let you go too?

I was happy for my husband to take our son out on his own at the same age but he wasn’t BF so there was no issue there.

Original poster
StarFleece · 02/02/2019 20:55

I want to go with him to visit the relatives - he sees that as me not trusting him. For some reason he wants to take her alone I don't actually know why.

OP posts:
ArchieStar · 02/02/2019 20:55

Are you insisting he doesn’t take her, or is he insisting that he does? I think that’s key to who is BU tbh... DC is equal parts yours and his so whoever is doing the insisting is BU for me

BIWI · 02/02/2019 20:55

You said in your other post, when you were pretending to be your OH that he didn't want you to be there.

Is that actually true? That's a bit different from him wanting to be able to have the baby on his own.

Hazardswans · 02/02/2019 20:55

OP she lived inside of you two weeks ago your being reasonable and he needs to be more understanding.

SmileEachDay · 02/02/2019 20:55

You spent 9 months with your baby inside you, 24 hours a day. You felt her growing and moving. You vomited because of the hormones that kept her safe. You didn’t drink. You avoided all sorts of foods. You stressed if you had a paracetamol.

You got anxious if she moved too much, and doubly so if she moved too little.

You felt her foot in your bladder and her tiny fist punching against your swollen, baby full self.

Then....you grave birth to a whole new human. You pushed her out (or had a sunroof fitted). She came out of your body. Your body, which will never be the same.

So now she is out in the world - this girl you grew. And it’s harder to keep her safe. You can’t do it by not having wine or soft cheese. You can’t keep her safe by not having shellfish or by reading the tiny contraindications on gaviscon eight times just in case. You can’t sheild her with your womb.

So keeping her within touching distance is the next best thing.

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