DH wants to take newborn out without me - response to reverse

[StarFleece]

I have been having some issues with my DH since our daughter was born two weeks ago. He doesn't believe me that this is a "thing" so I attempted to post a reverse to show him people's responses but it has been deleted. I would appreciate people's take on this situation so I can show my DH in an attempt to make him understand what I'm going through.

Basically - he thinks he should be able to take our 2 week old daughter out alone without me and is annoyed with me that I won't allow this. He says it shows I don't trust him. I have explained this isn't the case and being away from her causes me extreme anxiety for now. He wants to take her to visit his relatives without me. I've told him this is cruel and he needs to give me a few weeks. He says he will but he doesn't think it's right and he's doing it because I've said so but he doesn't agree with it.

I'm going to show him responses to this thread, I don't know how to help him understand. If anyone has any helpful links I would appreciate it.

OP could ben suffering from baby blues as it’s only been 2 weeks, i remember feeling very tearful and anxious when my dp wanted to invite his friends over to meet the baby at around the 2 week mark.

Maybe ask your partner to wait until around 4 weeks when you’ve settled in at home?

BoomBoom seems to be saying that how OP feels is normal but simultaneously that it's extreme anxiety and shouldn't be 'pandered to, making links to postpartum anxiety and then saying the op doesn't have that.... I'm having difficulty understanding what they mean too.

I'm saying what the OP is experiencing is common - as others on this thread attest. That's normal in the statistical sense, but it's not normal in the normative sense of it being good for her (or the baby). I have said the OP should be aware that it's anxiety and not pander to it because the way to make an understandable bout of anxiety into a debilitating condition is to give into it.

The issue about postpartum anxiety disorder is a separate discussion with those that have been saying anxiety is good and normal in the normative sense and a sign of good bonding. I have been saying repeatedly that I'm not claiming the OP has that because it's not a discussion about her - it's a general discussion about the impact of anxiety and I want to make sure I'm clear that I'm definitely not diagnosing the OP.

Claudia1980 can't take your post seriously. It's just so silly. Of course the mum is being normal.

It's interesting how some people find the chance to relax without baby, others don't find it relaxing to be parted from baby. If dad is pulling his weight then mum shouldn't need the baby to be removed from the house simply to have a rest or a bath.

NoParticularPattern "I don’t think it’s weird that he wants to spend time alone with the baby..." It doesn't appear to be he wants to be alone so much as to show off the baby to his relatives without baby's mum. Not quite such a nice notion as simply wanting time alone with bsby - which he could have at home, one would imagine.

feralfanny we don't know how much the dad loves the baby but what we do know is that he is willing to put his own interests over the mum of his baby, at a significant time, by not allowing her to join him in visiting family!

That's normal in the statistical sense, but it's not normal in the normative sense of it being good for her (or the baby).

It's a biological impulse that has been put there for a reason. It's not harming the baby or the op provided she's not forced to ignore it. OP says she doesn't feel anxiety when she leaves baby with the dad to have a bath etc. However she will if, at this point, she is left at home alone without the baby. Solution: wait until she's ready first.

Has he said why he wants to take the baby alone and not with you? Also he is bu. I wouldn't give a toss if he was the father. I'm the mother and the primal instinct is mine and baby is my priority and belongs with me with partner supporting me and baby in the early weeks... there is a hell of a lot of difference between the two roles in the early months.

What sort of dick wants to take his newborn child away from it's mother when the mother has expressed she doesn't want him to?

He sounds either very young or very immature, maybe both. It sounds as if he is thinking of the child as an extension of himself and his manhood ( look at what a real man I am and have produced this baby) and 'look Mum I can do it all on my own'
It would be completely different if he, as I always found normal and usual, just said 'I'll pop out with baby while he's unsettled and take him for a walk' But this insistence that he does it alone is weird

Depends how long he is planning on taking the baby out for. If it’s just an hour YABU and a teensy bit pathetic, this could give you chance to get some kip! But anything over that YANBU, especially if you are breastfeeding.

He is the baby’s Father so he should be able to take your baby out alone but I agree it shouldn’t be for very long. I let my DP take our newborn out a fair few times so I could sleep but it was never for very long.

@OutPinked

Bit harsh to call her pathetic. She's a new mum, exhausted and hormonal. I'm not sure name-calling is as helpful as you might think.