To be thinking of putting my 4 week old upstairs to bed?

[m4rdybum]

Asking here because I'd like a wider range
of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre. Also because I'm open to being called unreasonable if it means I'm more successful in raising my DD.

DD is 3 weeks old. DH goes back to work just after she turns 4 weeks.

We've started toying with the idea of getting her used to being upstairs for "bedtime" (starting when DH goes back to work), which at the minute would be around her 8/9pm bottle. I also totally get that a routine probably won't stick with her for a while - but we're quite lucky that she already has her own predictable feeding routine on the go (for now) - it's more for us at the minute.

Me and DH usually go to bed around 10pm. She currently sleeps in her Moses basket in the living room and gets taken upstairs with us.

I know of the recommendation for babies up to 6 months to sleep in the same room as parents day and night, to help reduce the risk of SIDS and want to stress that of course I'm hyper aware of this and don't want it to happen. DD sleeps next to our bed and will do so until 6 months.

But I'm curious as to who follows this to the rule when it comes to start thinking about a bedtime? There's a lot of kids in my family and most have started going up to bed between 1 & 2 months old.

We, of course, have a baby monitor and also would check on her regularly until we went up to bed. It would just be nice to not have to worry so much about being quiet with her in the room.

Has anyone else done this? Any recommendations? Warnings?

Why not just keep her with you in the moses basket while you're downstairs? No point starting bedtime routines this early.

SIDS peaks between 2 & 4 months so I waited til after 4 months. Also I fully breastfed which is one of the biggest protective factors - I would have been more cautious if formula feeding or baby was low birth weight, premature etc.

It's your baby and your risk to take so I wouldn't get too hung up on what others do.

Don't be quiet with her in the room. Carry on as normal. You want a baby that sleeps through anything

She is far, far too young for a bedtime routine at 4 weeks old.

Until my DS was about 4 months, he slept in the Moses basket downstairs in the lounge until we all went up to bed together. Then at 4-ish months, he moved to a cot, still in our room, and we’d put him to bed and then have time downstairs with the baby monitor clasped in my hand lol

Would recommend leaving it for now.

I’ve done it at 4-5 months with my kids but no way at 4 weeks. But mine were still in the wanting to be held by a parent all the time phase and I was also not wanting to let them go most of the time! A bedtime routine at this point will be no use to the baby at all although I do understand the parents wanting some normality/alone time back. But for me sitting snuggling my sleeping newborns in my arms in the evening was lovely and I wouldn’t start a bedtime routine that early, once you have one you feel you have to keep on it which is very restricting as well. I don’t see the point as they usually sleep happily in a busy room at that age.

I stuck to the guidelines and I would advise everyone else too. That’s because I worry about the proven risk of babies dying. If that isn’t to your taste then I’d dispute that you are actually ok with being told you’re unreasonable.

However I also wouldn’t hold with being quiet around babies downstairs sleep. Babies/children can/do/should learn to sleep around noise imo it’s good for them and for your sanity too. So have your evening as you choose with baby in the room and go for quiet bedtime at 10pm.

Don't be quiet with her in the room. Carry on as normal. You want a baby that sleeps through anything

Yeah we're not quiet during the day but try to be "hushed" at night to help her differentiate.

How would you feel if the worst happened? Personally I wanted mine next to me or another breathing person until they were over 6 months. Only one of mine went into her own room early (12 weeks) and that was to a cot next to her big brothers bed. Babies need other humans nearby to help regulate their breathing.

I've always kept them with me up until 6 months

If you’re lucky enough to have a baby that will sleep in it’s Moses basket go for it. Check room temp and adjust layers, check baby from time to time. Get a breathing monitor if you’re worried. This’ll be an unpopular post but you’re not bad parents to enjoy an hour to yourselves before bed.

I put mine in their bedrooms in cord at that age . They went to bed at 7 and were in a routine at that age and slept through at 12 weeks (7-7).....I had an apnoea monitor and their bedroom was just at the top of the stairs and they were checked regularly . I often went to bed myself next door not long after 7 as I was tired .
I always get shouted at on here when I say this but I personally think they were safer in there than in my bed . Each to their own though.

We started putting our twins upstairs to bed at 7pm at around 2 weeks. They would be sleepy but not asleep. I'm pretty sure that it was that early establishment of a routine that ensured we never had any problem of getting them happily to bed at 7 for many years to come. They were always happy to go to bed.

We kept her with us until 4 months in the evening and only put her “to bed” at that point because she was getting so stressed and upset in the lounge because she wanted to sleep but couldn’t with the noise and light.
If she’s sleeping in the Moses basket in your lounge I personally wouldn’t be doing it that early; it’s not hard to bring in an earlier bedtime later on when they’re a few months old

I did it, OP. In fact, all three of mine were put upstairs to bed every night virtually from birth.
In the early 1990s of when my first was born, this, was not regarded as at all outrageous - in fact, the everyone I know did the same.
Baby 2 was born in 2004, and things were different by then. She was kept downstairs with us and slept in our room for two nights but was so restless and unsettled I thought it was worth trying her in a dark, a silent room. She was immediately more settled and woke only to feed.
Baby 3 (2007) was in his own room straightaway.
All three have been brilliant sleepers - all slept 6pm-7.30/8am by three months max.
I honestly think a lot of the current-day recommendations are not conducive to good sleep and do not encourage baby to learn good (or any!) sleep patterns.
While I am confessing to deeply unfashionable habits, I might as well state that I had a bath feed bed routine for all of mine from day 1.

Put my DD to bed upstairs at 7pm as soon as she came home from hospital, granted I was following her up there to go to sleep at 8pm!

She slept through from 9 weeks. We were strict routine followers, but no idea how much we did or didn't do helped this!

I used to when mine were babies. I'd have the monitor next to me. And they'd go up for naps at daytime too, however I think guidelines have changed so maybe check that out first.

IMO too young at 4 weeks. Why are you wanting to do this?

We did it at 4 months, which I knownos early, but no way would I have done it any sooner. Like someone above said, 2-4 months is peak SIDS risk.
DS was full breastfed, no smokers in the house, on a flat empty surface etc, so we made an informed decision that we’d start putting him to bed.
Also, he was usually only there about 40 mins before I’d be too tired to stay up and would join him

They are still tiny at 4 weeks for a routine. Both mine I kept downstairs with me until I went to bed and then took them up. Guidelines are there for a reason🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd like a wider range of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre

Room for manoeuvre is good, but when it's potential risk of SIDS vs not wanting to be a bit quieter for an hour or two in the evening, I don't really see any great need to manoeuvre. Risk vs reward is heavily unbalanced here.

And it's only for a few months of your life too! Why the rush?

Not until 4 months, no. But we always carried on as normal and normal noise levels. Best thing we did - he now sleeps through anything. Is great when camping at festivals etc. and we can have friends over for dinner without shushing them.

I think guidelines have changed so maybe check that out first.

Yes, NHS guidelines say not until 6 months - not sure how new this is.

Why are you wanting to do this?

Because as some PPs have said, I think it would help contribute to her sleeping better as her routine establishes- it has worked consistently with my family babs. I don't want her to be reliant on being with me and DH (we sometimes give her a cuddle to sleep) to get and stay asleep.

I know at the minute she's in the fourth trimester, so honestly think I might be leaning more towards waiting until she's 6-8 weeks at least, as I don't want her to be distressed.

I personally wouldnt op. I will always take properly researched medical advice over anecdotal success. I personally dont think its worth the risk to make your life slightly easier.

Agree with hendricks & Super, my DS had a ‘routine’ as soon as we got back from hospital & he slept through from 7-7 with one very quick night feed, we certainly didn’t sit with him in the same room whilst he was asleep.

And agree with the ‘getting shouted’ at comment, letting your baby sleep in their own room is considered child abuse by many on Mumsnet.