To be thinking of putting my 4 week old upstairs to bed?

[m4rdybum]

Asking here because I'd like a wider range
of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre. Also because I'm open to being called unreasonable if it means I'm more successful in raising my DD.

DD is 3 weeks old. DH goes back to work just after she turns 4 weeks.

We've started toying with the idea of getting her used to being upstairs for "bedtime" (starting when DH goes back to work), which at the minute would be around her 8/9pm bottle. I also totally get that a routine probably won't stick with her for a while - but we're quite lucky that she already has her own predictable feeding routine on the go (for now) - it's more for us at the minute.

Me and DH usually go to bed around 10pm. She currently sleeps in her Moses basket in the living room and gets taken upstairs with us.

I know of the recommendation for babies up to 6 months to sleep in the same room as parents day and night, to help reduce the risk of SIDS and want to stress that of course I'm hyper aware of this and don't want it to happen. DD sleeps next to our bed and will do so until 6 months.

But I'm curious as to who follows this to the rule when it comes to start thinking about a bedtime? There's a lot of kids in my family and most have started going up to bed between 1 & 2 months old.

We, of course, have a baby monitor and also would check on her regularly until we went up to bed. It would just be nice to not have to worry so much about being quiet with her in the room.

Has anyone else done this? Any recommendations? Warnings?

Can't see the point. Apart from being a bit quieter what difference does it make to you her being there with you?

I'd like a wider range of views, other than the group of Mumsnet posters who only go by exact guidelines and have no room for manoeuvre
The thing is OP you’re only going to get “I did this and it was fine” or “I didn’t do this, and it was fine”. You’re not going to get anyone posting to say “I put my baby to sleep alone in a room and they died.” The guidelines are there because people have done a lot of research to try and prevent the terrible thing that is cotdeath, and they have worked. The number of deaths has dropped dramatically. It is only a small risk, but I don’t know why you would take it if you have a choice.

I will always take properly researched medical advice over anecdotal success. I personally dont think its worth the risk to make your life slightly easier

This. People disapprove of it on here because there is a demonstrably increased risk of death. I don't care how many of my family members did it and subsequently had babies who sleep like angels, it's not a risk I would deem worth taking based on the cold, hard, statistical evidence.

There is no need to do this. She is far too young to be doing routine bedtime stuff. That would be at about 4 months, It would make no difference to her but you would be running up and downstairs, Keep her downstairs with you until you go to bed. Makes life simple. No need to be quiet or in the dark, You are over thinking this

I started putting ds4 up after last bottle at 8 weeks, vast majority of the time I'm up within the hour because I'm so tired. He's 13 weeks now and goes down at half 7 and is cranky and wanting bed at that stage. I've done similar with all my kids and the older 3 still go down at 7 easily.

She’s not even 4 weeks old. She should still be inside you. Monitors don’t provide the protection associated with her being able to hear you breathe.

She’s a tiny baby. I find it odd that you want to detach from her so soon. It’s not in her interests at all.

You could do it and your baby will probably be alright. But is the risk really worth it?

Can you imagine your baby dying and having to live with the fact you went against medical advice to get her into a better routine?

The monitor won't matter. The guidelines about keeping them with you is so they don't fall in to such a deep sleep they die. I haven't rtft did someone may have explained this. It probably would mean she slept better but at what cost.

It's so so so unlikely anything bad would happen. The figures are miniscule.

I put my baby upstairs from about 16/17 weeks (October 18, for context). It worked for us, but consider the reason behind guidelines before deciding whether to break them. A monitor isn't going to cut it as a replacement for example.

You "sometimes" cuddle her to sleep she's only four weeks old! Christ.

Pouty, what do you mean ‘she’s only four weeks, she should still be inside you?’ ? Presumably she was born at nine months so why should she still be inside her mother????

So your reason is her possibly sleeping better? For me that couldn't possibly trump a small risk of the baby dying unnecessarily.

letting your baby sleep in their own room is considered child abuse by many on Mumsnet.

It’s a very Victorian concept. Babies and children are inconvenient and should be ostracised, the needy little sods.

How come it’s the norm for adults to share a room, but tiny, utterly dependent babies are pushed to be independent the second they’re out of the womb?

Humans wouldn’t have survived if this was done tens of thousands of years ago.

I'd keep her with you and I wouldn't make any particular effort to be quiet. You will be quiet when you actually go to bed to sleep so she will know when it is nighttime. I treated the evening until I went to bed as part of the daytime sleep, play, feed cycle.

Pouty, what do you mean ‘she’s only four weeks, she should still be inside you?’ hmm? Presumably she was born at nine months so why should she still be inside her mother????

All human babies are born premature. They should be in utero for 12 months, but if they were we wouldn’t be able to get them out (our pelvises have to be narrow in order to walk upright - it’s a biological trade off).

Hence the “fourth trimester”.

Elisheva - well said

You "sometimes" cuddle her to sleepshe's only four weeks old! Christ.

You don't need to make out like I'm a bad mother because I don't constantly cuddle my daughter no matter what her age. We never leave her to cry herself to sleep. In fact, it's when she starts getting grouchy that we pick her up for a cuddle.

She's 4 weeks old!

We very occasionally put our son in his moses basket (in our bedroom) for an hour or so before we went to bed. Son would have a 'Snuza' alarm on (alarm that attaches to nappy and rests on tummy and sounds if no breathing movement detected for so long.) And we would have sound monitors on too. Could hear him snoring on the sound monitors more oftern than not!

He then moved into his own room at 6 months and I kept his snuza on at night for peace of mind.

I did this from day 1 with mine. They all slept through early. They still stayed in our room overnight until 4 months. Sids is much less common in the early part of the night so I think the risks are very small and outweighed by having parents who are well rested and not going to fall asleep holding a baby.

How come it’s the norm for adults to share a room, but tiny, utterly dependent babies are pushed to be independent the second they’re out of the womb?

Just to confirm, she would still be sleeping in our room, not her own.

I used to take her upstairs for bed (to follow a routine) and then watch tv very quietly and eat dinner in the bedroom! Worked a treat she was and is an amazing sleeper.

Not worth the risk, you'd never forgive yourself and always wonder.

Keep her with you as long as you can. Less than a month ago she was inside you. She is so young and absolutely dependent on you.

I couldn't let my babies be away from me at that age. That is simply a personal view though based on my experience - you are you and your baby is your baby - but you asked for opinions.

I didn’t cuddle much to sleep either. I didn’t leave them to cry but I put the down drowsy but awake. If they cried I picked up and cuddled them but I’d leave them to fuss a little.

My daughter slept in our room for bedtime (while we were in the living room) from around 12 weeks

The risk of SIDS is incredibly small, it’s literally 0.03% of babies and most of those have several other risk factors like pre existing health issues.